The life of being married to someone who is not fat (overweight, pounds)
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My husband is overall a great guy, though there are some areas that he could improve on. He's been supportive since day 1 (I've been fat since we've met, although not as fat as I am now). Although he gives me ideas, read articles that could help me, sometimes I feel like it is a bit too much. I mean, I know he means well, but it is kinda borderline controlling.
Before I made the changes, he's been going on and on about how I need to change my eating habits, which I did and am, so he's quieted down about that. I feel like he is bothered about me having big arms. My arms is what stands out most on my body. I may look good in the front view but my side view is not nice. My arms sticks out like a sore thumb and makes me look bigger than I really am. On occasion, he jokingly makes comments on how I would look much better if my arms shrunk. Duh, who doesnt know that?
He is always making critical comments about the way I dress. I know I am fat, but I am only 25. For most of my young adult life, I have always dressed conservative trying to hide everything. Which means long pants, t-shirts (usually 3/4 sleeves), even if its 100 degrees outside, I still wear long pants.
This morning, I tried to stray away from what I normally wear and we were about to go out and have lunch. He stopped me in my tracks and said "are you gonna wear THAT shirt?" I was wearing cargo pants, and a sleeveless top. He said if I wanted to wear that, I should put something over. I asked "is it about my arms again?" He made up some lame excuses to not appear as the bad guy and said things like "no, that shirt just looks worn out and old" so I went on and said "stop lying, it is about my arms". And he said "no, I just dont appreciate women wearing tank tops or anything sleeveless it looks gross with armpit hair". Wow, this is the 21st century, armpit hair???
So I changed to something less "revealing" and gave him the silent treatment. He finally came forward and said he didnt want to be blunt about my weight. Truth is, I dont look good in those clothes. He said I should just stay covered up for now until I reach a certain weight. He believes in "hiding" everything if you are fat.
I feel so stressed out at time because my husband is so critical. I dont know if all this comes from him being supportive and trying to "watch my back" or if he's embarrassed himself for having a fat wife.
I almost wished that I married a someone who is in the same boat as me, so we can both be on this journey together.
If it helps - I am now a size 16, and wear XL. I dont know how my weight is distributed, but so far I dont have the need to shop in the plus size section yet, so I dont think I look THAT bad.
I bought a pair of shorts that stops at my mid thighs and showed it to him. I even wore it and asked how it looks. He said it wasnt too bad but shows my thunder thighs...He thinks I should wear things that are below the knees.
Maybe talk to him about how you feel when he expresses these criticisms? Would he be open to discussing it?
Just a smaller point from your post--I think many people are grossed out by women not shaving under their arms. It's not just your husband. Your choice of course.
Maybe talk to him about how you feel when he expresses these criticisms? Would he be open to discussing it?
Just a smaller point from your post--I think many people are grossed out by women not shaving under their arms. It's not just your husband. Your choice of course.
lol, I definitely shave my arms. What I meant was that to cover up his bluntness, he came up with ridiculous lame excuses that doesnt pertain to me. For example, instead of being straightforward about me revealing my big arms, he said he hated EVERYONE who wears sleeveless tops because it shows armpit hair. That made me crazy because that comment was so out of the blue, and I said that is a big generalization since a huge part of the population wears sleeveless shirts. He knew what he said was stupid, so finally admitted that it was about my arms.
Its a constant battle really, when I tell him that I feel his "support" is on the edge of controlling, he gets upset and says "fine, I wont say anything anymore". Finally, when we are on good terms again, he starts to get mouthy again.
You're only a size 16 and and XL....but how much weight have you gained since you married?
You say you were overweight (fat) when you met...so how much bigger are you now.
Could he be picking up on how YOU feel about your weight gain?
My husband is overall a great guy, though there are some areas that he could improve on. He's been supportive since day 1 (I've been fat since we've met, although not as fat as I am now). Although he gives me ideas, read articles that could help me, sometimes I feel like it is a bit too much. I mean, I know he means well, but it is kinda borderline controlling.
Before I made the changes, he's been going on and on about how I need to change my eating habits, which I did and am, so he's quieted down about that. I feel like he is bothered about me having big arms. My arms is what stands out most on my body. I may look good in the front view but my side view is not nice. My arms sticks out like a sore thumb and makes me look bigger than I really am. On occasion, he jokingly makes comments on how I would look much better if my arms shrunk. Duh, who doesnt know that?
He is always making critical comments about the way I dress. I know I am fat, but I am only 25. For most of my young adult life, I have always dressed conservative trying to hide everything. Which means long pants, t-shirts (usually 3/4 sleeves), even if its 100 degrees outside, I still wear long pants.
This morning, I tried to stray away from what I normally wear and we were about to go out and have lunch. He stopped me in my tracks and said "are you gonna wear THAT shirt?" I was wearing cargo pants, and a sleeveless top. He said if I wanted to wear that, I should put something over. I asked "is it about my arms again?" He made up some lame excuses to not appear as the bad guy and said things like "no, that shirt just looks worn out and old" so I went on and said "stop lying, it is about my arms". And he said "no, I just dont appreciate women wearing tank tops or anything sleeveless it looks gross with armpit hair". Wow, this is the 21st century, armpit hair???
