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If Facebook is the only form of communication that I can have with my daughter......I will definitely take it! As far as being "estranged" from my daughter, all the blame shouldn't be put on me......her mother moved around so much it was unreal. Now, back to the thread topic.
Wife and I were both shocked to see my dd put her son's weight on FB, but she did. Does she realize just how much he weighs, don't really know and, as some posters have recommended......I stay away from the subject on FB or thru e-mail. They live on the same property that her mom and step-dad does (separate houses) and I don't even know if her mom and/or step-dad have said anything to her about it.
I also know that there are parents out there than "tippy-toe" around what their kids (pre-teen and teen) do at home concerning some things. They don't want to "rock the boat" and cause enough trouble to the point that the child runs away or leaves home to be with a gf or bf.
Here are a couple of ways my step-parents handled me back in the mid/late 60's: I stopped drinking water when I became a Freshman in h.s......would always go for the CoolAid or milk. So my step-mom put a full glass of water by my plate at dinner and I had to drink it. The other meals I got to have milk or CoolAid, but a full glass of water was by my plate everyday at supper until I started drinking water again. I was warned about what would happen if I didn't start drinking water, but I didn't heed the warning! Anyway, no "sas" from me, I knew better, and after some weeks past, and I drank more water inbetween meals and the glass of water went away at dinner went away.
I use to come home from school, change out of my school clothes and into my farm clothes and throw my school clothes on the bedroom floor. I was warned "you know where the clothes basket is, start putting those clothes in it or you will be ironing your own clothes!" Again, like the water "warning", I ignored what she said. The next week when I came home from school, the ironing board was up, iron sitting on it (off) and my school clothes laying in the basket for me to iron! I was shocked, but AGAIN, no "sas" from this kid, because I already knew what my step-dads belt on my butt felt like!.
I know I've got somewhat "off topic" here, but when I read a couple of posts here concerning parents and their kids, I wanted to chime in on that. Also, let's not get postings about spankings as this thread isn't about that. However, when I got my step-dad's belt on my butt, I deserved it! I learned very quickly how to avoid getting his belt on my butt! It was called RESPECT and trying not to get into trouble!
If Facebook is the only form of communication that I can have with my daughter......I will definitely take it! As far as being "estranged" from my daughter, all the blame shouldn't be put on me......her mother moved around so much it was unreal. Now, back to the thread topic.
Wife and I were both shocked to see my dd put her son's weight on FB, but she did. Does she realize just how much he weighs, don't really know and, as some posters have recommended......I stay away from the subject on FB or thru e-mail. They live on the same property that her mom and step-dad does (separate houses) and I don't even know if her mom and/or step-dad have said anything to her about it.
I also know that there are parents out there than "tippy-toe" around what their kids (pre-teen and teen) do at home concerning some things. They don't want to "rock the boat" and cause enough trouble to the point that the child runs away or leaves home to be with a gf or bf.
Here are a couple of ways my step-parents handled me back in the mid/late 60's: I stopped drinking water when I became a Freshman in h.s......would always go for the CoolAid or milk. So my step-mom put a full glass of water by my plate at dinner and I had to drink it. The other meals I got to have milk or CoolAid, but a full glass of water was by my plate everyday at supper until I started drinking water again. I was warned about what would happen if I didn't start drinking water, but I didn't heed the warning! Anyway, no "sas" from me, I knew better, and after some weeks past, and I drank more water inbetween meals and the glass of water went away at dinner went away.
I use to come home from school, change out of my school clothes and into my farm clothes and throw my school clothes on the bedroom floor. I was warned "you know where the clothes basket is, start putting those clothes in it or you will be ironing your own clothes!" Again, like the water "warning", I ignored what she said. The next week when I came home from school, the ironing board was up, iron sitting on it (off) and my school clothes laying in the basket for me to iron! I was shocked, but AGAIN, no "sas" from this kid, because I already knew what my step-dads belt on my butt felt like!.
I know I've got somewhat "off topic" here, but when I read a couple of posts here concerning parents and their kids, I wanted to chime in on that. Also, let's not get postings about spankings as this thread isn't about that. However, when I got my step-dad's belt on my butt, I deserved it! I learned very quickly how to avoid getting his belt on my butt! It was called RESPECT and trying not to get into trouble!
I totally get what you're saying here and agree for the most part but this is not an issue where the child is deliberately misbehaving or even carelessly misbehaving. I'm not huge on Focus on the Family, but he gave some good advice about parenting: when a child is careless, you discipline him, really in the way that your parents disciplined you I think. But if a child defies you, you come down harsh and hard and I don't mean beating, but you make it so he or she won't want to try that again. For a teen, that probably means losing privileges and getting grounded and for a middle school child it might mean taking away his favorite computer game.
