Feeling overwhelmed by my dog

[TKO]

I'll never have a single dog again. After some serious health issues had me realize that I wasn't going to be able to run my Brittany like I had and like she needs (temporarily) I got a little male terrier mix as an addition to our pack and the neurotic behavior she displayed when cooped up too long disappeared. When I can't take them for serious exercise they romp with each other in the back yard. It's hardly more trouble having two vs. one. Best thing I ever did for her and me (and the little guy who came from a rescue). It's also great for when they have to spend time at home without me. They don't like being alone.

[Icemodeled]

Sounds like a dog park where she can really run off leash would be best for her. Our dog has always been the opposite, very laid back lazy and content. He doesn't even seem to like walks! So, I cannot give any good advice on trying to get her to be a bit more calm.

I really think with the move and new surroundings that it's still an adjustment period. You are still adjusting to a new location and her behavior which probably has been always about the same is just more frustrating now to you. Give some time and continue doing your best. Could you maybe have her in a different part of the house for awhile to give you a break? Let her play with toys while you unwind. I sure hope you can work things out, I bet she's a great dog and you are a great owner, just seems you two need to mesh better. Perhaps time will help, plus the living situation sounds to be causing some of those issues.

[simplepeace]

I once got into counseling when I started getting frustrated with my dog, I felt silly about it, but I just knew there was something off for me to be frustrated, and so snippy. I went into therapy and when asked why I was there and I explained. They said that made sense to them, one big sign of depression is a shorter fuse. Who knew? It was also after a big move.

Maybe your dog is also feeding off of your frustration. And maybe you are feeling some anxiety, or depression (overwhelmed) with your move. Granted I hear you, it is not easy when your dog can't settle, but I have the feeling it migh be a mirror? Or a bit of both?

One thing for sure I would do is make her find her balls! Look up on YouTube nosework of any kind to get some ideas. Teach her how to find them, and don't keep throwing balls until she realllllly searches. It will wear her OUT if she is really looking (sniffing).

Granted we have lost toys in DEEP snow, and had to wait until spring to get them, but we did go back and find them after a few months My GSD had been trying to get to it for a long time! It was pretty funny actually.
You need to wear out her brain, as well as her body.

Also, as you mentioned since she does not have the best leash manners, so I would not take her on a run until after she is tired. I know that is a pain, but it will set you both up, and eventually make it easier.
What I mean is drive her to the dog park and stay an hour on weekends, and go straight home and take her for a run when she is already tired. Depends on the shape she is in of course, you don't want to hurt her.

Invest in some dog puzzles, and feed her in a Buster cube. If you feed kibble, quit feeding it in a bowl, set it out a few pieces at a time in all corners of the house, behind the toilet, in the shower, etc.... Anything to work her mind.
You'll get the idea, and it sounds like she will too.

[twelvepaw]

Originally Posted by xxthinkpinkxo

So the big issue is I feel like she's "restless" here. A lot of times I'll come home from work, play with her and even go for a run, and she's still pacing or wanting my attention. After a long day of work, coming home and immediately tending to her needs, it's frustrating when she's still not able to just sit down and chill after that and let me unwind. In the morning she is the same way. She IMMEDIATELY wants to go outside and play and if she doesn't she's pacing, whining and just unsettled.

While you have been working, this high-energy working dog has been alone for 8+ hours. She needs quality fun time with you including play time, training time, and physical exercise. These should already be part of your time together, so you need to become conscious of how you spend your time together.

So at least half the time I let her out, even if she's only out for five minutes she comes in drenched and often muddy. I have a special carpet that absorbs mud from her paws but it isn't perfect and often she's muddy all over and even after getting toweled down, she tracks it all over the place.

It isn't your dog's fault it rains- didn't you know what the weather would be before you moved?

She's naturally a puller but she's improved over time. However, when we pass by a fenced yard with other dogs she LUNGES at them dragging me along and starts barking until we pass by. I just started running with her about four months ago so this isn't an issue we've dealt with before. Over the years if we were on a walk I always been able to pull her back and scold her.

ALL dogs are "pullers"- it is an instinctual reflex. What you are doing is making it worse, and could escalate into full blown leash reactivity. As soon as you see another dog, get your dog's attention and reward with high value treats. If your dog is focusing on you and being rewarded, then they aren't able to lunge and bark at other dogs. This means you need to be aware of your surroundings and potential problem spots, and be very proactive on behalf of your dog. As well, start teaching your dog to do a nice loose leash walk- start slowly without other dogs around- reward liberally when your dog is there at your side and also reward when your dog looks at you.