So I changed to something less "revealing" and gave him the silent treatment. He finally came forward and said he didnt want to be blunt about my weight. Truth is, I dont look good in those clothes. He said I should just stay covered up for now until I reach a certain weight. He believes in "hiding" everything if you are fat.
I feel so stressed out at time because my husband is so critical. I dont know if all this comes from him being supportive and trying to "watch my back" or if he's embarrassed himself for having a fat wife.
I almost wished that I married a someone who is in the same boat as me, so we can both be on this journey together.
If it helps - I am now a size 16, and wear XL. I dont know how my weight is distributed, but so far I dont have the need to shop in the plus size section yet, so I dont think I look THAT bad.
I bought a pair of shorts that stops at my mid thighs and showed it to him. I even wore it and asked how it looks. He said it wasnt too bad but shows my thunder thighs...He thinks I should wear things that are below the knees.
Dump him and lose ~200 pounds. He is useless. If you want to lose weight, do it for you. If he doesn't like how you look, that's on him.
Personally, I don't believe in the arm police. If it is hot, go sleeveless. If people hate your arms, they should look away.
I think everyone should adopt healthy habits: eat well, sleep well and stay active. That is important.
Dump him and lose ~200 pounds. He is useless. If you want to lose weight, do it for you. If he doesn't like how you look, that's on him.
Personally, I don't believe in the arm police. If it is hot, go sleeveless. If people hate your arms, they should look away.
I think everyone should adopt healthy habits: eat well, sleep well and stay active. That is important.
If i lost 200 lbs, I will probably be long gone before then lol. I am currently 225, so if I lost that much I'd weigh less than my 2 year old.
To the other poster before you:
I was around 198 when I met him. My highest weight was 234, So I gained over 30 lbs in 7 years. I have no idea how I am 225 but still not shoppign in plus size because when I tell people (who havent seen me) that I wear size xl they build an image of someone who is 190 - 200 lbs.
I am working on it, but I honestly dont know if he really is offering support by looking out for me or if he's embarrassed by my arms. I hate making assumptions if I dont have definite proof because it may be wrong. I am not a mind reader, only he will know if he is embarrassed by me or not. So far, he keeps insisting that he is not embarrassed otherwise he wouldnt have married me, but he cant imagine me going on like this forever...its just unhealthy to be so fat (typical of how most thin people view fat people).
My husband is overall a great guy, though there are some areas that he could improve on. He's been supportive since day 1 (I've been fat since we've met, although not as fat as I am now). Although he gives me ideas, read articles that could help me, sometimes I feel like it is a bit too much. I mean, I know he means well, but it is kinda borderline controlling.
Before I made the changes, he's been going on and on about how I need to change my eating habits, which I did and am, so he's quieted down about that. I feel like he is bothered about me having big arms. My arms is what stands out most on my body. I may look good in the front view but my side view is not nice. My arms sticks out like a sore thumb and makes me look bigger than I really am. On occasion, he jokingly makes comments on how I would look much better if my arms shrunk. Duh, who doesnt know that?
He is always making critical comments about the way I dress. I know I am fat, but I am only 25. For most of my young adult life, I have always dressed conservative trying to hide everything. Which means long pants, t-shirts (usually 3/4 sleeves), even if its 100 degrees outside, I still wear long pants.
This morning, I tried to stray away from what I normally wear and we were about to go out and have lunch. He stopped me in my tracks and said "are you gonna wear THAT shirt?" I was wearing cargo pants, and a sleeveless top. He said if I wanted to wear that, I should put something over. I asked "is it about my arms again?" He made up some lame excuses to not appear as the bad guy and said things like "no, that shirt just looks worn out and old" so I went on and said "stop lying, it is about my arms". And he said "no, I just dont appreciate women wearing tank tops or anything sleeveless it looks gross with armpit hair". Wow, this is the 21st century, armpit hair???
So I changed to something less "revealing" and gave him the silent treatment. He finally came forward and said he didnt want to be blunt about my weight. Truth is, I dont look good in those clothes. He said I should just stay covered up for now until I reach a certain weight. He believes in "hiding" everything if you are fat.
I feel so stressed out at time because my husband is so critical. I dont know if all this comes from him being supportive and trying to "watch my back" or if he's embarrassed himself for having a fat wife.
I almost wished that I married a someone who is in the same boat as me, so we can both be on this journey together.
If it helps - I am now a size 16, and wear XL. I dont know how my weight is distributed, but so far I dont have the need to shop in the plus size section yet, so I dont think I look THAT bad.
I bought a pair of shorts that stops at my mid thighs and showed it to him. I even wore it and asked how it looks. He said it wasnt too bad but shows my thunder thighs...He thinks I should wear things that are below the knees.
Your husband is a controlling mother****er. Divorce him immediately, before his verbal abuse escalates to physical abuse. I am not kidding.
Your husband is being a jerk. You might try marriage counseling before you just get rid of him, since you have a child together, but I think your husband is much more of a problem than your upper arms are.
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