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I'm talking about a woman who purposely orders the most expensive item on the menu, and then leaves. Or more typically, stays so she can take home all the leftovers but never intends to see him again, and never did in the first place.
That's common, IMHO.
Sadly, this is the risk that we men must take. Outside of insisting or dictating that all dates be held at the local starbucks, men have no idea if going on a regular dinner date will lead to another date or an empty wallet from the bill and the date never seeing him again. Once or twice is fine, but in the modern dating scene this can happen countless times for a man over a short period of time. I'm not saying women generally want free dinners, I'm saying the risk is usually with the man financially. If he doesn't pay for dinner, she's definitely not going to see him again. If he splits the bills, she might think he's cheap.
What's worse, alot of women will not finish the entire meal nor take it home for leftovers. I've experienced it firsthand.
So I understand where you're coming from and the irony of the story. Perhaps the OP was seeking "vengeance" but he crossed the line when he intentionally did it 8 different times at fancy restaurants. Whereas most women would probably first agree to meet to cheap coffee places like starbucks.
I've known plenty of women to walk out on their dates. Sometimes it wasn't planned in advance, but it still happened!
I also knew a guy who met his date at a restaurant; when she noticed he was crippled, she excused herself to "use the restroom." Then called a friend to come pick her up and left him there.
Restaurants should require each individual diner to be solely responsible for their own bill, from a legal standpoint, at least. So you pay for whatever you order. So if the man walks out, he is responsible for his portion of the bill. If the woman walks out, she's responsible for her portion.
The planning it in advance is the thing that made it a crime. He did not simply decide he wasn't attracted his date and walk out, he does this all the time, start talking to random women and ask them to dinner, NOT to go on a date with them but to trick them into buying him a meal. I don't understand how people don't see the difference.
And again, the only reason this guy was arrested is because some women made a complaint to the police about him. So again, it is not a double standard, as we have no idea what would happen if a group of men found they had all been swindled by the same woman and decided to make a complaint about it. Again, it is the pattern, the same M.O. each time to multiple different women, perhaps the exact same words, that led to this. Not simply a man who walked out of a bad date.
Your friend's date was mean to do that, but A. she didn't eat first, and B. your friend should have disclosed that he was visibly "crippled", before the date. I would consider dating a man with disabilities, but I'd be peeved if I was just surprised by it after seeing pics and talking beforehand and it was never mentioned. I had a first date once who had all closed mouth smiles on his profile, and when he smiled on the first date, he had many missing teeth. Now my fiancé didn't have any bottom teeth when I first started dating him, so it's not about that. it was hiding it until the date that turned me off (as well as the fact he was spending money on dates rather than getting his teeth fixed).
I don't think this happens often enough to make people agree to a legal contract before they get a table. Most dine and dash crimes the restaurant doesn't get paid by anyone. I also wouldn't go to dinner for a first date and pay. ot because I want a free meal, but because for me the traditional courtship ritual is important. I'd rather a date pay for my meal at Chito Burrito than go Dutch at a nice restaurant. I always had "first meets" before a dinner, for drinks or coffee, so we both knew whether there was any potential before anyone spent a lot of money.
But in any case, this was not about dating, it was about deliberate conning of a bunch of women.
I see where people are going with this and I do think it raises an interesting side discussion. I remember back in my 20s, when I was single, I remember girls who would accept my offer to go out to dinner, or to buy them a drink, even though they had no interest in me, just because they wanted the free meal or free drink. I also fell into a social group where some of the girls bragged their Friday and Saturday night strategy was to get men to buy them drinks all night long so they didn’t have to pay anything. I even stopped offering to buy women drinks in bars because I became so disgusted by it – and yet I still met my wife in a bar.
It's said there are women who are completely clueless that drinks at bars cost money. They've had men pay their tabs all along.
In another case, a waiter at a semi-swanky joint would see the same women dining there often, but with a different man each time. He was actually impressed that for one double date, the 2 guys had enough of their dates being rude to the servers, callously racking up a huge bill, and not letting them get a word in edge-wise that they paid their portions, and then a bit some more, and walked out on them (to the dismay of the 2 ladies screaming "NOBODY WALKS OUT ON US!")
Quote:
Originally Posted by Reefmonkey
Getting back to the OP, I certainly have been out in groups with cheapskates who have stiffed me when we were supposed to be splitting the bill. The common ploys are just paying for one’s entrée without factoring in one’s beverages, appetizers, tax, tip, etc. But it never once entered my mind that my dining companions had stiffed the restaurant, they had just stiffed me. In legal terms, the way I see it, when a group of adults sit at a table at a restaurant and everyone orders, everyone at the table has joint and severable liability for the whole cost of the bill. So, in the case of this dine-and-dash guy, if some of the restaurants chose to take pity on the dates and not hold them responsible for the full cost of the bill, that’s their choice, but their main legal remedy was to hold the dates responsible for the full bill, and if they chose not to avail themselves of that remedy, they’ve waived their right to seek anything from the dine-and-dasher.
Yeah, many were advised NOT to host Meetin.org events at these such restaurants because the host/ess was on the hook to cover the tab. In one group diner event, they were short $100. At best, benefit of the doubt says they forgot about DC's 10% sales tax, and tip. However, it's still quite annoying.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
I still don’t think it’s common sorry.
Well maybe that's the heart of the issue here.
How common it is.
I think all of us acknowledge that women do exactly what this man did (and now technically faces more than a decade in prison) and they get away with it, completely. No consequences whatsoever.
Personally, I think it's common. As in, every man who has used online dating for more than, say, 15 dates has encountered this in a woman. Purposely going on dinner dates and ordering expensive meals with zero intention of forming a relationship, and maybe not even staying to the end of the meal after eating.
Interestingly, in your "sneating" link, is a man who walks the check because he realizes she's ordered a TON of food and 4 glasses of wine, and all she wanted was the free food. So he did basically what the guy who's charged with a felony did. Interesting.
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They've had men pay their tabs all along.
