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My boyfriend is the product of an elite east coast all-male prep school, where he attended with other sons of well-connected, well-off, socially prominent families. He despised his high school years, feels he got very little out of it that he wouldn't have gotten elsewhere, found himself at a social disadvantage, disliked being around so many kids with way too much money at their disposal for drugs, booze, and the like, as he was never really the type, etc. The connections also meant nothing to or for him, as he left not only the city, but the state and eventually landed halfway across the country where nobody knows or cares who your dad is, who he knows, and where he golfs.
It's important if it's important to you. It might have mattered if he was staying in his home city/region, or if he was aspiring to anything for which such connections would have paved the way...but he followed a different path than the majority of his classmates (law, I-banking, medicine), and one that didn't require connections. He got into a quality private college after HS, but didn't enjoy it, and transferred into the SUNY system, from which he graduated. Then he hopped a bus to west Texas, with his belongings in a sack and became a National Park Service employee. Nobody had heard of his prep school there.
Freddy - I beg to differ. If through their classmates our families become close - spend time together - attend social functions, vacation together, the kids become close - the connection ensues. Of course if you cannot afford some of the things that come with the school - I agree - you just cant hang. Otherwise, I think there are connections to be made the question is - is it worth it.
In the more exclusive privates, as someone said, social class is more important. If you're not in that class, even if you're paying full tuition, your kids will be known as the "scholarship kids."
One thing to consider is the college advising that a private school provides. Most public schools can't match that- too many kids and too few counselors.
My follow-up question would be what are the benefits that you seek from these social connections?
I went to school with the children of Fortune 500 CEOs, lobbyists, politicians, and other high-profile professionals. I would never look to these people now to provide me anything specific other than their friendship. Because of the job fields I chose and the regions where my friends and I ended up living, no one was able to help set me up with a job. Also, because of nepotism concerns and strict HR standards, very few could have helped me get a job if they wanted. (Nor would I have felt comfortable asking.) In terms of the benefits of my "social connections," it boils down to one invite abroad and attendance at a few country club events. And if I'm feeling tacky I can say, "I went to school with so-and-so" at cocktail parties.
For the most part, those who are able to leverage the relationships they formed in private schools already had those relationships before attending private school. In many cases, the relationships were formed in their parents' or grandparents' generation.
On the other hand, I can easily enumerate the overall benefits of the quality of the education I received at a private school.
Connections? Um...nope. I don't even see my high school classmates, much less communicate with them. I received a superb education, however, enabling me to compete in a largely male world. Entering college I had four years of Latin, eight of French, had already gone through calculus and had read all the freshman reading list when I was in high school. It prepared me well for my chosen work. It's not about connections. It's about education.
Hi all. I have had a brief search on this topic but could not locate this issue. We are debating whether it is worth the cost to put our children in private schools (20K per year x 2 kids) to make the connections that may come about later in life from having friends who are well connected. Before anyone claims this is not so, I can tell you based on a few years in elementary school we have made friends with well positioned families. Some families we just didnt click with but others are now cherished friends. We moved to a great school system (the previous not so much) and have confidence in the public schools, so now if the education is comparable - is it worth the cost for social connections? I thought I was the only one who saw it this way until I mentioned it to a few co-workers and they raised the social connection as the reason for choosing private. I find it an interesting issue. Thoughts?
I would choose a Private School strictly for the "academic connections" not the "social connections." For several years, we had our kids in one of Chicago's more exclusive private schools. We then moved to a good public school system because I felt my kids needed a strong foundation in Math and Science (we were not getting this from our Classical Latin School though the school's language programs were superb).
If the academics of the private school better fit your child's needs - go for it. However, what specific "social connections" are you trying to make? "Social connections" and "cherished friends" are not the same... Cherished friends can come from all walks of life....
Why can you not make these connections outside of school?
Do you just want to rub elbows/converse with the well-heeled? To be invited to the prestigious Kentucky Derby Parties, Black & White Balls, Auctions, etc...? You can achieve this just by volunteering for some of the causes and being active in community groups. Reciprocity and donation are expected.
Do you want to secure future job connections for your child? As a business owner, I'd be reluctant to hire a friend's child. And what are the chances your child will even be working in the same area/industry as your well-connected friends? Will these people still be well-connected in the future economy?
As others have mentioned, everyone knows who the scholarship kids are. And, wealthy people can spot a social climber a mile away.... Again, for your child, I'd focus on top academics and developing success traits (e.g. leadership, risk-taking, hardwork, communication skills, etc) that will enable him to make his own successful connections...
FWIW - I attended a poorer, city school as a kid but excelled in academics. I had no connections. I founded a successful engineering company based on my own skills/education and the connections I made for myself. I believe most multi-millionaires today are self-made and didn't attend expensive private schools (read "The Millionaire Next Door").
I have nothing against attending private school for the academics. It's just that this whole "let's spend $20K to be a social climber" mentality seems so desperate... And so sad.
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