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So I am posting this here because I would like the opinion of animal lovers rather than over protective parents.
We have a very well trained small dog and people often ask if our dog is safe with our baby.... which she is. I am not generally paranoid about animals around the baby.
That said, I had a disagreement last week with a friend over her dog and I'd like some unbiased opinions. I'd be particularly grateful for opinions from those who either have kids themselves or are familiar with kids.
My friend is an older woman and the dog is a big beautiful labradoodle. He is a nice dog - no mean streak at all. She also had a trainer come when he was a puppy and I consider him to be a reasonably well trained dog.
HOWEVER, in my inexpert opinion the dog lacks discipline. She walks him off leash in the city and he constantly runs up to other dogs and people. Now he is not being viscous or nasty, but it DOES scare people. People look terrified as he bounds up to them and other dog owners regularly comment that their dog isn't friendly and can she keep him away, that there are leash laws, etc. She refuses to acknowledge that anyone is scared and refuses to put him on the leash "because he is miserable on the leash".
He also often humps my friend. She thinks it means that he doesn't want her to leave. I think it means that he is showing dominance and considers himself to be pack leader.
The problem is that my friend has a bad back and likes to play with our infant on her living room floor. She allows the dog to run around all over the place and he has come within an inch of standing on our baby multiple times.
On Thursday I thought I saw him actually stand on her and told her. She freaked out and told me I was wrong. I got annoyed and said I wasn't wrong and picked up the baby.... whereupon she freaked out that I was taking the baby away from her.
I am sorry that I hurt her feelings - she has no kids and the dog is her baby. She LOVES him. But ultimately I have an issue with the dog on a number of levels. Her whole life revolves around him so he is always with her - in stores and our house, etc. I could live with it before, but now we have a tiny baby I am just not comfortable with the dog being allowed to bounce all over our infant.
If he comes to our house I won't be able to leave the baby on the floor because the dog will be all over her. I don't understand why he can't just sit or lie down while she is on the floor, but apparently not.
So did I over react? Should I trust her to make sure the dog doesn't inadvertently hurt our baby, or am I right to step in and say that it's not ok?
I am sorry to have upset her, but had she acknowledged the incident I would have felt more comfortable. The fact that she refused to acknowledge that it was a problem made me feel like she was not in control of the situation and would not be taking steps to ensure it doesn't happen again. I am also concerned about what would happen if the baby grabs a handful of hair and pulls. He is not vicious, but given that he considers himself pack leader (or I think he does), I am concerned that he may discipline the baby. He's a big dog and it just scares me.
Thoughts? She is so sensitive about the dog and gets very defensive if I say anything. She's sent me a very upset text that she feels that we can no longer be as close because she's worried she's getting attached to the baby and I could take her away at any moment (this has happened to her before).
The fact is that it is your house and your baby. She should respect that and leave her dog at home if she cannot or will not control it. You have every right to protect your baby. if she cannot abide by your rules at your home then it is her loss not yours.
Location: Montreal -> CT -> MA -> Montreal -> Ottawa
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Your infant is a fraction of the size of a Labradoodle. All dogs, no matter how well-trained, are still dogs. While the dog is your friend's "baby," your baby is your baby. I can go on and on and on and on and on, but the bottom line, in my opinion, is that you're in the right.
As a parent and a dog owner, I think you did the right thing. Overly rambunctious happy go lucky dogs with no manners can hurt infants, especially because people tend to let their guard down when the dog "doesn't have a mean bone in his body". If it were me and this woman can't understand that, then I wouldn't bring baby over until she is a bit older. Actually, I would probably distance myself from the friendship completely because it's just weird that your friend got upset that you picked up your own baby and is worried that you could "take her away from her at any moment". That's setting off warning bells in my head.
Dogs should be on leashes in public to protect themselves and others. Our dog was very friendly with people and other dogs. However, he was also very protective of us. One day while walking our dog on the beach, on a leash, an unleashed dog ran up to us. Our dog felt that he was threatening us and lunged at him. My husband, who has a bad back, was jerked hard and dropped the leash. Our dog took off after the other dog. At that point, the other dog was no longer seen as a threat and just played with him. No matter how disciplined you think your dog is, you do not know how another dog will react. People must keep their dogs leashed in public.
And as for your baby, your preferences rule . . . period. And I am not a parent.
It's not OK. However friendly the dog is to your baby, something like him accidentally stepping on the baby could have bad consequences. And your friend obviously is very unrealistic about her dog's behavior and the possible results. The off leash thing has been discussed here often. It's totally out of line to let your dog rush up at strange people and dogs. I hope this dog never rushes up to the wrong dog and suffers the consequences of that. It's a shame that your friendship may be ruined by this but your baby's safety comes first. I'm sure she's well meaning but allowing it to do anything it wants isn't good for the dog or anyone else.
why can't you take control in your own house? If she insists on bringing the dog to your house next time, then YOU barricade the dog somewhere using a baby gate. Friend doesn't like it, too bad. She can go home. Tell her that's your rule. If the dog comes, dog gets restrained in some way.
And when you go visit, don't take the baby with you.
I agree with everyone on this one. It does sound like your friend and some other issues going on. I imagine that if you look closer at your relationship, there are similar things going on that you have let go in the name of friendship.
The fact is that there is a real safety issue when it comes to pets and children. I don't think you can ever ignore the fact that pets are animals and children lack adult judgement so the two have to be supervised...period. A dog of any size can injure a child of any size without malice - it does not make the danger any less.
The other part of this situation is that you as a parent get to decide what is 'safe' for your child, in or outside your home. You should not feel as though you need to defend your beliefs. I do not have children but have always had pets and I respect everyone's tolerance of them.
It does sound as though , while your friend may be very attached to her dog, she is not being the most responsible dog owner. Not controlling her dog in public is putting herself, her dog as well as the public at risk. Even though she reacted in anger over your comments, perhaps she took them too personally and with time will be able to see the rational behind your concerns.
Last edited by talloolla; 12-19-2012 at 10:00 AM..
Reason: typo
You're right. With very, very, very few exceptions you really can't guarantee safety of a baby around a dog and even if the dog is perfect (and her dog doesn't sound perfect) it's still your kid and your decision.
My dog is great with my niece (who's a year) but I still watch the two of the very carefully when they are together, and if I can't watch very carefully my dog is not near the baby. My dog could get excited and play a little too rough or the baby could grab him in the wrong way and he could react. It only take an instant. I'm not sure how old your baby is, but at 1 my niece doesn't understand things like not to poke my dog in the eye.
Your friend sounds like the type of person who would say "Well, the baby scared my dog" if the dog where to bite your child. I wouldn't let your baby around the dog. I also think there is a big difference between a dog who has been with a baby since day 1 and a dog that sees babies once in a while. You are able to constantly reinforce training with your dog as to how to act around the baby.
The argument happened in her house if tht makes a difference.
I guess the point really isn't whether he actually stepped on her or not, it's that he was obviously so close to her that I thought he could have.... and I can't allow that.
Perhaps I haven't been as on top of this as I need to be for fear of hurting feelings. I am a very new parent and I need to remember that I am my baby's only advocate. I just don't want to be one of those crazy over protective parents.
I do feel bad for my friend though - she just loves the baby and I know would NEVER intentionally allow anything to happen to her, but then she really needs to take the dog in hand more. She considers him exceptionally well trained, but.....
Am I right about the humping being dominance?
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