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To the OP- I would just like to commend you. Being a parent is so tough. I bet you never thought in a million years you'd be in this position. You were thinking about crawling, walking, graduation day, etc. , right? See that's the thing: Kids make issues crop up that weren't previously there. But you handled it so nicely and it seems like you're going to continue to do this. God gave you a gut instinct and you have to always listen to it. Especially regarding your daughter. Life is going to throw a million more of these scenarios at you, but at the end of the day, if you just protect your kid(s), you will always be able to sleep at night. I always err on the side of protecting my kids, every single time. It has lost me family and friends, but I rest easy. Take care, my friend.
I just want to come back on and say thanks again to everyone who responded.
I have not contacted my friend. If she contacts me then I am going to approach the issue by saying that the incident prompted me to do some more research and that I discovered I have not been taking proper measures with either of our dogs and that from now on neither her dog nor ours is allowed within fur grabbing range of the baby until she's older, and that unless the dogs can sit or lie down quietly at a distance, the baby cannot be on the floor in the same room as a large dog. No dog (no matter what size) is allowed to jump on the sofa if the baby is on it.
If she can't deal with that, then it is what it is.
I have gone through agonies of guilt already over having allowed it to get as far as it did and am actually now grateful for the argument as I would have continued to say nothing out of politeness and who knows what could have happened. Pushing him away when he's almost on top of her is unacceptable, and if he can't sit or lie down quietly with the baby on the floor then he either can't be in the room or the baby can't be. End of story.
Thanks again to everyone who took the time to respond.
I just want to come back on and say thanks again to everyone who responded.
I have not contacted my friend. If she contacts me then I am going to approach the issue by saying that the incident prompted me to do some more research and that I discovered I have not been taking proper measures with either of our dogs and that from now on neither her dog nor ours is allowed within fur grabbing range of the baby until she's older, and that unless the dogs can sit or lie down quietly at a distance, the baby cannot be on the floor in the same room as a large dog. No dog (no matter what size) is allowed to jump on the sofa if the baby is on it.
If she can't deal with that, then it is what it is.
I have gone through agonies of guilt already over having allowed it to get as far as it did and am actually now grateful for the argument as I would have continued to say nothing out of politeness and who knows what could have happened. Pushing him away when he's almost on top of her is unacceptable, and if he can't sit or lie down quietly with the baby on the floor then he either can't be in the room or the baby can't be. End of story.
Thanks again to everyone who took the time to respond.
Good for you for coming to a sound decision that you are comfortable with. Setting boundaries for yourself or others gets easier with practice. Just as you are happy this forced you to set some limits, perhaps it will maje your friend rethink her own decisions and start to practice safer behaviors for herself and her dog.
If he comes to our house I won't be able to leave the baby on the floor because the dog will be all over her. I don't understand why he can't just sit or lie down while she is on the floor, but apparently not.
I don't see what the problem is.
When the dog comes to visit, don't put your baby on the floor.
If you're at her house, don't put your baby on the floor.
When the dog comes to visit, don't put your baby on the floor.
If you're at her house, don't put your baby on the floor.
It's as simple as that.
For the record, I'm a mother and a dog owner.
She wrote that the friend has a bad back and wanted the child on the floor, and got upset with her when she wanted to pick the baby up. The sofa is apparently not a safe zone from the dog either. Hope that was an accurate recounting.
She wrote that the friend has a bad back and wanted the child on the floor, and got upset with her when she wanted to pick the baby up. The sofa is apparently not a safe zone from the dog either. Hope that was an accurate recounting.
Exactly. The friend is is in her late 60s with a bad back (several surgeries), and the baby is in the 98th percentile for weight so my friend can't really pick her up.
She will lie on the floor with her and sing to her and play - they both love it.
The problem is that the dog gets jealous and comes over to see what his Mom is doing... and gets far too close to the baby in the process.
He also jumps up on the sofa when the baby is there. I keep her in the stroller as much as I can, but it can't be all the time.
She won't come to ours without the dog. We're about an hour out of the city now and she won't leave him long enough to come here for the day. She just brings him and we had issues about that pre baby as she insisted on bringing him here while we were under construction at the house and it REALLY wasn't safe for a big boisterous dog (holes in the floor/ tools/ construction debris). Our own dog had to be managed very carefully.
The problem is she can't put him in another room or leave him in the fenced back yard because he just barks his head off hysterically the whole time. He's just a really high maintenance dog. It affects everything - from which stores we can go in to where we can eat lunch although in a pinch she'll leave him in the car while we eat but then it's a huge rush to eat, etc, etc.