The final thing is the town I live in is not very dog friendly.

Did you not know this before you moved to your area?

So I'm just hoping for some advice. My mom (who lives on the mainland) would happily take my dog -- she adores her -- but I really don't want to do that. I mostly just want my dog to be more settled here and I'm hoping to find a way to make this work better. I hate that I feel like snapping at my dog all the time because deep down I really love and care about her. But I need a way to deal with these issues better.

From what you have said, I really think this is your best option.

Originally Posted by KittenSparkles

I just did a quick google search on "dog behaviorist Hawaii" and pulled this site up: In Home Dog Training | Personal Dog Trainer | Hawaii Dog Training
Please do NOT use these trainers; they are not reputable. If you decide to work with a trainer, which I think is a good idea, please find a CPDT-KA certified trainer.

Originally Posted by willow wind

Your dog needs a different kind of exercise than you are giving . You're got a sporting dog, one bred to gallop and retrieve.

Going for an on leash run is nothing that any dog cares to do. Dogs are designed to move in various directions and use their noses. Running on a leash in a straight line with their nose up is not of any interest to a dog.

What your dog would like to do is a lot of ball chasing, stick throwing, swimming after objects, etc. The dog would love lots of off leash galloping around using her nose. At least a couple of hours a day doing the above.

Unfortunately your set up doesn't seem to be able to provide any of that. Is there a park or woods nearby where you can put her on a 15-20' lead and take her for long walks? Try to get to that dog park at least a couple of times a week. Are there any dogs clubs nearby where you can do bird dog type training with others. Any place to do agility as someone else suggested ?

Is there a doggy day care that is close by and affordable ? That may help some as your dog would be able to play all day with other dogs. Some even have pools. You wouldn't have to go every day but maybe leave her there a couple of days a week.

I second Willow Wind's suggestions.

Different dogs need different types of exercise. A walk or run doesn't necessarily tire a dog out. Possibly more importantly, dogs don't enjoy walks or runs the way we humans do it. We walk in a straight line from point A to point B whereas dogs want to run around and catch all the good sniffs, and socialize with other people and dogs. Dogs don't do straight lines, so while a walk or run exercises their body, it doesn't permit the dog time to just be a dog and enjoy themselves.

Daycare is a good idea, as is swimming, nosework, and working with a knowledgeable CPDT-KA certified trainer to come up with a fun training program that will challenge your dog's mind.

The things you are frustrated with-apart from wanting play time after being cooped up all day- really don't have anything to do with your dog. It isn't your dog's fault that it rains; similarly it isn't your dog's fault that you haven't provided the necessary training to teach a watch cue or how to loose-leash walk.

Your frustration with your dog is misplaced, and I cannot help but think your frustration is related more to other things going on in your life than with your dog. Something else is going on here, and yes, I agree with the other poster who suggested therapy as a way to get down to the root cause of your dissatisfaction.

Even if your mom isn't able to be with your dog 24/7, I think it will be a better environment for your dog than remaining with you. This is why: your dog picks up on all the frustration, unhappiness, and resentment you are feeling; combine that with the frustration, anger, and resentment you are directing toward your dog, and this equals an unhealthy environment for your dog. Your mom loves your dog and will provide a loving environment, which for whatever reason, you simply aren't able to do at this time.

If you decide to keep your dog, please try to change the way you are relating to her. She is your companion, and as such should be a source of comfort and companionship. It is natural to feel frustrated at times, so that needs to be acknowledged, but then let it go so that the frustration doesn't come between you and your dog.

[Dashdog]

One of my past dogs was a border collie X cattle dogs mix, very hyper and extremely intelligent. You could have her out running or playing fetch with a ball or Frisbee for a few hours think she was tired only to load her in the car drive home and open the door to the car and have her looking at you asking "What are we going to do now? I am up for much more fun" she had one mode and that was GO GO GO!

I found what worked best with her were two things:

1)I had mandatory crate time when she was young where I would send her to her crate, give her a chew and make her chill out and relax so I could get things done. It took her a while to learn to chill out and relax but she did learn.
#2 what would tire her out much faster then just physical exercise was that combined with mental challenges where she had to think. Examples were when we played fetch she would have to wait to be released then as she ran to get the ball I would make her do things like drop and roll over, Sit and wait, let her get half way to the ball and make her come back and shake hands or give me a kiss or do any of her many tricks, only to release her and have her stop right at the ball and lay down we put on quite a show when we played and people would stop and watch her and she loved it.