But the weight loss issue is a whole nuther kettle of fish and needs to be dealt with sensitively b/c the child wants that weight off even more than you want it off--I have never known anyone who was happy about being overweight, and if peer pressure isn't getting the weight off, then harsh parenting or snarky remarks most certainly aren't going to do the job. In fact, they can add to the emotional trauma b/c then the kid thinks that no one will accept him as he is, not even his family. I mean think about it--he/she can't get a date when all the other kids are dating, kids at school make snide comments, and then mom and dad tell him right in front of sibs that he can't have another helping and if they're insensitive, they tell him why in front of the other kids. I know a lot of overweight adults who would cringe at being treated in such a way.
In other words, your child's weight has nothing to do with how much respect she has for you. I also found a way to reach her when I suspected that she has PCOS and I brought a book from the library and approaching it in that manner was much less emotionally charged than telling her she needs to lose weight and she took it seriously.
As for your dd's posting her son's weight on FB--I agree that it is kind of strange and I do have to wonder whether that was a sneaky attempt on her part to shame him? My dd would kill me.
But the weight loss issue is a whole nuther kettle of fish and needs to be dealt with sensitively b/c the child wants that weight off even more than you want it off--I have never known anyone who was happy about being overweight, and if peer pressure isn't getting the weight off, then harsh parenting or snarky remarks most certainly aren't going to do the job. In fact, they can add to the emotional trauma b/c then the kid thinks that no one will accept him as he is, not even his family. I mean think about it--he/she can't get a date when all the other kids are dating, kids at school make snide comments, and then mom and dad tell him right in front of sibs that he can't have another helping and if they're insensitive, they tell him why in front of the other kids. I know a lot of overweight adults who would cringe at being treated in such a way.
I was a chubby kid, and my mother wasn't super harsh with her comments (though sometimes she'd say things like "you don't need that") and it still lead to me binging in secret. I certainly didn't feel grateful that she was trying to make me healthier.
It really has nothing to do with them eating "the wrong kind of food". Calories are calories. Kids get fat from eating more than they burn and the amount they eat is based purely on genetics. The best you can do is encourage a big eater to be active and hope they can burn it off.
This makes sense to me, though you can also encourage them to accept being hungry as difficult as that is. Some people are simply lucky enough to have a hunger level that doesn't make them fat. Others' hunger levels drive them to be overweight. Most people eat to the same level of satisfaction, unfortuneately that may be too many calories to be healthy.
Erm, the amount they eat is based on the amount they're fed by their families. Kids are taught to eat more than they need. Kids who are not taught to overconsume, generally don't overconsume. With the expected occasional exception of the random hot fudge sundae at Susie's birthday party. Some kids will overconsume, even if they're not taught to by their families. They might have an emotional disorder triggering - not an increased appetite - but rather, an increased need to rely on food as a form of self-medication. That is -not- genetic. At all..
Didn't you see the video of the study posted here on another thread with the kids at the British day care center? Also, did you not read what I said about my own kids? They were raised the same way and fed the same things and one is a big eater and the other isn't. That's pretty telling and I can't come up with any other explanation than genetics. They're perfectly normal kids and aren't "self-medicating". I'm sure if you have siblings you can relate to differences in behavior and preferences, including appetite.
It's probably the same thing as how people look at sex or clothes shopping. Some like a lot and others are fine with the occasional.
The food kids are eating is only one part of the equation. A lack of exercise by today's kids is a huge factor in childhood obesity. When I was young (not that long ago ) kids would either work after school doing chores, play sports or just play outside, ride bikes, run, etc. Now they are on the computer, Wii/XBox/PS3, at the mall, sitting watching tv.
Rarely do I see families going for bike rides, walks or runs, kids mowing the lawn, or even just playing outside. And if the parents sit like lumps in front of the tv, it is likely that the kids will, too. Yes, a lot of kids go through a chubby phase right before hitting their growth spurt; but that does not explain the childhood obesity epidemic.
I don't see how a gpa living out of town would be able to change the situation. It must be very distressing for the OP to see his grandson, and worry about his current and future health.
Didn't you see the video of the study posted here on another thread with the kids at the British day care center? Also, did you not read what I said about my own kids? They were raised the same way and fed the same things and one is a big eater and the other isn't. That's pretty telling and I can't come up with any other explanation than genetics.
Twins studies support this.
"Height, weight, and body mass index (BMI) were assessed in a sample of 1974 monozygotic and 2097 dizygotic male twin pairs. Concordance rates for different degrees of overweight were twice as high for monozygotic twins as for dizygotic twins. Classic twin methods estimated a high heritability for height, weight, and BMI, both at age 20 years (.80, .78, and .77, respectively) and at a 25-year follow-up (.80, .81, and .84, respectively). Height, weight, and BMI were highly correlated across time, and a path analysis suggested that the major part of that covariation was genetic. These results are similar to those of other twin studies of these measures and suggest that human fatness is under substantial genetic control."
