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Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry that you had to endure that. All of that. Oh my gosh. I have no words. Shivers and goosebumps and tears? I've got those. But I've got no more words than "I'm so very sorry."
It was my job, Dawn. I was ordered by the court to do it. And, yes, it was horrible, just horrible. So was the death of the child.
I hope I didn't come across as insensitive to the OP.
Oh my goodness. What a terribly sad and cautionary tale.
OP, I think your friend needs your love and acceptance badly, and I would reassure her that although you cannot let her dog play on the floor with your baby, you do not mean to prevent her from developing a relationship with your child. I suspect she'll throw a fit in the short term but will come around eventually.
Your friend sounds as if she has been badly hurt and is fragile. I'm sure the holidays are hard for her. Of course, endangering your baby isn't the solution, and wouldn't fix her problems, anyway. What a tough situation.
Location: Montreal -> CT -> MA -> Montreal -> Ottawa
17,330 posts, read 33,169,690 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by second right
It was my job, Dawn. I was ordered by the court to do it. And, yes, it was horrible, just horrible. So was the death of the child.
I hope I didn't come across as insensitive to the OP.
The whole thing sounds horrible, from start to finish, and everything in between. My God.
I don't think the story could be construed as insensitive at all. It happened. We should all know that. Terrible things happen. We like to think that they won't happen to "us" ... but they do.
As the previous poster said, it's a terribly sad and cautionary tale. Cautionary is the key word here.
Oh my goodness. What a terribly sad and cautionary tale.
OP, I think your friend needs your love and acceptance badly, and I would reassure her that although you cannot let her dog play on the floor with your baby, you do not mean to prevent her from developing a relationship with your child. I suspect she'll throw a fit in the short term but will come around eventually.
Your friend sounds as if she has been badly hurt and is fragile. I'm sure the holidays are hard for her. Of course, endangering your baby isn't the solution, and wouldn't fix her problems, anyway. What a tough situation.
Great points, forum. Sleep for me is never easy because I relive sooo many heartaches. The one I shared is one of them.
The whole thing sounds horrible, from start to finish, and everything in between. My God.
I don't think the story could be construed as insensitive at all. It happened. We should all know that. Terrible things happen. We like to think that they won't happen to "us" ... but they do.
As the previous poster said, it's a terribly sad and cautionary tale. Cautionary is the key word here.
Yes, Dawn, you are so right. Pain runs deep for me and this particular situation brought me to my knees, literally. He was just a loving, goofy dog and in the end, I had to kill him.
I agree with all the posts confirming that you are not overreacting. No matter how gentle the dog, it is still a dog and can hurt the baby with their playful rambunctiousness. Add to that an undisciplined dog and it makes matters worse. Your job is to protect your completely defenseless baby. That trumps friend's hurt feelings. Plus, you shouldn't feel to bad, you tried to talk rationally with your friend. She just won't listen.
Also, please keep on your friend about leashing her dog. I HATE unleashed dogs. I had an Akita for 12 years. He loved people, but hated other animals. He was ALWAYS leashed in unconfined areas. No one wants a strange dog running up to them, or their pets. All the fights he was in was because of a random dog jumping on him while he was on a leash. Could have been completely avoided had their dogs been leashed. Some of the owners were even surprised at their gentle dog starting a fight.
Location: Montreal -> CT -> MA -> Montreal -> Ottawa
17,330 posts, read 33,169,690 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by second right
Yes, Dawn, you are so right. Pain runs deep for me and this particular situation brought me to my knees, literally. He was just a loving, goofy dog and in the end, I had to kill him.
I'm crying again... with you. Be gentle with yourself, sweetie. You did what you had to do -- what you were told to do. It's heartbreaking and my heart hurts right along with yours. Granted, I'm just hearing the story and you had to be part of the story, but I feel your pain, I really do. There are some things in our lives that we never, ever forget. This will likely be one of them. But, please, if you're harboring any guilt, let it go. It wasn't a choice you were allowed to make. I could keep going here but I'm crying so hard and, besides, you know what I'm trying to say. Forgive yourself. xoxoxo
I love my dog.
And I love my baby.
And your friend is a whack job.
Listen, if having her dog with her 100% of the time or getting to hold your baby on HER terms is more important to her than your friendship, then she's right. It's time to not be as close as you thought you were. Because she's being ENTIRELY unreasonable.
My collie that just passed was the most gentle, quiet, loving dog towards little children and infants. She would gingerly mince around them and sit close to them without invading their space. One time she wouldn't go outside with my friend because she thought she had to stay inside and guard her baby (a baby she'd never even met before). Children have hit her, fallen on her, grabbed her face, pulled her, etc...and she has no so much as flinched.
HOWEVER, I would NEVER insist to anyone that my dog MUST be around their kids or MUST be allowed to play with them or 'we just can't be friends.' I mean, seriously?
Tell her she's welcome to visit, but her dog stays home. No discussion, no compromise. A real friend who loves your baby will agree.
The coworker that's child was severely injured by her parents dog had been around him from the time he was born and had shown no aggressive traits prior to the mauling. Are odds high that your friends dog will hurt your child? Probably not, but there is a chance. Dogs that are undisciplined are more unpredictable...
The reason I responded to the leash issue, is because it is very telling about what she values. Her and the dogs preference, over following the law, and the public's safety/comfort at large.
I went to a dog friendly resteraunt that had many owners with their dogs out on the patio. Half way through our expensive meal, a family of four sat with their two large dogs, that while on leash, they let explore at full length. The dogs jumped on our chairs and table several times until I finally snapped and said something. We left immediately after. They weren't mean dogs, but it was incredibly intrusive. This sounds like the kind of dog owner your friend is.
Your friend cares more about the whims of her dog, than the potential safety of your child. You and your child should be able to have a relationship with her that doesn't include the dog. You're clearly a good friend, and you're asking for very little from her.
No, No, No...You are not wrong. She is. You did what you should have done that day. And, honestly, you should have cut her off sooner. She imo sounds unstable.
Your child is vulnerable. I would not allow a tromping dog, no matter how much you think they are sweet etc....to tromp around a baby. Dogs do not reason like people...They cannot predict that their actions even if accidental can cause harm. The owner is irresponsible, you've seen it by her own actions w/ the off leash bs, knowing this you have to just stay away from this individual.
If you decide to allow her access to your child, her dog stays at her home. Period.
If it were me, I'd be done. Her non-caring reaction to what you thought shows that she does not place the child first.
Dogs test...that's is their nature. We as owners have to show them the boundaries, and we have to be in charge.
I have a wonderful, very sweet 4 year old bulldog. This summer my Daughter came w/ my three Grand kids, 17, 15, 9. Now the kids adore Bella, and played and had a blast the first day.
But, the next day Bella started pacing around in the yard after my youngest grandson, sort of bossing him around....I saw it for what it was, she was trying to dominate him.
Now, I jumped up immediately...Told my dog to stop. Made my grandson put Bella through her paces, sit, paw, lie down, bla, bla...made him go w/ me into the house and feed her...all the things that I thought would show her she is still bottom of the pack....it worked, she never did that to him again. But, your baby is much too small, and vulnerable to try to instill anything in this dog that might stick, with an owner that is out of her league and careless w/ her dog's behaviors. Your chid depends upon you to protect and care for it....You are doing that....continue....
Last edited by JanND; 12-20-2012 at 06:44 PM..
Reason: edit text
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I'm so sorry that you had to endure that. All of that. Oh my gosh. I have no words. Shivers and goosebumps and tears? I've got those. But I've got no more words than "I'm so very sorry."
