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All that matters is that the dog is large in comparison to the baby, not in comparison to other dogs. She sounds like a very strange bird.
Yes I suppose it is. It's just so weird that she would say he is a medium size dog on the small side of medium. As I said relative to a Great Dane he's medium size, but he's pretty much the same size as my friend. My husband laughed when he heard that.
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Originally Posted by steelstress
Wow... what a twit. The proverbial "size doesn't matter." What do you think her reaction would be to your baby if her dog was a tiny chihuahua?
This is a good point. Tempting to say "I wonder if you would feel the same way about size if Dog were the tinyest toy chihuahua and baby was crawling after him and grabbing at him? Would the fact that baby is much bigger matter when it was your dog who needed protecting?"
But really I would be beating a dead horse. If she's being THIS delusional and lacking in common sense then what can you do? No wonder her husband's children distanced themselves and her step grandson from her! Ugh, the mean spirited side of me kind of feels like saying that too, but never would.
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Originally Posted by cat_link
Her loss, friends like you don't come around that often!
You know until I sent the email I would have felt like maybe she just hasn't understood where I was coming from and I hadn't had the chance to explain. But I really did my best to convey my fears in that email without blame. Had you guys look at it. Even had my Mother (who has met her) look at it.
If she cannot get it, or worse gets it and still needs to be right then you are right. Her loss.
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Originally Posted by Litlove71
The comment, "Keep it is as a memento." was really, really rude btw.
Mailing it back is a good idea.
Oh I was already going to mail it back and I agree it was really rude. I think when it comes to the dog she just doesn't see clearly. I kind of get it, but it does no one any favors in the long run.
Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has commented in this thread. If it hadn't been for all your support and validation that I wasn't being crazy to be concerned I would probably be really second guessing my handling of the situation right now. As it is I feel like I did my best under difficult circumstances and can walk away knowing that.
My mean spirited desire to respond to her email will hopefully disapate over the next few days.
No wonder her husband's children distanced themselves and her step grandson from her! Ugh, the mean spirited side of me kind of feels like saying that too, but never would.
You're not alone. I'm sure the thought crossed all of our minds. It did mine.
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Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen
Her loss.
It truly is. You're a sweet person. It's clear you cared very much about her.
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Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen
Oh I was already going to mail it back and I agree it was really rude.
Definitely mail the key back. Without a note. Just the key.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen
My mean spirited desire to respond to her email will hopefully disapate over the next few days.
Don't do it. If you email her again, she'll get great pleasure from it. It doesn't matter if you kiss or kick her ass. She'll be happy you're upset.
I have said for years. Single people befriend singles, married couples befriend couples, parents befriend parents.
It is hard for the parents to be friends with non parents. The activities will always revolve around the children. Couples do couple activities.,,,
I might would unfriend her on facebook if she is commenting on your photos. Or maybe limit her access to parts of your facebook.
I've got to say, my thought even from your initial posts is that she's a bonafide whackadoodle... And I think people indulging in her eccentricities aren't doing her any favors. I didn't think you wanted to hear either of these things before.
One of the great things about being a member of an illness specific support group (in person or online) is that others can legitimately call you out when you start losing perspective of "normal" behavior. An even better option is to see a mental health professional.
You responding won't help either of you. Unless you are aware of anything she's doing that would cause her to endanger herself, then you just need to let it go.
I think she wanted you to keep the key, so she could rekindle things later on if she felt like it. Or call you up if she locked herself out...
I have said for years. Single people befriend singles, married couples befriend couples, parents befriend parents.
It is hard for the parents to be friends with non parents. The activities will always revolve around the children. Couples do couple activities...
That's not my life. My husband and I probably only spend 30% of our time socializing as a couple with couples. We both have separate activities, interests and friends that are single, married, childless, etc. Of course, neither of us would devote much time to someone who disregarded our lives because we surround ourselves with people who respect us.
Younger people often make the mistake of only associating with people of similar marital status, etc. The problem with that mindset is that friends' lives change throughout the years. I'm not going to suddenly end a friendship because of that. I don't want a life that doesn't have room for people simply because their marital status changed. If someone has a child and the child dies, do you stop being friends because they no longer have children? What about dear friends who tried to have children but couldn't? What about couple friends who get divorced? Or single friends who never married? Those are rhetorical questions.
