Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The parent phone calls do get old. I kept mine private until my daughter started school and I put it in the class birthday invite list. That thing spread like wildfire over the next few years.
I was raised by two teachers/administrators, so I will share my experience.
Growing up, I became accustomed to my mother/parents being constantly approached by students and their parents, no matter where we went in public we always hear the voice in the distance or around the corner yelling out "Mrs. Blahblahblah!" It was never much of a big deal, you just get used to it. However, there were countless times that my mother would be sick, or rushed without brushed hair and makeup on and she would say "please go in the store for me because I just know that as soon as I go out in public like this, I will see 10 students I know." Anytime she would go in looking un-kept, or not feeling well, sure enough she would get approached by students and their families who wanted to chat and introduce her to family, it never failed - and she was always embarrassed. And there were many, many times when a teacher has to smile and simply pretend they remember the student, or politely ask the year they were in school simply because you cannot remember every name and face after working with thousands of people over 35 years.
After teaching for 30+ years in a district, you can pretty much guarantee that you will be constantly barraged with students or parents, no matter where you go. Then you get into multiple generations in the same families who had you as a teacher...
In high school, I used to walk at a park and constantly saw one of my teachers jogging there who would flat out ignore me. I just ignored him back and never bothered him, because I knew it was his personal weekend time.
I was raised by two teachers/administrators, so I will share my experience.
Growing up, I became accustomed to my mother/parents being constantly approached by students and their parents, no matter where we went in public we always hear the voice in the distance or around the corner yelling out "Mrs. Blahblahblah!" It was never much of a big deal, you just get used to it. However, there were countless times that my mother would be sick, or rushed without brushed hair and makeup on and she would say "please go in the store for me because I just know that as soon as I go out in public like this, I will see 10 students I know." Anytime she would go in looking un-kept, or not feeling well, sure enough she would get approached by students and their families who wanted to chat and introduce her to family, it never failed - and she was always embarrassed. And there were many, many times when a teacher has to smile and simply pretend they remember the student, or politely ask the year they were in school simply because you cannot remember every name and face after working with thousands of people over 35 years.
After teaching for 30+ years in a district, you can pretty much guarantee that you will be constantly barraged with students or parents, no matter where you go. Then you get into multiple generations in the same families who had you as a teacher...
In high school, I used to walk at a park and constantly saw one of my teachers jogging there who would flat out ignore me. I just ignored him back and never bothered him, because I knew it was his personal weekend time.
Don't take it personal.
The one time I went to the grocery store without a bra, of course I meet some students and parents. I was so embarrassed about it. I was wearing sweats and a t-shirt, and had just dropped in for milk. The agony!!!
The parent phone calls do get old. I kept mine private until my daughter started school and I put it in the class birthday invite list. That thing spread like wildfire over the next few years.
I love to see my ex students, except in the police report page of newspaper.
The problem is, teaching middle school, I frequently do not recognize them either late in high school or post high school.
I also don't remember all the names, though when I do recognize one, I know, I always speak.
One of the very few perks of teaching is having one go out of his or her way to speak.
Once, in the Charlotte, NC airport baggage handling area, I heard my name being hollered and a kid literally jumped the end of the baggage conveyer to speak to me...like a tv commercial or something. I did not recognize him.
Another time at the beach, a beach BOMBSHELL in a very small bikini came running (bouncing up) and gave me a big hug. I was stunned until she told me her name. It had been about 12 years since I taught her (I guess she would have be 26 or 27, and let us just say, she had developed, erhhhh grown up nicely/ My wife was not amused. But I was
marie5v, as I said I almost always say hello to the many, many parents and students and former students that I run into in the community. But, I wonder if your father or you have even had similar situations to some of mine.
Was you dad ever chastised by a parent because he wasn't smiling enough (even after he said hello) because he was on the way home from his mother's funeral?
Did a parent ever get angry at your dad while he was stark naked and late to his swim class because, after listening for five minutes, he politely asked that the parent should contact him at school to hold a parent conference instead of (ambushing him) in the locker room?
If your mother was in the hospital and deathly ill how would your father feel when a parent gets angry at him because he choose to be with his wife/your mother in the hospital instead of volunteering his time at the PTA book fair?
Let's say your dad has a 103 degree temperature and was getting a prescription from the drug store on his way home from the doctor. How do you think that he would feel when a parent told some other parents and his principal that he was lying when he called in sick that day because she saw him in the drug store mid day?
And the most egregious comment. Imagine being told by a parent that he was being "selfish and inconsiderate" because he wanted to spend time with his newborn baby named Marie5v?
I don't know if you are single or married, have children or are child free, but just imagine how shocked and distressed you would be if a parent told you that you were "selfish" to take a maternity leave. This parent actually told me that she felt that special education teachers should not be allowed to havechildren because that meant that their students would be forced to have a substitute teacher for a few weeks and that the teacher might be "distracted by her own children and not able to devote 100% of her time to her students." This parent moved to a different school district when she found out that I was taking three months of maternity leave. In a way it was a compliment because this parent very diligently researched the available special education classrooms and teachers in the area and choose me but I think that this parent would have been extremely difficult to please. I was really glad that she moved so that her daughter would have a different special education teacher (one who didn't take a maternity leave after having a baby).
Maybe all of the parents in your community are polite, respectful and considerate of others but not every teacher is that lucky.
PS. It is possible that some of the reason I have had these experiences is because I taught special education. Although the vast majority of parents were/are wonderful one of the parents in my example was mentally challenged herself and another one of these parents was extremely, extremely obsessed with her child's education (the parent who said that special education teachers should not be allowed to have children of their own).
No, none of that ever happened to him or to me. Not once. Ever. And it's got nothing to do with my post or even the general conversation. That's just weird, rude parents.
