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My dog of three years is starting to drive me crazy and I'm not sure how much longer I can take it. Any advice from other dog owners would be very appreciated. Thank you in advance for reading this.
She's a 4.5 year-old, high energy golden retriever. I recently moved to Hawaii and I shipped her out here earlier this year after a lengthy quarantine process. Hawaii is expensive as you can probably imagine so we live in a studio/one bedroom. However it's on a 4-acre property with plenty of room to run around. So even though she's inside while I'm at work during the day, I come home at lunch and play fetch with her, and we also play fetch every day before/after work. I also run 4-6 times per week for several miles with her. So, despite living in a smaller-than-ideal place, I really try to give her enough exercise. I also give her a "Kong" stuffed with frozen food EVERY time I leave the house, so she gets at least two of those things per day.
However retrievers are very active and as far as retrievers go she is probably about as high energy as they come. She could probably run five marathons in a row.
So the big issue is I feel like she's "restless" here. A lot of times I'll come home from work, play with her and even go for a run, and she's still pacing or wanting my attention. After a long day of work, coming home and immediately tending to her needs, it's frustrating when she's still not able to just sit down and chill after that and let me unwind. In the morning she is the same way. She IMMEDIATELY wants to go outside and play and if she doesn't she's pacing, whining and just unsettled. Where I live, I can't just let her out to run wild because other dogs live on the same property, so I have to physically go out and supervise her while she sniffs around. Previously I've often lived in places with fenced yards which has been much easier.
Also, I live in a very rainy part of Hawaii. When it rains here (almost every day) it POURS. So at least half the time I let her out, even if she's only out for five minutes she comes in drenched and often muddy. I have a special carpet that absorbs mud from her paws but it isn't perfect and often she's muddy all over and even after getting toweled down, she tracks it all over the place.
Those are probably the two biggest issues. Over the past six months or so since she came here, they've really started to wear me down. And there are other little things. For example, my landlord never mows the lawn (we've tried asking him to mow but he's a jerk) so the grass super tall. I've lost probably 50 tennis balls in the yard because my dog cant find them in the grass and it gets frustrating having to buy new ones every week.
And when we go running my dog can be a pain. She's naturally a puller but she's improved over time. However, when we pass by a fenced yard with other dogs she LUNGES at them dragging me along and starts barking until we pass by. I just started running with her about four months ago so this isn't an issue we've dealt with before. Over the years if we were on a walk I always been able to pull her back and scold her. But if we're running five miles together and she does that 10 times, it really distracts from the run and it makes me not want to take her anymore. I told this to someone and they said, "You know she's almost five years old she really shouldn't be doing that." And I think they're right so I've started being tough with her. When she lunges I scold her very loudly and yank her back to my side. It seems to work better but I also get tons of dirty looks from other people and I feel like they think I'm a terrible owner or something.
The final thing is the town I live in is not very dog friendly. There's one dog park about 25-30 minutes away and most hikes and parks do not allow animals. Most apartments are also not dog friendly so it would be really difficult to move. It took me several months to find the place I'm at which allows pets. The general mentality is people here view dogs more as tools for hunting. Seeing dogs chained up is very common.
A little back history. I got my dog on Craigslist when I lived in Idaho about 3.5 years ago. For most of the time I owned her, I had a boyfriend who helped out with some of the dog duties. We didn't live together but he was around a lot and helped play with her, etc. I didn't realize how hard it is to do it ALL on my own, especially in this current living situation and in a town where I can't take her many places. I have lived in several different places in Idaho with my dog. A couple have been small apartments so it's not like this is even a new challenge. I don't know why it's so overwhelming now. It's getting to the point though, where I feel resentful of my dog and I have to restrain myself from always snapping at her. For example she ate something bad this week and threw up all over my throw rug. Obviously that's not her fault but it was just icing on the cake.
I also want to make clear I'm really trying to make it work. I spend my lunch hour driving home every day (about 20 min from my work) just to play with my dog. I buy Kong treats every week for her and play with her outside every day rain or shine. We have done agility classes together here as a socialization thing and I've tried finding cool places here to take her despite how difficult it is.
So I'm just hoping for some advice. My mom (who lives on the mainland) would happily take my dog -- she adores her -- but I really don't want to do that. I mostly just want my dog to be more settled here and I'm hoping to find a way to make this work better. I hate that I feel like snapping at my dog all the time because deep down I really love and care about her. But I need a way to deal with these issues better.
Last edited by xxthinkpinkxo; 09-04-2016 at 02:45 PM..
That's why we got cats, we weren't home enough and it wasn't fair to have a dog. Dogs need more direct attention and interaction for the dogs happiness.
That's why we got cats, we weren't home enough and it wasn't fair to have a dog. Dogs need more direct attention and interaction for the dogs happiness.
Yeah in hindsight maybe getting a cat would have been better for me as a young, single person. I'm pretty committed though, and I really want to find a way to make it work better. My dog and I have been together for most of her life. I feel like six months of hardship isn't reason to give her up. I guess I just want HER to be happy too. During the day she is pretty square. She doesn't destroy anything and the Kongs work pretty well to keep her occupied. As far as the restlessness, I don't think it's a lack of exercise because she literally runs like 30 miles a week with me plus fetch every day. There's just something about the place here that makes her antsy. Maybe it's all the floor-to-ceiling windows so she can see outside all day tempting her to go out? I don't know.
