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I'm 33yo and every millennial I know over the age of 25 busts their asses on a near daily basis.
Honestly, this all or nothing way of looking at things (on both sides) is meaningless. The "everyone I know" argument is meaningless because industrious people generally don't hang around non-industrious people. Like attracts like, as they say.
At the same time, saying all Milliennials are spoiled is an overstatement.
But we should be honest here. Yes, there's a core group who get it and don't mess around. But many of the rest are coddled and/or messed up (i.e. such as the 55% who are having kids out of wedlock...which researchers from across the political spectrum agree has very bad socioeconomic effects) The bad economy made a lot of those existing trends worse. Murphy's Law has a way of being a double whammy for those who are unprepared.
a wealth of research strongly suggests that marriage is good for children. Those who live with their biological parents do better in school and are less likely to get pregnant or arrested. They have lower rates of suicide, achieve higher levels of education and earn more as adults. Meanwhile, children who spend time in single-parent families are more likely to misbehave, get sick, drop out of high school and be unemployed.
Even millennials from low-income families are more likely to flourish if they married before having children: 71 percent who married before having children made it into the middle or higher end of the income distribution by the time they are age 28–34. By comparison, only 41 percent of millennials from lower-income families who had children first made it into the middle or higher end of the distribution when they reached ages 28–34.
I'm 33yo and every millennial I know over the age of 25 busts their asses on a near daily basis. They're holding down full time jobs, part time jobs, and "side hustles". If they're living at home it's because rental costs in the majority of cities have outpaced wages, or because the added load of student loans have messed with people's credit scores so they can't get their own place, or because they are being financially smart and trying to save up money. There are a variety of reasons people don't move out of their parents' home and "laziness", in my experience, is more often at the bottom of that list.
Enough of this tired trope that millennials are lazy because they got trophies. I didn't get trophies or awards for just showing up. This is a BS idea that maybe applies to wealthy suburban kids whose parents filled up their schedules with soccer games, music camps, karate, and ballet classes, but it doesn't apply to a whole swath of people born within a specific range of years. Let's just end that incorrect rhetoric right there and try to come up with a less used cliche.
As for marriages, why would anyone my age married? We've seen the rising divorce rates, many have been personally affected by it. Women as just as likely, if not more likely, to be college educated and earn as much or more than their partners so they don't need to rely on the income of a breadwinner husband. Despite what you may see on reality TV shows and gossip rags, many millennials are over the big, overly expensive weddings in much the same way we're over McMasions and massive SUVs. Lots of women and girls have the increase confidence to be "independent women" and have learned that they don't need to be tied down in a relationship (especially a bad relationship) to be happy. Many of us are just trying to build up our brand or career and aren't ready to settle into the cliche of a married, suburban lifestyle.
Personally, outside of tax and legal reasons (especially if children are involved), I don't see much of benefit to marriage. Marriage doesn't equal commitment; lots of people who get married divorce within weeks/months/years and many couple who don't get officially married stay together for decades. Stop placing marriage on this hallowed pedestal, stop making it this requirement to advance to the next level of adulthood that must be passed in order to find true happiness, success, and enlightenment.
It just seems to me that many folks here are unable to appreciate -- let alone navigate -- the complexity of transitional socioeconomic nuance that we've experienced throughout the past some-odd decades. That's not to say that there are not any valuable insights to be found within this topic (quite the contrary, in fairness,) but more a general lack of recognition that even those insights tend to merely represent individual factors contributing to the culmination of an ever-changing endgame.
We end up with unworkable blanket ideologies and a lack of middle-ground, particularly with respect to our tendency to omit the relative progressions of varying timescales from consideration. Biologically speaking this is nothing to feel guilty about per se, built it nonetheless represents a very real and imminent challenge that needs to be overcome as technological growth, energy needs, and sustenance requirements continues to creep towards or outright outpaces biological evolution in logarithmic fashion.
I hate to appear excessively wordy here, and I'll refrain from typing a novel on the matter, but precision really does matter sometimes...
I suppose the summation to the above is the following: People are inherently resistant to change, particularly when change occurs faster than we're comfortable with or are able to adapt to. We're also hardwired to lean towards confirmation bias (the seeking of sources that best serve to reinforce our insecurities and preconceptions). But because we live in a world that progresses regardless of our individual feelings, and with a global population of more than 7 Billion souls, the amount of disparity tends to increase and it can feel overwhelming. It can be hard to focus when our curiosities and desires clash with the necessity of taking a breath and specializing so-as to 'do our' proverbial part. Simply acknowledging this much and making an honest effort to move forward becomes not only a way to maintain one's sanity, but also helps to assure one's long-term stability along with that of their family's. Remember, we ought never discard what works; we should only build upon it.
True - if you want a real riot of backwardness, check out the hate-filled idiocy that gets posted regularly with pride in in the Political forum. It's as if the worst of the pre-Civil Rights 1950's suddenly had internet access!. Unfortunately, no amount of facts will change these people or get them to wake up. It is sad when people's world views ossify and they can't actually accept the reality in which they live, even when presented with mountains of data.
Thankfully sometimes people see the light when their own family get into pickles.
Unfortunately I believe refusal to change minds after mountains of data are presented means certain groups opposed to them will feel that: A. they cannot afford to ignore the political processes and B. they cannot use democracy to meaningfully oppose those who refuse to change their minds.