I agree that it is important to be polite to people you know and, of course, that means current and former students and parents.
But, some of you may not truly understand how persistent and long winded some parents can be. Remember that I am the poster who had a parent want to have a parent conference while I was stark naked changing into a swimsuit in a YMCA locker room. After I politely tried to get out of the conversation for more than five minutes. I finally had to insist to the parent that she call me at school and set up a time to meet with her. The parent was quite annoyed with me because I didn't just keep on "conferencing with her" right then and there.
One year I was transferred to a different school and the other teachers in that building warned me that some of the parents of the students in that special education classroom were extremely aggressive and did not understand boundaries. It was the main reason that the previous teacher had quit. Parents called her at home at all hours of the day and night, invited her and her husband to dinner at their homes and kept insisting and insisting that they come until they finally agreed to come, kept inviting her to join their family at the park, zoo and other events (probably to use the teacher as a free babysitter). The other teachers warned me not to give out my home phone number.
When school started I had several parents ask me for my home phone number and I told the parents that they could always reach me at school, send a note with their child or leave a message for me on the school answering machine and I would promptly call them back. One parent must have asked me 10 or 12 times for my home number saying that it was "essential that she have it".
I signed my name as "Ms. Last Name" on letters going home (I have always done it that way). Several parents asked for my first name (I assumed that it was so that they could find my home phone number) and I said that their child called me Ms. Last Name so it would be less confusing if they called me Ms. Last Name, too.
The end result? At least two parents complained to the principal that I "refused to give out my home phone number" to them. Thankfully, the principal knew about the boundary issues and told the parents that they should just contact me at school and they didn't need to have my home phone number. Even though a couple of parents were pretty irritated at me for a while everything turned out fine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by marie5v
No, none of that ever happened to him or to me. Not once. Ever. And it's got nothing to do with my post or even the general conversation. That's just weird, rude parents.
I wish to apologize to marie5v and others that I may have offended. I agree that these incidents were not typical parent behavior. I just wanted to point out to the posters who were implying that out of school student/parent contact should be welcome at all times may not have been forced to deal with some of the rude and inconsiderate parents that other teachers have had.
As I have said in my posts almost all of the students, former students and parents that I run into in the community are nice, polite and considerate of my time. But it is the very few other experiences that make a teacher want to hide or live and shop in a different community. I personally know teachers who have needed to get legal restraining orders against a student or their parent, have been threatened with violence or were physically attacked by a parent or a student. Obviously, these teachers sincerely hope that they never see these students/parents in the community. As it happens the situations that I mentioned all involve special education students and their parents and perhaps that is one of the differences.
I started teaching full time in 1975 so perhaps I have just had many more years of contact with current/former students and parents of current/former students than someone who had only taught for 5 or 10 years. Perhaps their experiences with "crazy, rude and inconsiderate" parents are 10 or 20 years in the future or perhaps they will always have positive experiences.
I am very happy for teachers and retired teachers who have only had positive experiences outside of school and always welcome interactions. But, it isn't the case with all teachers at all times.
To a teachers, former teachers and parents: Have a great Sunday!
Last edited by germaine2626; 10-13-2013 at 08:44 AM..
We live in a fairly small community, most of the children that go to our elementary school all live in 2 different housing developments. So, pretty much everyone knows eachother or has at least heard names & faces are familiar.
Many of the teachers at the elementary & middle schools also live within this community so it is very common to see them on the weekends at soccer games, football games,and during the Summer at the private pool club within our development.
Most of the teachers are always so warm & friendly when they see their students & families out & about.
There are however, a few, that are really just downright rude. They will barely acknowledge the parents but worse, their students- past or present. I think it is horrible.
My oldest & I were at the community YMCA & one of her past teachers was there & she did everything she could to obviously not have to speak to my daughter! She practically hid from her and then when it was too hard for her to avoid us any longer, she said " oh , I didn't even see you". Please.
This isn't the only time she has done something like that, last Spring we were at a soccer game & she ( at this time- she WAS my daughter's teacher) & my daughter spotted her and was excited, as kids typically are when they see their teachers outside of school, she ran up to her & her teacher said "hi" and walked off!
Several other parents have shared similar experiences with her and another teacher acting the same way.
I am sure that they would like an "escape" from their work environment, I get that. However, if you, as a teacher, make the decision to either accept a position in the community/ district you live in or choose to make your home in that same district, then you must accept & acknowledge that your students are going to be around. How terrible my daughter felt when her teacher basically blew her off.
I don't need to have a long winded conversation with their teacher, but they need to be respectful.
I am not trying to criticize teachers as a whole, I fully respect what they do & how hard they work. I would feel the same way no matter who it is, but because it is a teacher, they are obviously someone that our children look up to and they need to remember that. My daughter's feelings were very hurt & she still talks about it.
my first 4 years of teaching i made the decision to live a good 30 minutes from my school / community it served on purpose. eventually i bit the bullet and moved into the community and now live about 10 minutes from school. sometimes i enjoy being out and about and seeing current students, former and their parents. in my experience its the parents who are hesitant to talk to me. maybe because i teach high school? sometimes i do make the decision to drive up the interstate into the city to find something to do or buy groceries, etc.... so as to avoid work contact on a weekend especially. if they say hello i respond, if they wanna converse i converse. i usually don't go out of my way to say hello though. mainly b/c i'm not the type to browse and mingle. i get in and get out at a store haha.
My opinion is so long as your private life don't affect your job, it's fine. If you say go to bars that are not frequented by parents of students and have a few drinks and is responsible about it, that's one thing. If you end up getting into fights and/or DWI/DUI, then it can be a problem. If you are downloading child porn, um yeah we don't even need to talk about that...
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
