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Old 01-15-2012, 06:30 PM
 
Location: southern born and southern bred
12,477 posts, read 17,793,169 times
Reputation: 19597

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thinking of you Tami. Don't be so hard on yourself......you too have been through a lot.
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Old 01-15-2012, 08:56 PM
 
Location: Not where I want to be
24,509 posts, read 24,195,706 times
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Thanks, Pip. (((HUGS))
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Old 01-19-2012, 04:29 AM
 
Location: FL
1,727 posts, read 2,548,426 times
Reputation: 1052
I am certain God will forgive you. He knows your heart. It is difficult to care for someone in that situation. It is natural to be frustrated sometimes. Especially when the person you are caring for and trying so hard to be good to, is being unkind to you.

Hang in there. Take time for yourself sometimes. I know you want to be there for him as much as possible, but you still need to take care of YOU a bit too.

Think of it this way. Don't you want to come to him feeling positive, after a short break for yourself, than taking no break and already being stressed when you get there?
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Old 01-21-2012, 02:26 PM
 
Location: Not where I want to be
24,509 posts, read 24,195,706 times
Reputation: 24282
My beautiful, wonderful, loving husband passed away Thursday, Jan 19th. Everything he said or did during those last two weeks was automatically forgotten. He last words to me were "I love you too." He passed away when I wasn't there. I had prayed that he wouldn't die in front of my eyes. I could not have handled that.

I am so sad, so lonesome but I am so thankful that he is out of his misery. On a scale of 1-10, his pain was a 20. It was the cancer that was doing the talking and acting out. It had never occured to me that it had gone to his brain. I was acting like he was his normal self and expecting his normal actions. How wrong I was.

Earl, sweetheart, I am so sorry for my nasty thoughts. Thank you for forgiving me for having to put you in hospice the last 3 days of your life. I love you too, Babe.
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Old 01-21-2012, 05:20 PM
 
3,320 posts, read 5,570,183 times
Reputation: 9681
You were a wonderful loving wife. I hope you will remember the good, happy times and that the difficult days will soon be a distant memory. Sending you prayers tamiznluv.
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Old 01-21-2012, 10:56 PM
 
977 posts, read 1,109,517 times
Reputation: 1927
Tami, Sweetheart, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. I don't have any better words right now....
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Old 01-21-2012, 11:44 PM
 
Location: southern born and southern bred
12,477 posts, read 17,793,169 times
Reputation: 19597
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
My beautiful, wonderful, loving husband passed away Thursday, Jan 19th. Everything he said or did during those last two weeks was automatically forgotten. He last words to me were "I love you too." He passed away when I wasn't there. I had prayed that he wouldn't die in front of my eyes. I could not have handled that.

I am so sad, so lonesome but I am so thankful that he is out of his misery. On a scale of 1-10, his pain was a 20. It was the cancer that was doing the talking and acting out. It had never occured to me that it had gone to his brain. I was acting like he was his normal self and expecting his normal actions. How wrong I was.

Earl, sweetheart, I am so sorry for my nasty thoughts. Thank you for forgiving me for having to put you in hospice the last 3 days of your life. I love you too, Babe.

just saw your post Tami. My heart goes out to you. You handled things like the wonderful,strong person you are but we all have our breaking points. You were angry at the situation-not him. May he rest in peace now. Damn cancer! Message me whenever you need too and know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Pippy
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Old 01-22-2012, 10:09 PM
 
Location: Not where I want to be
24,509 posts, read 24,195,706 times
Reputation: 24282
No need to respond, people, just need to vent....

I KNEW this was going to happen and there was nothing I could do to stop him and get him here with me, even after he got fired from his job because of his health. Grrrrrr
.
Woe is me. He wouldn't come here because he didn't want me to see what he had to go through on a daily basis to stay alive, yet I saw the worst the past few days. IDK, maybe I didn't, maybe he was worse when I wasn't there at the hospice home. I do know that the 10 days he was here were the longest, worst days I have ever had. Mamma Mia!!! I realized that Sunday was only 2 weeks that I had brought him home with me and he died only 3 days later when I sent him to hospice. Those 10 days were pure torture for me. They must have been even worse for him but I only know what I went through. HELL.
LOL, I talked to him through the whole game, knowing what he would've been saying! I also told him I was pissed that he didn't have the feeding tube in and he cheated me of time. I really believe he would have lasted longer if he had been able to eat. Maybe that would have prolonged the suffering, IDK. I told him I was pissed about that but I still loved him.
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Old 01-23-2012, 03:35 PM
 
Location: Not where I want to be
24,509 posts, read 24,195,706 times
Reputation: 24282
OMG....took a two hour nap and the constant headache I've had for the past 15 days is gone! It feels so good! Got a few things accomplished and will be saving $69 a month so far. Oh wait, make that $137+ since Earl won't be buying any more cigs. Or booze...the total keeps going up! That's a good thing.

Thank you all for seeing me through these past days. I could not have made it without my cyber friends and family. That nap seemed to have turned a corner for me. I can now go on about my life. I hope this feeling stays.
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Old 01-30-2012, 08:16 AM
 
Location: Islip,NY
20,935 posts, read 28,420,556 times
Reputation: 24913
I just read this post. I am sorry for your loss. My dad passed away from cancer in 2004. I am sorry you both had to suffer.Your husband will always be in your heart and memories. It's not easy being a caretaker. My mom did it with her parents, my dad and her brother and it takes a toll on you. I hope you can enjoy your life and be happy. God bless.
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