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If he's happy at school (according to the teacher) as well as happy at home with other friends, then I would let it be. I often had school only friends and it didn't bother me.
Thanks for your feedback. I have spoken with is teacher and she said he seems to get along with most everyone and seems happy in class. I guess our biggest concern is that middle school seems to be a time when more of the social activities occur around school events. If he isn't connecting on a social level with his class mates, and is with his neighbors, what if the neighbors disappear into their school network? Will this leave him alone and lonely?
Let me say that he is a very social kid. That's what perplexes us about school and his lack of connection there. He is active in his church youth group, is in a scout troop, is on a lacrosse team, and attends a 3 week camp where he knew no one to begin with.
The other piece of the puzzle is that the magnet program will feed into a magnet within the districted high school. I don't know if high school will be too late to reconnect with the neighborhood group.
In my kids' experience, middle school was not a time of social activities around school events. Our district has gone to great lengths not to over-emphasize sports in the MS years; they do not have interscholastic sports until 8th grade. Before that, it's intramurals. They don't have a lot of dances (I think maybe one a year or so), clubs, etc.
It sounds to me like your son is doing a lot with lacrosse, church and scouts. The friends don't all have to live in the same neighborhood, and as the kids get older, they often don't. Some of these neighborhood kids may move away or choose another high school. I agree with the posters below.
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Originally Posted by Sam82
Personally, you may be jumping the gun a little. Right now he is in fifth grade. I wouldn't worry about the friends he may make in high school. You say he is social and involved in a lot of activities. He will make friends wherever he is. In fact, he will have different groups of friends (neighborhood, school, outside sports). And to be realistic, you don't know exactly who is going to be living in your neighborhood 4-5 years from now. So, don't stress it.
In my city, the high school kids have to apply to h.s. Where you live has nothing to do with where you go to high school. Still, I see many students on the buses and trains interacting. I think kids will make friends wherever they are.
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Originally Posted by toobusytoday
If he's happy at school (according to the teacher) as well as happy at home with other friends, then I would let it be. I often had school only friends and it didn't bother me.
Preparing him now academically will make it so that he doesn't struggle so much in his more social years (late middle/high school). Think of it as an investment...he has friends now, and the potential for a larger network later. Less time spent on homework later on (because he actually gets it) means more time to spend with friends, and a likelihood he won't get frustrated, give up on school, and go in with the wrong crowd.
It's good to have friends and I don't think all parents realize that. Academics are definitely more important but a kid starts learning how to live socially in the world, right in school.
It's good to have friends and I don't think all parents realize that. Academics are definitely more important but a kid starts learning how to live socially in the world, right in school.
One would hope that children begin to learn social skills and lessons far earlier than the commencement of public education. (Though that would explain the abundance of obnoxious preschoolers at Target the other day.)
It seems I disagree with the majority, but for my two cents, I would say go with the neighborhood school if that's where he has most of his friends. While I think academics are important, I would rather have my child going to the neighborhood school in the safer part of town, connecting with friends and developing a sense of community where he actually lives. There is so much push lately to achieve everything possible at such a young age. At what point do some kids get burnt out? At what point does learning algebra one year before the next kid become a priority that trumps all others? No, you don't want them to be bored either, but parents can do a lot to enrich their child's overall education beyond just advanced placement classes. Maybe you take them to the library on the weekends or to museums, or get them music and art lessons. Maybe you find a mentor in the field they are interested in.
Here's our situation. Our son is in a G/T magnet program in 5th grade. The magnet program continues on in a school that is in a rough neighborhood (there's room for the program since no one that can choose where to live due to school district chooses this area) and is far from our house. The program has been a great fit for our son. He's done very well academically. However, he has not really connected with many of the kids in the school. He's had maybe 3 kids from the program over in a 3 year time period. He has neighborhood kids that he primarily plays with. Our other option for middle school is our neighborhood school. He would attend with neighbors and the social network would be much stronger. Here's the downside; the school doesn't offer any advanced classes. Basically the G/T program is a grade ahead so he would potentially repeat a lot of what he's taking now. We are having a tough time deciding which school to send him to. He is torn as well. He realizes that his academic needs are currently being met but would like to be able to ride his bike to school and hang out with his friends.
Any insight or suggestions on how we can figure this out would be much appreciated!
Part of parenting a child whose intelligence is above the norm for her or his age is the slow realization that we -- all of us, regardless of intelligence -- ultimately get along best with people whose I.Q. is similar to our own. Obviously and of course we can be friendly with anyone. However, it's far more likely we can feel the deep connection of friendship with those who are most similar to us.
That said, the "socialization" you're looking for might best be found when your child is among folks similar to him. I would suggest that he go to the GT school and maintain his friendships with his current-school friends by play dates, weekend activities, and other get-togethers.
Here's our situation. Our son is in a G/T magnet program in 5th grade. The magnet program continues on in a school that is in a rough neighborhood (there's room for the program since no one that can choose where to live due to school district chooses this area) and is far from our house. The program has been a great fit for our son. He's done very well academically. However, he has not really connected with many of the kids in the school. He's had maybe 3 kids from the program over in a 3 year time period. He has neighborhood kids that he primarily plays with. Our other option for middle school is our neighborhood school. He would attend with neighbors and the social network would be much stronger. Here's the downside; the school doesn't offer any advanced classes. Basically the G/T program is a grade ahead so he would potentially repeat a lot of what he's taking now. We are having a tough time deciding which school to send him to. He is torn as well. He realizes that his academic needs are currently being met but would like to be able to ride his bike to school and hang out with his friends.
Any insight or suggestions on how we can figure this out would be much appreciated!
I have a daughter who is very advanced. If our district has it their way, she'll graduate at 17 with an associates degree. One day, she said to me "Mom, Why are they asking me to choose between being smart or having friends?". I told her if this is the way she feels to choose friends. 10 years from now, no one will care how old she was at graduation. It will only seem like so much bragging on past accomplishments. Our plan is to stall, stall and stall some more.
We chose to not let her be double promoted again into the 9th grade this year but there are no classes for her to take at the middle school so she's split between schools and one of her "classes" at the middle school is mentoring. She'll have a mentoring class for the next four years to take care of four classes. No matter what we do, she'll have enough credits to graduate at the end of the 11th grade when she's 16 so we're going to make sure she doesn't get one of her required courses until the next year.
IMO, socialization is more imortant than academics. No one cares how young you were at graduation 10 years after graduation and smart kids stay smart. I'd rather my dd start college at 17 than have an associates degree done at 17. She does not need to go through life sticking out like a sore thumb. My vote is the program that fits him socially. A big part of school is learning to get along with your peers. His peers are the people he will go out with and build whatever society his generation builds.
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