Or on walks as we walked I would toss in lots of "drills" that were either obedience things like sit or down or tricks. We never just walked! She did agility so I would make her walk on short walls or downed trees, there were some posts that marked a bike trail and she would weave through them,I would make her jump things or have her get up on things like tree stumps. It was a lot of fun.

Sometimes I would have competitions between her and my other dog who was a border collie X springer spaniel and who ever did the trick first got a treat. When we visited my parents their two dogs got in on the competitions too which was really fun calling out a command to 4 dogs and watching them try to win the treat by being first. Things like that would just wear her .

I also feel maybe there is something in your life that could be causing you to feel frustrated with the dog as moving to a new place away from family and friends is stressful. Try to befriend some other dog owners as doing things out with the dogs makes walking a dog seem like less of a chore. I love walking my dogs with other dog owners as it makes it more fun for me and the dogs too. Good luck!

[stan4]

Originally Posted by willow wind

Going for an on leash run is nothing that any dog cares to do. Dogs are designed to move in various directions and use their noses. Running on a leash in a straight line with their nose up is not of any interest to a dog.
k.

Coulda fooled me.
My rough collie can't get enough of going on runs.

I agree that maybe the op's dog needs a job. Breed-specific.

Most working dogs are happier with a job.

[HighFlyingBird]

It might be a terrible idea, but I find having a second dog really, really helps with excess energy. It doesn't just get out their physical energy but also their social energy. I wont have just one dog.

Maybe you could try this theory out by getting together with another dog and see how it goes.

[Ellwood]

First let me say you are awesome. You really have made so many efforts to please your dog. I also have a golden retriever, an English golden. She is an amazing therapy dog, who has been as calm as an old lady since a puppy. On the other hand, my daughter has an American golden (Murphy) (actually I didn't know there was a difference until I began researching). whose line includes agility champions. To say she is active is an understatement. She has done agility training with her, which Murphy loves. I guess it's like having a job. Also she is with children, which she also seems to love.

When she was training Murphy, she had to use a gentle leader/harness type leash in order for her to train her to walk with her, also using the commands, "with me." Additionally every time Murphy didn't follow a command, she would rap her index finger lightly on Murphy's nose. Pretty soon Murphy would cringe whenever my daughter raised her finger! Because they are so high energy, they also require a more aggressive approach to training. You might look into a book, written by the Monks of New Skete, who raise and train german shepards. The breeder along with several friends have used their methods and swear by them. One friend paid $2500 for a month and the monks trained her dog. Impressive.

[Windwalker2]

Originally Posted by KittenSparkles

I just did a quick google search on "dog behaviorist Hawaii" and pulled this site up: In Home Dog Training | Personal Dog Trainer | Hawaii Dog Training

A number of years ago, I was having a serious behavior issue with my cat. I wasn't going to get rid of him, and all my efforts to fix the problem were not working. I read all over the internet trying to figure out what I needed to do. I thought I was a pretty knowledgeable person when it came to cats, and believed the things I was doing should be working.

But I finally got so desperate I ended up paying for a consult with a cat behaviorist.

It ended up being SOOO helpful. She clearly understood cats on a much deeper level than any of the google articles I found. In two weeks of following her step-by-step changes, which included making changes to the environment, how I acted, etc, the problem completely resolved and never came back.

My point is that it seems like you are really committed to your dog and you are doing just about EVERYTHING you can think of... maybe its worth spending a bit of money to talk to someone who might have an insight that you just can't figure out on your own.

I agree. If you can afford it, have a consultation with a dog behaviorist.

[JrzDefector]

Originally Posted by TKO

I'll never have a single dog again. After some serious health issues had me realize that I wasn't going to be able to run my Brittany like I had and like she needs (temporarily) I got a little male terrier mix as an addition to our pack and the neurotic behavior she displayed when cooped up too long disappeared. When I can't take them for serious exercise they romp with each other in the back yard. It's hardly more trouble having two vs. one. Best thing I ever did for her and me (and the little guy who came from a rescue). It's also great for when they have to spend time at home without me. They don't like being alone.

Yep. I have two very high energy dogs. Getting the second one gave me a respite. The new dog calms the other one down and they roughhouse when they need to get their energy out.

But I really think this dog needs activities and training - her brain isn't being exercised enough. Nosework, tricks, a balance ball (for conditioning exercises), agility - all these things could give her stuff to actually think about. I really haven't encountered a golden retriever that needs that much exercise before - it sounds extreme, and most people I know have herding dogs.