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Don't beat yourself up. You tried and did what you could for the dog. A few years ago, I fostered a large dog from a high kill shelter. He was super high energy and came with no prior training. I gave training my best effort and found him two separate homes that didn't work out. Unfortunately, he ended up back at the shelter and he was put down. I feel very sad about the situation but I know I tried to help him, and the adopters did too. The way the shelter manager put it to me was, it wasn't our fault, it was the first owner's fault because they never put any time in training the dog. Had they tried, he would never have ended up there. Sometimes you can't undo what other people have done. (Unless you are Caesar Milan, and how many of us can say that?)
I am going thru this agony, getting ready to rehome my best dog. He's a wonderful sweet submissive red and white boston terrier, about a year old. He's housebroken and doesn't even bark at passerbys. He is a total snuggle bunny and is great with other dogs. I just took on too much. I cannot manage 3 dogs. My 2 older dogs -- a boxer and a blk & white boston -- are actually more difficult dogs b/c they carry on when people walk by the house and the boxer often attacks my older boston (redirected aggression) when overexcited. However, the 2 bostons play roughly much of the day and the constantly squeals -- along with the boxer barking and trying to get involved -- has me in a high state of anxiety almost all the time. Sometimes the wild play turns into a 3-dog fight and I have been hurt a couple of times breaking it up. The puppy was also badly bitten in one of the tussles a while back. Its also difficult for me to walk all 3 of them together. This is just breaking my heart b/c I just love this little guy so much. But I love them all and the little guy is most adoptable. I am in absolute agony over this, but the anxiety is starting to effect my emotional and physical health.
Previous poster cannot continue in a situation where she/he and the dogs are getting hurt. It does sound like the Boston Terrier guy is most adoptable, a proper age and no behavioral problems. A rescue group? Giving him another chance somewhere else is an act of real love and caring.
I sent a dog back to Best Friends (after a lot of work with her feral shyness) when she tried too many times to really hurt my smaller senior (and did almost kill him). I felt so responsible to the senior because I should have sent Chippy back the second time she attacked him. I apologized to him every day (and Chippy is fine at Best Friends and very bonded with her caretaker).
Recently I posted about having to euthanize an older Shepherd mix who I had for a little over a year. She hurt my smaller female twice (although I thought the smaller one was starting the fights) and then went after my smaller male, minding his own business. When I broke it up, she slashed my ankle open- a three-inch cut through the muscle. I missed six weeks of work and had daily IV antibiotics for a month.
I had to have her put down. I was glad I got hurt rather than the little guy (I think his bandana saved him) and I loved Nayla but she just couldn't live in my household without hurting the smaller two and then me.
Maybe older people would be a good match for the quiet Boston Terrier? I know he's young, but he sounds peaceful, and a lot of older people live in situations where their dog's size is limited. I'm sure he'd be a loving addition to the right household.
I know that doesn't mean you love him less, but you can't keep on with your own health being compromised and his safety in question. Imagine how you'd feel if he was seriously injured or worse (as I watched Kona unconscious, bleeding out from his femoral artery tear- three days in the hospital at age 12, and my fault for not sending Chippy back sooner. And I loved Chippy. But I apologized to Kona every day for the rest of his life).
Thoughts with you.
Well, so my husband made the mistake yesterday of looking at the rescue organization's web site and list of dogs available. Our dog is there accompanied by a diatribe regarding how "neglectful" the previous owners (Us!) were and so on and so forth. They then state that the new foster parents have seen "none" of the behavioral issues that we discussed with them and how things are just hunky-dory. I'm so angry and actually hurt by this. I know that they don't know us and our situation, but it just feels like they immediately jumped to the conclusion that we are evil, neglectful owners and horrible people. I know I shouldn't care what someone who doesn't know me and has not been in my home to actually witness the behavior thinks, but I'm hurt nonetheless. Even just a tiny attempt to dig deeper and understand our situation would be nice. I know that these people are doing great things for the dogs, but they've got to understand that sometimes the match just is not right and that doesn't mean the owner did something wrong! Grrr....just made a hard situation even that much more unpleasant adversarial.
