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Thanks everyone for the kind words again. I talked to the vet and was very distraught because they called me the day before grindle died but I didn't get the call and only got the voicemail notification a week later due to some phone issue. If I just got the call maybe they would have been able to tell me to get him to a vet asap and save him. The vet insisted that grindle's condition is dire to begin with and sending him in wouldn't have helped much and he probably needed a risky operation. I can't help but think he's just saying that to make me feel better, since he didn't really know how grindle died. It's been 10 days but I feel like things have taken a turn for the worst and I break down crying even in the middle of the day.
I am so sorry you lost your dear Grindle. However, you need to stop torturing yourself. Don’t do any more Googling or “what if’s”. The truth is you don’t know that any further intervention would do any good.
We have been through this with a beloved dog and frankly we let it go on too long. With our current dog we have decided that if she gets chronically ill we won’t go overboard on investigation or treatment. My best friend who is also crazy about her dog says the same thing—this time around she’s not doing anything to prolong the inevitable.
I recommend people consider getting pet insurance. We have a great plan and it has really paid off. Our dog has had some injuries in the past and a skin cancer removed.
Thanks everyone for the kind words again. I talked to the vet and was very distraught because they called me the day before grindle died but I didn't get the call and only got the voicemail notification a week later due to some phone issue. If I just got the call maybe they would have been able to tell me to get him to a vet asap and save him. The vet insisted that grindle's condition is dire to begin with and sending him in wouldn't have helped much and he probably needed a risky operation. I can't help but think he's just saying that to make me feel better, since he didn't really know how grindle died. It's been 10 days but I feel like things have taken a turn for the worst and I break down crying even in the middle of the day.
I truly understand how you feel. I curse myself for having taken my dog to the vet that day more than a year ago. My dog's days were limited but that particular day was not his day to die until an error by the vet made it so. I had two dogs though and the remaining 5 year old heeler needed my attention. She was depressed as well and I went for long walks with her and taught her new tricks. But she was not herself and as time went on seemed to become more depressed and didn't even want to chase after the ball but simply trudged glumly at my heel on walks.
I have loved and lost many dogs but it was their time and I even though I second guessed myself, I always knew that. Knowing it was not my Mister's time and he died horribly is what made my grief worse and drawn out. Anyway, I always knew I'd get another dog but my heeler's depression speeded things up. I got a German shepherd pup about 3 months after Mister's death and it did help my heeler. However, I still felt raw. Dogs are not interchangeable and getting another one with some kind of expectation that the new dog will be the same as the old dog would be wrong.
I didn't make the mistake of thinking that but even though I interacted with the pup as though my heart wasn't with my old dog, my heart just wasn't with the new pup in the way it might have been had I not been grieving so deeply. I actually feel that only now am I connecting with her on an emotional level. She is a good dog, don't get me wrong. It wasn't ever her - it was me.
I am only telling you this so that you realise you're not alone. I don't know how to tell you to stop torturing yourself since I've done the same for a solid year. But the trick I kept at least trying to do was to build a mental box around my memories and stick them in there and nail down the lid as nothing is going to bring my dog back. And at some point, I am sure you will make some other lucky dog a great owner. Some people find another dog soon after losing one helps their grief and some find the opposite. Usually I have found that a new dog has helped me get over the grief but this time was so different on so many levels that it didn't work that way. It's taken a lot for me to post even this much about the last year and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to write the chronology of my dog's last day.
I truly understand how you feel. I curse myself for having taken my dog to the vet that day more than a year ago. My dog's days were limited but that particular day was not his day to die until an error by the vet made it so. I had two dogs though and the remaining 5 year old heeler needed my attention. She was depressed as well and I went for long walks with her and taught her new tricks. But she was not herself and as time went on seemed to become more depressed and didn't even want to chase after the ball but simply trudged glumly at my heel on walks.
I have loved and lost many dogs but it was their time and I even though I second guessed myself, I always knew that. Knowing it was not my Mister's time and he died horribly is what made my grief worse and drawn out. Anyway, I always knew I'd get another dog but my heeler's depression speeded things up. I got a German shepherd pup about 3 months after Mister's death and it did help my heeler. However, I still felt raw. Dogs are not interchangeable and getting another one with some kind of expectation that the new dog will be the same as the old dog would be wrong.
I didn't make the mistake of thinking that but even though I interacted with the pup as though my heart wasn't with my old dog, my heart just wasn't with the new pup in the way it might have been had I not been grieving so deeply. I actually feel that only now am I connecting with her on an emotional level. She is a good dog, don't get me wrong. It wasn't ever her - it was me.
