Very depressed after losing weight (vegetables, overweight, health issue, patient)
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We have a 2-year-old son and my wife works full-time. I can understand her being tired. But, really, who isn't tired?
I agree with those who have weighed in here. I need to, first and foremost, take care of myself. Focusing on how I feel lonely, emotionally abandoned, etc. isn't going to help matters any. I've already said I'm willing to walk over this issue and I know she's upset by that. Again, it won't help to repeat myself on that.
I definitely don't think you are going to turn up the passion in your marriage by threatening to walk away...
Having a SO with a low libido is frustrating for both parties, not just the individual with the normal libido. Your wife is no doubt frustrated by her own lack of desire. Telling her that you will leave the marriage if there isn't more passion is a sure way to kill what little passion she may have, and honestly, if I were her I would feel very resentful of that comment. It would probably stay in my mind for a long time, even if it was just an off-hand remark. I am pretty sure I would dwell on it and it wouldn't be doing anything to improve the passion in a relationship with me.
I really think that you need to be more understanding of your wife, and she probably also needs to be more understanding of the frustration you are experiencing. There are ways to talk about that without it turning into a fight, truly. Libido differences are something that NEED to be talked about, even though it is hard.
Anyway, as for your depression, I think that is probably more related to your overall life and primary relationship than it is to your weight loss. I do know that I lost a lot of weight for my wedding and I felt great about that, but so many other things in my life were going wrong that I actually ended up on ant-depressants after losing weight too. In a 3 month period I had been hit by a drunk driver, had my garage broken into, had the house broken into, had the car broken into while it was on the street, my husband was rear-ended, and we found out that several gifts had been stolen from our wedding reception. I felt like I was constantly filing police reports and it really got me down. But, did that have anything to do with my weight loss? Not really...
Your wife's lack of interest has really nothing to do with you.
I definitely think that is true. You could be George Cloney (or whoever she thinks is really attractive) and it won't matter if she simply has a low libido. Heck, just being on birth control pills can cause a lot of women to lose their desire! Almost everyone I know has had to deal with a lack of desire at one time or another, and it is extremely rare that it has anything to do with the guy. Unless you are just horrible and totally selfish in bed, it isn't you.
As I said, I haven't dealt with the marriage issues in the most positive way. That's on me, and I need to change. I really don't want to hijack my own thread with all the relationship stuff.
I've been thinking a lot about the whole "relationship with food" issue that was brought up earlier. Last night, I was thinking that it would be so liberating to go and eat whatever the h--- I wanted. In the past, it would be nothing at all for me to consume 3,000 calories in a day with no exercise at all. Typical meal would be several fried chicken wings, big serving of white rice, and wash it down with a beer or two. I don't do that sort of thing any longer. But, I do still eat a lot of the foods I like. Just not as much in one sitting as I used to do.
When I was more aggressively trying to lose weight, I was netting out around 1,800 calories each day. Now, I'm content to stay where I am. Problem is, I've run the numbers on a few different online calculators and don't trust some of the numbers I'm seeing. One of the calculators said I could consume as much as 2,400 calories and maintain my present weight. Maybe, I misinterpreted what I was seeing. After seeing such a number, I was inclined not to believe it, and I felt a sense of fear that I'd start gaining weight back if I upped my net calorie intake to something like 2,400.
I honestly feel that I don't know where I should be right now, so I'm shooting for around 2,000. Yesterday was the first day in more than a month that I netted out at more than 2,000 calories. I felt a little anxious about that, but felt I should enjoy some late night goodies. One day wasn't necessarily going to harm anything.
honestly feel that I don't know where I should be right now, so I'm shooting for around 2,000. Yesterday was the first day in more than a month that I netted out at more than 2,000 calories. I felt a little anxious about that, but felt I should enjoy some late night goodies. One day wasn't necessarily going to harm anything.
That's what many say as they start falling off the wagon. "Just this once won't hurt" and before you know it you've put all that weight back on. "You gotta get obsessed and stay obsessed" is a better motto for success.