What kind of environment, activities, and daily attention can your mom provide? Is she retired, so home all day? Near dog parks? Has a big yard?
She has a huge, fenced yard and a huge home near plenty of dog parks. She works fulltime though. She is gone about 10-12 hours per day and doesn't come home for lunch. So despite having more room I don't know if Kia would be happier there. She would definitely be alone more and wouldn't have as much exercise. (my mom is on the older side).
You can out an ad on Craigslist "gigs" and ask for a college student to visit/take for a walk several times a week for a nominal fee. Just make sure the college kid has reliable transportation.
A number of years ago, I was having a serious behavior issue with my cat. I wasn't going to get rid of him, and all my efforts to fix the problem were not working. I read all over the internet trying to figure out what I needed to do. I thought I was a pretty knowledgeable person when it came to cats, and believed the things I was doing should be working.
But I finally got so desperate I ended up paying for a consult with a cat behaviorist.
It ended up being SOOO helpful. She clearly understood cats on a much deeper level than any of the google articles I found. In two weeks of following her step-by-step changes, which included making changes to the environment, how I acted, etc, the problem completely resolved and never came back.
My point is that it seems like you are really committed to your dog and you are doing just about EVERYTHING you can think of... maybe its worth spending a bit of money to talk to someone who might have an insight that you just can't figure out on your own.
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
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Maybe it is still an adjustment period? You're an awesome doggie parent, though. All of that is so impressive. My other thought would be advanced dog tricks that might exhaust her mind, too. Perhaps agility training? Could you train her to be a therapy dog? Or go for the good citizen award?
I'd have to say my golden was extremely high energy for the first 4 or 5 years. He's 7 now and has slowed up a bit and is now a joy. He still has his moments, but he's also just as likely to curl up on the sofa with me for cuddle time. My point is that perhaps your dog will settle a bit in the months to come.
I have a lab/pit mix. She is as hyper as your dog. No matter how much she ran, played, walked... she is ready to do it again after a 5 minute break. She has slowed down a TINY bit since 3 years ago when I adopted her.. she is now 6. Still hyper.
Agility courses are great. Can you add obedience training too? Anything that makes her think helps. If she likes to use her nose, courses in sniffing or play a game of hiding treats in the yard or house to find helps. You have a hyper and intelligent breed. They love to think and work. Most people think satisfying the physical part is all you need to calm a hyper dog. On the contrary, a combination of mental and physical sessions is what all dogs should receive, especially the working and intelligent breeds.
Taking care of a hyper dog can be exhausting. I sympathize with you. To avoid burn out, you must schedule time for yourself. When you come home from work, unless your dog need to go potty, ignore her and go relax for 15-30 minutes. Get some "me" time. Hire a sitter to help so you can go enjoy your new life in Hawaii. If you burn out, you will only be left frustrated and tired, which isn't very constructive for anyone. Accept that your dog will always want more of your time.
The same advice I tell other owners with hyper dogs is this: be patient. Age is not a determing factor for maturity as that will set you up for false expectations. This is true for humans and same as for dogs and cats. I have another pup who is 2 years, pit/lab/bulldog mix. She is opposite of my other dog: happy and calm when we go out, a couch potato at home. She is content if we go out or not. My 6 year old still bounces around like a puppy in her mind. I had met a 2 year old golden who was calm and another who is not. Your dog will eventually calm down to a degree.
Regarding the pulling, your dog is hyper, which means she is easily over stimulated at a fastee rate and shorter time than usual. I don't think the pulling is of anything aggressive. The pulling is your dog reacting to a stimulus (I.e. another dog) and in her excitement, wants to get closer to investigate. It doesn't help that the other dogs who are chained are also over excited because they are not being exercised and attended to. Two over excited dogs = no bueno.
Have your dog taken to the dog park more, plan doggie dates with your neighbor, etc... that canine to canine socialization will help. At the same time, during a walk, before she reacts, either walk a different path or teach her "leave it" command. She is allowed to look, bark, whine... while she moves with you without lunging for the dog. Walk on the road on the other side of the street, not the same one. When she succeed passing a dog while obeying your command, praise and treat.
Your dog needs a different kind of exercise than you are giving . You're got a sporting dog, one bred to gallop and retrieve.
Going for an on leash run is nothing that any dog cares to do. Dogs are designed to move in various directions and use their noses. Running on a leash in a straight line with their nose up is not of any interest to a dog.
What your dog would like to do is a lot of ball chasing, stick throwing, swimming after objects, etc. The dog would love lots of off leash galloping around using her nose. At least a couple of hours a day doing the above.
Unfortunately your set up doesn't seem to be able to provide any of that. Is there a park or woods nearby where you can put her on a 15-20' lead and take her for long walks? Try to get to that dog park at least a couple of times a week. Are there any dogs clubs nearby where you can do bird dog type training with others. Any place to do agility as someone else suggested ?
Is there a doggy day care that is close by and affordable ? That may help some as your dog would be able to play all day with other dogs. Some even have pools. You wouldn't have to go every day but maybe leave her there a couple of days a week.
Keep trying to figure this out. You may be able to accommodate your dog . It's a tough situation that you find yourself in but good luck.
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