I am only telling you this so that you realise you're not alone. I don't know how to tell you to stop torturing yourself since I've done the same for a solid year. But the trick I kept at least trying to do was to build a mental box around my memories and stick them in there and nail down the lid as nothing is going to bring my dog back. And at some point, I am sure you will make some other lucky dog a great owner. Some people find another dog soon after losing one helps their grief and some find the opposite. Usually I have found that a new dog has helped me get over the grief but this time was so different on so many levels that it didn't work that way. It's taken a lot for me to post even this much about the last year and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to write the chronology of my dog's last day.
Thanking you for typing all these out, I know it must be difficult for you to bring back these memories and I truly appreciate you sharing your memories and thoughts with me during this difficult time. I am thinking about adopting another dog as well, I know that no matter how much I regret or feel guilty, it won't bring back Grindle. But there are so many dogs out there who could use a loving home and if I can share unconditional love with another dog who's lost everything, that's the best way to honor Grindle's memory.
Thanking you for typing all these out, I know it must be difficult for you to bring back these memories and I truly appreciate you sharing your memories and thoughts with me during this difficult time. I am thinking about adopting another dog as well, I know that no matter how much I regret or feel guilty, it won't bring back Grindle. But there are so many dogs out there who could use a loving home and if I can share unconditional love with another dog who's lost everything, that's the best way to honor Grindle's memory.
Grindle will be happy you gave another dog a chance at a forever home. Why would he not, look at how lucky Grindle was with you. Wishing you the best.
if I can share unconditional love with another dog who's lost everything, that's the best way to honor Grindle's memory.
That is how I have coped with the loss of dogs over the years. Also, the knowledge that in a world where so many ---people as well as animals--- live a miserable existence, my dogs live a good life.
I can feel your pain and I'm so sorry. Our family has had 2 Bichons and honestly, they are the most wonderful breed ever. Both Paul and Lucy lived 16.5 years and I thought I would never get over the grief when they died. In fact, I was one of those who said I'd never get another dog after Paul because the pain was just too terrible. I did wait 6 months when we rescued Lucy.
We always think there is more we could have done but in reality it was already probably too late. I hope you can decide to adopt another dog again. So many languishing in shelters need the kind of devotion and love you offer.
I can feel your pain and I'm so sorry. Our family has had 2 Bichons and honestly, they are the most wonderful breed ever. Both Paul and Lucy lived 16.5 years and I thought I would never get over the grief when they died. In fact, I was one of those who said I'd never get another dog after Paul because the pain was just too terrible. I did wait 6 months when we rescued Lucy.
We always think there is more we could have done but in reality it was already probably too late. I hope you can decide to adopt another dog again. So many languishing in shelters need the kind of devotion and love you offer.
I just feel like I am solely responsible for Grindle's health and well being, and even if it's too late when we sent him to the vet, the fact that he had such dire health issues at 13 is due to my failures from years in the past, both big and small. My wife hasn't been supportive of me with caring for the dog since our baby was born and it's very hard to be Grindle's sole source of support. I wish I had done more for him, and I know I could have, but I just got complacent after a while and took his health for granted.
For one I could have tried to keep bringing him to different vets until I found a teeth cleaning cost that my wife could accept (we went to two different vets both gave us estimate of $1000+), the fact that he hasn't had a teeth cleaning in 2 years might have cost him his health. My wife always rejects my ideas where we take him to the park or the beach on the weekend and we end up going somewhere where we have to leave him home. Even in his last day, I saw his condition deteriorate during the day but didn't think to call the vet right away because we were out of town and thought he could tough it out til Monday.
I feel like even though I knew he was old, I just didn't want to fight for him hard enough and just keep letting him down over and over again, until he got tired of being let down and his body can't handle the constant disappointment and neglect.
Even under the best of circumstances, it is never easy losing a pet. For me, in a lot of ways it is harder to lose a pet than lose a human friend or family member. For me the best way to cope, after suffering through a lot of grief, is to keep my mind busy on other things. And no matter how much time goes by, the hurt is always the same when I do think about it. I too have thoughts about maybe she would have lived a little longer had I have chosen a different vet or spent more money on her treatments. But then I have the same thoughts on medical decisions I make for myself. We all do the best we can and hope it is enough. The main thing is that we try. In my opinion if it does not hurt when you lose a pet, then you didn't really love it. I feel for you brother.
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Never easy losing a pet
