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The only thing I care about when it comes to my kids' shoes is that they can put them on fast when it's time to go somewhere. I don't generally buy the really cheap kind of flip flops, but everyone in the house has a pair of decent ones that they keep by the front door.
I can't get over that people wear flip-flops to work in the city (Manhattan). It's almost like being barefoot on streets that you know dogs and people have urinated and spit on. But that's their choice.
My daughter likes flip-flops, but she is grown now. I never could wear them. I don't understand how you get them to stay on your feet. I cannot wear any shoes or sandals with something holding them on to the back of my feet. You have to sort of shuffle and always be conscious of trying to keep your shoes on your feet. Too much effort--i just want to WALK without having to think about it.
We just compromised. At the store, we find a nice pair of what I call sandals (my wife called flip flops) that don't have the toe strap and are somewhat decorative. The other flip flops can be saved for the pool or perhaps will simply disappear one day when my daughter isn't looking.
I wear flip flops year round here in florida. I dont own any shoes except 1 pair of flip flops and 1 pair of vibrams. (yes, I am a woman and i own 2 pairs of shoes).
I've worn flip flops all year my whole life (except to school when I was a kid and except to go to work as an adult). I'm middle aged and have never had problems with my feet. But that may be because I'm lucky to have a decent foot structure to begin with.
Anyway, I agree with your wife about choosing your battles. Or you could compromise and say closed toed shoes/sandals with back straps for school/church and let them choose for the other times.
I resisted flip flops for a long time when my kids were little because they run, and would trip. Now that they're older, they wear them quite a bit. I never allow them if we'll be walking a lot, or to church.
I'm pretty anti-flip flop, so I guess I'm biased, to me they are made for wearing on the hot sand down to the beach, if that, and I especially hate them on a man, they look so "sissified" to me.
That being said, they are also a true safety issue. I worked at a major department store in a mall for many years. I can't tell you how many times we had to send a child to the security office during the summer for a band-aid or first aid treatment because they either got their feet stepped on or caught their "flop" on a fixture or something. Why would you want your child to walk in a crowded mall with so little protection on their feet, and what if a disaster occured and you had to react or vacate quickly? Sandals are a much better alternative to me, they are still cool, but at least they are closer to actually wearing shoes, and they look a lot better too.
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