I hear ya. I was back on the wagon yesterday and plan to stay there today. Taking this one day at a time. That's how I was able to lose the weight. I just didn't feel it was necessary to launch into stage-10 panic because I was over the calorie number on one day when I had done well for the preceding 30+ days.
That's what many say as they start falling off the wagon. "Just this once won't hurt" and before you know it you've put all that weight back on. "You gotta get obsessed and stay obsessed" is a better motto for success.
This is why I like WW. You CAN blow one day, you just realize that you have blown all your weekly points.
My wife "borrows" exercise points - she will some days eat beyond her daily and weekly and already earned exercise points - "I know Im going to exercise as much tomorrow as I did today" Shes not supposed to. But she is pretty good about "paying them back" and has been more or less steadily losing.
Also (points from another thread) on WW I can eat at potlucks - I just have to carefully note what I eat, and make reasonable (and usually conservative) guesses about preparation. I can also eat fruit of course.
And if someone gains a pound in a particular week, WW is not "OMG" Its take a deep breath, get back on the plan, BELIEVE in the plan.
The more I read in this forum all kinds of things, the better I feel about WW. Standard caveat - of course its not for everyone.
I hear ya. I was back on the wagon yesterday and plan to stay there today. Taking this one day at a time. That's how I was able to lose the weight. I just didn't feel it was necessary to launch into stage-10 panic because I was over the calorie number on one day when I had done well for the preceding 30+ days.
absolutely. If someone says "I blew one day, now its all over, I might as well give up" thats a big reason these things dont succeed.
We have a 2-year-old son and my wife works full-time. I can understand her being tired. But, really, who isn't tired?
BINGO!
Your wife is discovering that life is not a fairy tale and IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT DAMNIT!!
I hope for your sake, and for the sake of your family and marriage that she comes to the realization that *love* is not about the butterflies in your tummy feeling, and that working together to have a strong, happy marriage and family is the greatest demonstration of true love that you can have.
Our survival of the species once relied on diversification of DNA. At one time (thousands of years ago), it was important to have children by as many DIFFERENT DNA donors as possible. Women have an INHERENT dissatisfaction with their mates and longing to "diversify" at about the 2 - 4 year mark. It is a natural, innate thing that we must LEARN to understand. Otherwise the pattern repeats, and repeats, and repeats. (I bet YOU know a woman who has two or three children by different fathers and is STILL looking for Mr. Perfect - you betcha).
The dissatisfaction she feels is natural. However, unless she understands that it is her hormones and physiology that is causing this problem, she will never be able to deal with it as a rational person.
I get the message loud and clear that she's not attracted to me. She says that she is but talk is cheap. Actions speak loudest. If she was truly attracted to me, this would not be an issue. She is healthy and there is nothing stopping her. Hey, I know that other women find me attractive.
Anyway, this isn't really central to my main point. I really didn't want this thread to turn into a referendum on who is the crappier spouse in my household. I plan to see a doctor soon about my mood issues. And I'm keeping the diet going and feel good about it. The one day I was over my calorie goal didn't hurt me and I knew it wouldn't.
I get the message loud and clear that she's not attracted to me. She says that she is but talk is cheap. Actions speak loudest. If she was truly attracted to me, this would not be an issue. She is healthy and there is nothing stopping her. Hey, I know that other women find me attractive.
Anyway, this isn't really central to my main point. I really didn't want this thread to turn into a referendum on who is the crappier spouse in my household. I plan to see a doctor soon about my mood issues. And I'm keeping the diet going and feel good about it. The one day I was over my calorie goal didn't hurt me and I knew it wouldn't.
Maybe you and your wife should consult a marriage counselor?
Perhaps they could give you ideas to help re-kindle your romance?
Or at least, they could determine the real reason your romance isn't happening at this time.
If other women find you attractive, then it is not likely your looks that are the problem.
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