The issues with the dog have been going on for a long time. It's just come to a head now.
Last edited by Hobokenkitchen; 12-24-2012 at 06:32 AM..
Thoughts? She is so sensitive about the dog and gets very defensive if I say anything. She's sent me a very upset text that she feels that we can no longer be as close because she's worried she's getting attached to the baby and I could take her away at any moment (this has happened to her before).
I would agree with her! Distance yourself from her. With her being so self centered, how can she be a true friend? She sounds wackie to me.
As a parent and a dog owner, I think you did the right thing. Overly rambunctious happy go lucky dogs with no manners can hurt infants, especially because people tend to let their guard down when the dog "doesn't have a mean bone in his body". If it were me and this woman can't understand that, then I wouldn't bring baby over until she is a bit older. Actually, I would probably distance myself from the friendship completely because it's just weird that your friend got upset that you picked up your own baby and is worried that you could "take her away from her at any moment". That's setting off warning bells in my head.
This!
I have three dogs. Two dachshunds and a lab. My own children are use to the dogs, but I crate them around other people's children.
The fact that the dog is jealous of the attention "her person" is showing to your baby is a BIG RED FLAG. My French bulldog is very jealous when I pay attention to my mom's pug. She will try to block her. She isn't snapping or growling, but I recognize it's a problem that needs to be addressed which I'll be working on with my trainer. Velcro dogs are great companions for single retired or disabled people, but it can be problematic in situations like visiting grandkids, etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen
Exactly. The friend is is in her late 60s with a bad back (several surgeries), and the baby is in the 98th percentile for weight so my friend can't really pick her up.
She will lie on the floor with her and sing to her and play - they both love it.
The problem is that the dog gets jealous and comes over to see what his Mom is doing... and gets far too close to the baby in the process.
He also jumps up on the sofa when the baby is there. I keep her in the stroller as much as I can, but it can't be all the time.
She won't come to ours without the dog. We're about an hour out of the city now and she won't leave him long enough to come here for the day. She just brings him and we had issues about that pre baby as she insisted on bringing him here while we were under construction at the house and it REALLY wasn't safe for a big boisterous dog (holes in the floor/ tools/ construction debris). Our own dog had to be managed very carefully.
The problem is she can't put him in another room or leave him in the fenced back yard because he just barks his head off hysterically the whole time. He's just a really high maintenance dog. It affects everything - from which stores we can go in to where we can eat lunch although in a pinch she'll leave him in the car while we eat but then it's a huge rush to eat, etc, etc.
The issues with the dog have been going on for a long time. It's just come to a head now.
Well she's still upset.
I got an email saying that she is "hurt to the core".
That I added insult to injury by not believing her when she said the dog didn't step on the baby and then "sweeping the baby away".
She said that she knows I am never comfortable around the dog but That should not affect my knowledge that she would never put the baby in danger and that she is extremely and very hurt that I am suggesting she has poor judgement.
I apologized for hurting her as it was never my intention and suggested we meet to discuss it in person.
Her response to that was "Thank you, I need time to think and feel better."
Basically we clearly still have a major problem. She seems unable to put herself in my shoes at all and her last response indicates that she considers the whole thing my fault and she needs to cool off before she forgives me. Or am I reading that wrong?
Ultimately I am willing to try and talk to her about it in person and I am very sad that she is so hurt and upset as that was absolutely not my intention.
But how do I make clear to her that the situation is dangerous and unacceptable? Do I bring up the humping as dominance issue? Or just stick to the risk of the baby and the dog being on the floor/ sofa at the same time?
We were at her house very briefly last week picking up a few things. She asked the dog to sit (which he did) and go down (which he kind of did - hovering), and to stay - which he didn't do at all. So I think having him stay in a corner while the baby is there is not an option unless she does some serious training with him first.
We were only there 5 minutes and nothing was discussed. She just cooed over the baby and it was awkward as hell. She DID try and get the dog to leave us alone (which he wouldn't) and ended up putting him in another room for the few minutes we were there.
Given her email to me though I imagine any suggestion that her dog may need further training is likely to be met with hostility as she thinks I don't like the dog. She considers him amazingly well trained - she often compare him to our dog in how well trained he is. This is really not a fair comparison as if I told our dog to go down and stay, she would. If she didn't I would address it until she did.
Any suggestions on how to approach this gently? I am not looking to upset and hurt my friend further, but do need to get my point across and am worried that's going to be very tough while she's playing the victim and wrapped up in her hurt feelings over my responses.
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