Oh I was already going to mail it back and I agree it was really rude. I think when it comes to the dog she just doesn't see clearly. I kind of get it, but it does no one any favors in the long run.
About the memento... tell her no thanks, I only keep mementos of sentimental value.
Whew, I just read this thread from beginning to end. Not to be flippant, but who'd of thought there'd be so much entertainment from not wanting a dog near a baby (aka common sense).
Anyway to add my 2cents, I think you've just found yourself dancing to the tune of a master narcissist. You CANNOT win with this personality type, do yourself an emotional favor and disengage now. These folks will never admit error.
And sweetie, time to toughen up. You are Mom now, which means you've got pee on someones cheerios is it means doing what's best for your child. I too entered this parenting thing with the "how may I please you and keep you happy" demeanor. I had to loose it and in the process gained more respect for myself. I had to stop being so diplomatic and just say "these are the rules for my child, like it or lump it". I've found most people respect that and are willing to work with it.
So I am posting this here because I would like the opinion of animal lovers rather than over protective parents.
We have a very well trained small dog and people often ask if our dog is safe with our baby.... which she is. I am not generally paranoid about animals around the baby.
That said, I had a disagreement last week with a friend over her dog and I'd like some unbiased opinions. I'd be particularly grateful for opinions from those who either have kids themselves or are familiar with kids.
My friend is an older woman and the dog is a big beautiful labradoodle. He is a nice dog - no mean streak at all. She also had a trainer come when he was a puppy and I consider him to be a reasonably well trained dog.
HOWEVER, in my inexpert opinion the dog lacks discipline. She walks him off leash in the city and he constantly runs up to other dogs and people. Now he is not being viscous or nasty, but it DOES scare people. People look terrified as he bounds up to them and other dog owners regularly comment that their dog isn't friendly and can she keep him away, that there are leash laws, etc. She refuses to acknowledge that anyone is scared and refuses to put him on the leash "because he is miserable on the leash".
He also often humps my friend. She thinks it means that he doesn't want her to leave. I think it means that he is showing dominance and considers himself to be pack leader.
The problem is that my friend has a bad back and likes to play with our infant on her living room floor. She allows the dog to run around all over the place and he has come within an inch of standing on our baby multiple times.
On Thursday I thought I saw him actually stand on her and told her. She freaked out and told me I was wrong. I got annoyed and said I wasn't wrong and picked up the baby.... whereupon she freaked out that I was taking the baby away from her.
I am sorry that I hurt her feelings - she has no kids and the dog is her baby. She LOVES him. But ultimately I have an issue with the dog on a number of levels. Her whole life revolves around him so he is always with her - in stores and our house, etc. I could live with it before, but now we have a tiny baby I am just not comfortable with the dog being allowed to bounce all over our infant.
If he comes to our house I won't be able to leave the baby on the floor because the dog will be all over her. I don't understand why he can't just sit or lie down while she is on the floor, but apparently not.
So did I over react? Should I trust her to make sure the dog doesn't inadvertently hurt our baby, or am I right to step in and say that it's not ok?
I am sorry to have upset her, but had she acknowledged the incident I would have felt more comfortable. The fact that she refused to acknowledge that it was a problem made me feel like she was not in control of the situation and would not be taking steps to ensure it doesn't happen again. I am also concerned about what would happen if the baby grabs a handful of hair and pulls. He is not vicious, but given that he considers himself pack leader (or I think he does), I am concerned that he may discipline the baby. He's a big dog and it just scares me.
Thoughts? She is so sensitive about the dog and gets very defensive if I say anything. She's sent me a very upset text that she feels that we can no longer be as close because she's worried she's getting attached to the baby and I could take her away at any moment (this has happened to her before).
i agree with post #2. Keep that dog away from that baby. Children are too precious to take a chance. Dog around a strange baby can be a disaster.
She doesn't care about your viewpoint. Keep your baby away from her
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