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I have lived in Europe going on fifteen years (with less local language fluency than you indicate you have), and no one has ever attached a positive or negative value to my Americaness. One reason for that may be that my life and interests are focused entirely on where I live now, America is what was when I was living there. I avoid the English-speaking enclave like a pesthole, and my local friends have spontaneously extended themselves to me in deeply helpful ways during several serious health problems. Nevertheless, I am a "foreigner".......but of course! I am a foreigner. I have no problem with this, and no local seems to.
I compare my experience with that of your posts, and I think immediately....leave! leave! leave! I would be past coping by now in the kind of "maladjusted" adjustment you are enduring. You seem to be in an expat bubble, your kids don't go to local schools, you seem to feel that being American is a bad brand where you are, etc, etc. If your kids are as unhappy as you and your husband as well, it must be a wretched existence for all of you.
It's not working for you, and where to point any finger of blame simply doesn't matter at this point. As someone else has said, happiness for you and your family should be a higher priority than the money.
Your situation has nothing to do with either Europe or the United States. It is the common situation of someone caught between two cultures, A and B, where A treats you as a member of B and vice versa. Once you're caught in this situation, there is no going back (particularly true for your daughter). What you (your daughter) can do is milk the situation for what it's worth and look on the bright side. Adaptability, the opportunity to learn several languages, the exposure to multiple cultures - these are things many people never achieve in their lives.
As someone who moved from a developing country to Canada and feels at home in neither, I have much larger cultural divides to contend with, and there are some days I question the concept of home. But at the end of the day, it has enriched my life.
EU is a rather diverse place. A lot depends on the location. I have been around expat wives for many years and learned to avoid them at all cost. They seem to cling to each other for support while comparing everything against "home" refusing to see any fault in themselves when locals do not welcome them with open arms.
Hardly Hungary... I doubt that everyone speaks English as a second language in Hungary. Maybe it's Denmark or something.
She said it's a difficult language to master. The Scandinavian langs. are a piece of cake. I'm guessing Finnish, unless she does find one of the Scandinavian langs. difficult. I actually met some great people in Finland, very friendly and fun, but maybe I was just lucky....?
She said it's a difficult language to master. The Scandinavian langs. are a piece of cake. I'm guessing Finnish, unless she does find one of the Scandinavian langs. difficult. I actually met some great people in Finland, very friendly and fun, but maybe I was just lucky....?
Some struggle more than others. Spoken Danish, for instance, can be quite hard to understand. Norway got many dialects that are quite different from the ones spoken in the Oslo region. I have yet to hear an adult foreigner master the Norwegian language fully. I think German (grammar) and French (pronunciation) seems quite difficult to learn.
She said it's a difficult language to master. The Scandinavian langs. are a piece of cake. I'm guessing Finnish, unless she does find one of the Scandinavian langs. difficult. I actually met some great people in Finland, very friendly and fun, but maybe I was just lucky....?
Nah, this doesn't sound like it:
Quote:
Originally Posted by fruitnut
First of all, let me assure you that I can speak husband's native tongue and without an "annoying" American accent all day long, it would be exhausting but I could do it.
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Not only that, we live FAR from the big capital or any major metropolitan city where you would commonly find multinationals. Locals keep what is for them, a comfortable distance from the international community. my husband is a local but even he himself is treated as an outsider! We did not intend to live like this, we are surprised at how we have been treated!
Finns can be reserved, but not infamous for "shutting out" anyone, especially its on citizens. We don't have many "international schools" either in rural areas, just Finnish schools.
OP, if we knew what country you live in, we would be able to give you better advice. We are from all over Europe on this forum.
The fact that you don't have a work permit even if your husband is an EU citizen is easily fixable. You just ask for one (at your local administrative office - depending on the country, it has a different name), as the spouse of an EU citizen and in a few months, you can work, too.
As an English native you could easily have a job tutoring, in a country where the majority of the population speaks English, it's a given that they must have learned the language somewhere. So, the demand exists.
I had to move out of my home country because of my husband's job, too. And I spent a year at home, going insane, because of some problems with my work permit. So, I understand you very well, but 6 years could drive anyone crazy. If you can't work, volunteer (that's what I did first), write a book, get out of your comfort zone and get over feeling sorry for yourself - I'm not trying to be harsh, but I know exactly how you feel, because I used to be the same.
I always thought about going back home and that's why I struggled so much with the idea of true integration. I understand that you might return to the US one day and the uncertainty is getting to you, but try to make the best out of what you have right now.
Also, you are obviously depressed - not talking about being sad and moddy, but about the fact that you are probably afected by some sort of depression disorder. Again, something similar happened to me, too, so that's why I'm suggesting this.
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