I'll try to put this in terms that would be understood by a 12-year-old.
Joe and Sue are brother and sister.
Sue is more likely to get fat than Joe, because of genetics.
HOWEVER
Sue's mother knows this, and is careful about what Sue eats and makes sure Sue gets rigorous exercise every day. Sue's mother is in charge of the groceries, and the activities, of her children, so Sue's mother is "the boss" when it comes to this stuff.
Joe, being less likely to get fat due to genetics, is not watched as carefully. Unfortunately, this means Joe slacks off, and eats MORE than is safe for him to eat. He stuffs extra portions in his mouth, because mom is so obsessed with making sure Sue eats well and overlooks Joe's eating behavior. Mom also isn't noticing that Joe spends more time reading in the back yard, than playing in the back yard. Joe's sport in elementary school is having the ball thrown at him during dodge ball, and missing. So Joe spends a lot of time sitting out during recess, because he's always picked last and it has ruined his self-esteem.
Joe - gets fat.
Sue - does not.
Genetics? Nope. The only thing genetics has to do with this situation, is that mom uses it as an excuse to ignore her son and her son learns the wrong lesson - that he can eat what he wants, however much he wants, without self-control, and that he doesn't have to pick up his butt and exercise, because genetics says he won't get fat. Which is - horsepucky.
I've seen photos of the gs fishing, but most of that was done with dd ex-boyfriend in his small boat (she would go as well). How much exercise he really gets and what his eating habits are, really don't know. We know that he goes to a special school for ? (we don't know). Also know that gs had broke dd's laptop a couple of times and she wasn't too happy about that. One thing for sure, he loves doing things outdoors like fishing and target shooting with his .22 rifle.......and dd isn't very interested in those two things. She doesn't seem to be as much of an outdoors person as her mother (my ex) was some years ago. In some ways, we (wife/I) just don't think it's the lack of exercise that gs gets, we think it's more of what he's allowed to eat.
Does anyone think that growing up without a "father figure" in the scene can affect weight? Does a parents personality/activities have "something" to do with a child's weight problem?
Quote:
Originally Posted by daydreamin71
The food kids are eating is only one part of the equation. A lack of exercise by today's kids is a huge factor in childhood obesity. When I was young (not that long ago ) kids would either work after school doing chores, play sports or just play outside, ride bikes, run, etc. Now they are on the computer, Wii/XBox/PS3, at the mall, sitting watching tv.
Rarely do I see families going for bike rides, walks or runs, kids mowing the lawn, or even just playing outside. And if the parents sit like lumps in front of the tv, it is likely that the kids will, too. Yes, a lot of kids go through a chubby phase right before hitting their growth spurt; but that does not explain the childhood obesity epidemic.
I don't see how a gpa living out of town would be able to change the situation. It must be very distressing for the OP to see his grandson, and worry about his current and future health.
Last edited by BabyBoomers2; 11-15-2011 at 07:35 AM..
I'll try to put this in terms that would be understood by a 12-year-old.
Joe and Sue are brother and sister.
Sue is more likely to get fat than Joe, because of genetics.
HOWEVER
Sue's mother knows this, and is careful about what Sue eats and makes sure Sue gets rigorous exercise every day. Sue's mother is in charge of the groceries, and the activities, of her children, so Sue's mother is "the boss" when it comes to this stuff.
Joe, being less likely to get fat due to genetics, is not watched as carefully. Unfortunately, this means Joe slacks off, and eats MORE than is safe for him to eat. He stuffs extra portions in his mouth, because mom is so obsessed with making sure Sue eats well and overlooks Joe's eating behavior. Mom also isn't noticing that Joe spends more time reading in the back yard, than playing in the back yard. Joe's sport in elementary school is having the ball thrown at him during dodge ball, and missing. So Joe spends a lot of time sitting out during recess, because he's always picked last and it has ruined his self-esteem.
Joe - gets fat.
Sue - does not.
Genetics? Nope. The only thing genetics has to do with this situation, is that mom uses it as an excuse to ignore her son and her son learns the wrong lesson - that he can eat what he wants, however much he wants, without self-control, and that he doesn't have to pick up his butt and exercise, because genetics says he won't get fat. Which is - horsepucky.
This is well-meaning, but simplistic. There's also a good chance that Sue will resent her diet and appearance being micro-mananged while her brother is free to eat and do whatever he wants, and she'll develop an eating disorder or poor body image as a result.
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) kids would either work after school doing chores, play sports or just play outside, ride bikes, run, etc. Now they are on the computer, Wii/XBox/PS3, at the mall, sitting watching tv. 