Well, so my husband made the mistake yesterday of looking at the rescue organization's web site and list of dogs available. Our dog is there accompanied by a diatribe regarding how "neglectful" the previous owners (Us!) were and so on and so forth. They then state that the new foster parents have seen "none" of the behavioral issues that we discussed with them and how things are just hunky-dory. I'm so angry and actually hurt by this. I know that they don't know us and our situation, but it just feels like they immediately jumped to the conclusion that we are evil, neglectful owners and horrible people. I know I shouldn't care what someone who doesn't know me and has not been in my home to actually witness the behavior thinks, but I'm hurt nonetheless. Even just a tiny attempt to dig deeper and understand our situation would be nice. I know that these people are doing great things for the dogs, but they've got to understand that sometimes the match just is not right and that doesn't mean the owner did something wrong! Grrr....just made a hard situation even that much more unpleasant adversarial.
CMMom - I understand that it was very hard for you to give up your dog. Please understand though that rescue people (including me) believe its not about you or me "its for and about the dogs"! In rescue its good practice to document and watch for signs of any bad behavours reported from previous homes. However, we are always joyous when we can report that we have seen no signs of that bad behavour! I have no doubt everything you told them was true. Its good news that in a different home the dog is acting differently! That increases so much the chance for them to find a forever home. Don't be upset for you, be happy for the dog you loved.
I am a volunteer with a rescue group -- and as you are aware from my post in this thread am also dealing with rehoming a sweet boston who is/was a foster failure (a foster dog I adopted). The bashing of prior owners has been something have objected to in cases where the dog is utd, at a good body weight, and has been well taken care of. It -- bashing -- happens a lot and it has turned me off to some aspects of dog rescue. BTW, my adult son and his family as test driving my sweet puppy as of yesterday since I fell walking the dogs and sprained my wrist. I miss him so much but my house is peaceful....
Location: Montreal -> CT -> MA -> Montreal -> Ottawa
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Originally Posted by CMMom
Well, so my husband made the mistake yesterday of looking at the rescue organization's web site and list of dogs available. Our dog is there accompanied by a diatribe regarding how "neglectful" the previous owners (Us!) were and so on and so forth. They then state that the new foster parents have seen "none" of the behavioral issues that we discussed with them and how things are just hunky-dory. I'm so angry and actually hurt by this. I know that they don't know us and our situation, but it just feels like they immediately jumped to the conclusion that we are evil, neglectful owners and horrible people. I know I shouldn't care what someone who doesn't know me and has not been in my home to actually witness the behavior thinks, but I'm hurt nonetheless. Even just a tiny attempt to dig deeper and understand our situation would be nice. I know that these people are doing great things for the dogs, but they've got to understand that sometimes the match just is not right and that doesn't mean the owner did something wrong! Grrr....just made a hard situation even that much more unpleasant adversarial.
Oh geez! I guess making you look bad makes the dog look better, at least to the rescue... and I assume they hope to the next prospective owner.
Point is, though, that YOU know better. YOU know that you tried. YOU know that you did nothing wrong.
Hold your head up with that knowledge, and don't let them get to you.
Do not beat yourself up, it's totally possible for the dog not to exhibit any of the behaviors in the new foster home. I was once a foster home and I took on what was supposed to be a 9 year old mess of a dog, turns out he was PERFECT with us.
Shortly after having him he was adopted out for 2 weeks but returned for the "bad behavior" none of which we EVER saw. His next and final home saw some of the behaviors but they were able to deal with them. I talked in depth with the family and was very honest that in the year, yes the YEAR ,I had him as a foster I promise he never did anything like he did in his other homes or was doing with them. Had they returned him I would have kept him, luckily things worked out he went on to live 2 more happy years with that family before passing away.
Bottom line, there was nothing wrong with you guys you didn't do anything wrong, he just wasn't the right fit and that is OK.
I had answered an add about a Beagle Shepard mix he was about 9 months old or so when my husband decided to get him. HE was so cute, but the previous owner never told us about his problems. She said she couldn't keep him because there was not enough room in her town house for him. I agree with her there, but what she didn't tell us was that he was afraid of everything including his own shadow. At that point I had a 7 month old daughter and was pregnant for our second. We tried to work with him for months, but sadly to no avail. His fear became worse to the point he started to fear bite. I was so scared for my daughter as well as for our safety that I had to call the animal control to come and get him. I wept as did my mother when it came time for him to go, we explained his situation to the officer and away he went. That was almost 3 years ago and to this day I feel sadness looking back on what I had to do to bear (the name he came with was Whiskey but I changed it).
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