This bolded statement is why red pill and mgtow exist. Modern women aren't content with the boring suburban wife role which is all a lot of men really want. After 60 hours of work who wants to remain "on" and do a bunch of crap outside the house? Apparently quite a few. The nonstop adventures, partying and nightclubbing... No thanks. I like to get out of the house but I like nature stuff and hiking, not social life, night life, or partying, much less tattoos and dive bars or packed restaurants on a Friday night with long wait times. All the old fashioned women get taken early. Family values have diminished. Simply being a good provider and responsible no longer cuts it. Women will pick the jobless druggie if he's more "exciting.". ... Or course they won't marry him, rather date for a month or two and move onto the next one. Its great women no longer have to remain in unhappy marriages with abusive or inconsiderate men but it would be nice if more of them were more reserved and introverted instead of wild and outgoing.
Ah well, its all genetics. No sense in fighting nature. Adapt or die.
I'm a modern woman content on being a boring, suburban housewife LOL. I would love to have a kid and be a stay at home wife. I don't know that many men though who actually want a wife like that. I've noticed if women today say that they want that, they get called the g word "Gold digger". I do think it's common among millennials to just date, date, and date some more until they get bored and move on to someone else. I don't know if it has to do with millennials not wanting to get married due to high divorce rates as much as it that we have become this "hook up" culture.
I'm trying to combine your post with someone else who spoke about the term settling down. What he/she was true. Settling down today seems to sound negative like you lowered your expectations. When I think of myself and settling down, to me it just means like I'm done doing the casual dating thing, moving around with cities, and ready to stick to 1 place with 1 person. That being said, when people say something like "I settled" to me that means that they did lower their expectations.
Why is it sad that people choose to remain single? All those married fokes back in the day weren't exactly happy. Many stayed married due to religious or social pressure which was very oppressive in the old days. Thousands of people that are dead and gone wish they would have remained single and probably also child free.
I disagree that young people today have no ambition. The problem today is that the bar of entry is so high today that it makes it impossible for the adverage person to be able to replicate the success of people 2-3 generations ago. The only people who get ahead today are people who inherit wealth (i.e., Chelsea Clinton) or the slim few who are the top wage earners such as professional athletes. The rest of us who are 45 and under are the new working American "poor".
There have always been a lot of loveless marriages and regrets about having children. Fortunately, there isn't so much pressure to go down that route today. I have several friends and peers who have gotten married either too young or for the wrong reasons, and those marriages almost always bomb out leaving both partners worse off than had they stayed single.
I've had numerous partners, but seven longer term relationships. Out of those, I could only see myself getting married to one of these women. Various other relationships didn't work for numerous reasons.
At 31, my family, especially my grandparents, are eager for me to find someone and settle down. I don't have, and have never had, a desire to have children. Marriage? Possibly, but I doubt I'll find anyone here in my small town at this point.
I wouldn't consider myself highly motivated, but I seem to be more motivated than most of the rest of my family and many of my peers. I've moved halfway across the country twice, once with no help at all on either end, simply because my employment situation here sucked and I needed to do better. Other than one set of grandparents moving to Florida in the 1960s, no one else in my family has lived outside this general area. Many are fine scrimping by on whatever $12-$15/hr job they can round up, eating Beenie Weenies and drinking Natural Light.
While I'm by no means always chasing the next big thing, I do have higher standards than is common back here in Tennessee.
People still want to get married. They just don't want to get married fresh out of high school. And I don't blame them one bit. Many people want to use that time in their lives to learn who they are as people before sharing their lives with another person.
Unfortunately, there are some people as demonstrated on this board that are still stuck in the 1950's and refuse to let it go or acknowledge that that decade was a flash in the pan compared to the rest of American history.
As several people have now questioned why it is "sad" that more people are turning away from marriage and what is so good about marriage, I have thought about it, and the best answer I can give is that, in the best of cases (and setting aside love and passion and a guaranteed sex partner USUALLY, lol), it offers companionship and security. Sure, you can have those with live-in relationships, but it is a lot easier when things get tough, to just break up because we all know that it is much more difficult to get a divorce than for one someone to just leave.
Now, I know that some people think that it SHOULD be easy to split up if a relationship is no longer working, but that is the problem, imo. If one can change partners almost as easily as going on an out-of-state vacation, life becomes a series of relationships instead of -- hopefully -- a long-term partnership with one person who will be with you until you are old and not as attractive as you once were, who KNOWS you and loves you anyway, despite graying or thinning hair and a few extra pounds. I know too many people who are older and alone because they chose to get divorced and/or they decided to not be "tied down." Now, of course, I know that people are widowed all the time, but most people are still active and enjoying life in their 70's (and sometimes even longer), and I think it is sad if they don't have someone they love to share the last decades of their life with.
Now, of course, this is not to say that EVERYONE should be married because I definitely do NOT believe that marriage is right for everyone. I also know that there are many people who can find plenty of fulfillment and happiness all by themselves or with family and/or friends. However, I do think that for most people, a long-term marriage is preferable to a series of uncommitted relationships.
But, of course, I am biased because I have been in a very good marriage for 30 years. If I had had a bad marriage, I am almost certain that I would feel differently!
P.S. But I DO agree that it is usually better until you know who YOU are as a person before you try to find a spouse. I do agree that the great majority of people should not get married "right out of high school" -- or even right out of college!
Delayed weddings don't have a direct relationship with living at home. They are related to a third factor, the general economy. But it's not as though Millennials are living at home because they can't get married, or that they can't get married because they're living at home.
A lot of old people are delaying retirement because the same economy put them behind the eight ball in their late middle age.
Well, if they are supporting their 24 - 30+ year olds, that's money not going to their retirement savings.
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