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I am having horrible menopause. I had a complete hysterectomy because of years and years of severe pain during monthlies so I just wanted everything out. gone. see ya! adios! Now menopause is KICKING MY ASS. One hot flash? Can I be you, please?
Recently started year 2 of it. I'm lucky I - and anyone around me - have lived this long through it.
Yep, I had a complete hysterectomy at age 39 and had to get off hormones completely by age 45 due to an unusually high platelet count (giving me more of a risk for a stroke than was acceptable). So I've had no HRT now for nine years.
One hot flash - in the hospital. That was it. I mean, I had a few minor hot flushes over about a year or so, but nothing debilitating like I hear other women describe. I had absolutely zero mood swings. Honestly, there was nothing to it. I was amazed. I was expecting hell on earth to hear others talk.
As a man I am beginning to worry about my hair. People who know me would say "what are you complaining about? You have a FULL head of hair!"
The fact is: it is as thick as it used to be. It is thinning. Besides getting gray (the color is now 'salt & pepper) I noticed the hairline is receding as well.
Interesting hair is growing in places (like my ears and nose) where there was none before!
As a man I am beginning to worry about my hair. People who know me would say "what are you complaining about? You have a FULL head of hair!"
The fact is: it is as thick as it used to be. It is thinning. Besides getting gray (the color is now 'salt & pepper) I noticed the hairline is receding as well.
Interesting hair is growing in places (like my ears and nose) where there was none before!
Believe it or not, women care less about a head full of hair, and more about men keeping those weird hairs trimmed.
This is probably quite true. Physical concerns, such as mobility, are things that we are working more and more on, and finding more and more help for in science and medicine. So although these are very real concerns, we all notice, I'm sure, that they are in the overwhelming minority in this thread at least. They're there, but underrepresented as opposed to "looks"-type fears.
I don't think it's terrible to want to look *one's best*. But to shame any woman who doesn't look 25 any more...WTF? You can take care of yourself and your body and try to look your own lovely version of you, fine, but the extent to which women are expected to take this is ridiculous. There's no happy medium?
This may sound shallow, but although I think we women worry too MUCH about aging looks-wise, I feel men worry too LITTLE about it, at least by comparison, and I feel it's unfair that men are "allowed" to look "old." I wish men would try just a little harder to stay looking sexually appealing to us women. Some do, sure, but...let's be real and non-PC about this for just a second, bear with me. Women *overall* worry waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy more than men do and it's because *it's accepted* for men to be turned off by women even their own age past a certain point, and *it's also accepted* for men to look their ages. Yet we women are called shallow if we want to be physically as well as emotionally and intellectually turned on. It's taboo to admit we want to think the guy we're with is nice-looking...not 25, but nice-looking, and not our dad.
I told you it was shallow. But you know what? I may be old...but I still have a sex drive and I still like to look at a nice-looking man. He doesn't have to look 20 but it's kind of unfair that he hardly has to make an effort...v. me, a woman who's told she should be agonizing over every fine line and sag.
I don't fully buy that "it's biology", either. It's highly cultural - with patriarchy having dominated for a few thousand years, we women were supposed to take what we could get so we could eat and have a roof over our heads; hence, our idea of an attractive man is a lower bar than what men expect of women looks-wise. We women are not allowed to admit it, but we do have our physical preferences too. (Why TF do you think in the fairy tale, the handsome prince is always a handsome prince the princess's own age? Why do you think all the hot Fabios in romance novels are young-30-ish or late-20s Fabios? Why does the prom queen want the quarterback and not her dad's friend? Generally, anyway.) We're not ALL sunshine, rainbows and "inner beauty"-oriented. Throw us a bone - deal with the ear hair, use moisturizer and sunscreen and work out, fellas. Please. We love you for who you are inside, or we wouldn't be with you. BUT we wouldn't mind seeing nicely groomed hair in a contemporary cut, cute clothes, and a nice trim tummy to run our hands over just as you like a non-old-lady hairstyle and a body that's shapely, certainly for its amount of years on the planet, and non-old-lady clothes. (Generally. There will always be exceptions...)
Rant over and I realize that this sounds very un-womanly of me, since I dared act like a dude and admit I like to be turned on by what I'm looking at, oh noes. Somebody take away my woman card.
Unfortunately, there exists that "conditioning" for women as men are not continually told to "stay young" through advertisements and are seemingly accepted "as is", though they age and have skin, too. There is nothing regularly undermining their self-confidence. I noticed some years ago how men will have acting roles despite looks or age and the women paired with them will be younger and more attractive. I have seen actresses discuss this double standard and getting less work. I think the ordinary male viewer sees himself reflected in TV ads or sitcom characters. I think all of this contributes to males feeling more secure in themselves, even with any young boy desiring or winning over the most popular girl in school, but has this scenario been depicted for girls? We have seen how girls have become increasingly insecure, due to a projection upon perfection. (Uh-oh, can of worms was opened..)
Yes, I like to see a man care about his appearance at any age, too. (I will see those who have long, gray hair, dressed sloppily). For me, I was always drawn to guys my age or younger, while opportunities cease later on, considering how men at any age desire young women. So, if one is not already ensconced in a relationship, what are the chances for older women to meet men later in life? I guess I am more concerned now with just feeling good, being healthy .. still preparing myself outwardly to be amongst others.
Don't worry too much about menopause. Lots of women sail right through it. I had exactly one hot flash and no mood swings whatsoever. It's not a big deal for a lot of women.
And once you're past it, there are some distinct advantages.
Yes, I think there has just been negative expectations attached to it. From what I've seen reported, there can be different experiences due to various factors, but I was one who had it easy. It was over. Wheeee.
What's funny is all my life I've heard jokes about menopause and never gave any thought to it or really knew much about it. About a month ago I had the horrible realization that this is going to happen to me sooner or later. So I started researching and it struck some serious fear into me. Now I'm obsessed with it and scared to death. So it could go in any direction, I see. We need a cure.
"One hot flash - in the hospital. That was it. I mean, I had a few minor hot flushes over about a year or so, but nothing debilitating like I hear other women describe. I had absolutely zero mood swings. Honestly, there was nothing to it. I was amazed. I was expecting hell on earth to hear others talk."
This is highly variable from woman to woman. My mother never had even one hot flash, so I certainly wasn't expecting any, but mine turned out to be debilitating; around twenty a day and all night long (I couldn't sleep). I then learned that my paternal grandmother had DRENCHING hot flashes from menopause on to the end of her life. Apparently there's a hereditary component (just as the age of menopause can be predicted that way), and I took after the other side of the family. They aren't merely annoying and inconvenient; they actually make you -- or made me, anyway -- feel physically ill, and it's not just imaginary.
Hot flashes are awful and yet fascinating. I realized I was solidly in perimenopause when last month I had one in the middle of an ice skating rink. Until then I was in denial (but not too much - I mean, burning from WITHIN is unmistakable).
For me, stress will set them off, certain family issues, and spicy food. I love spicy food and will learn to deal with hot flashes.
I don't love perimenopause and was advised to use progesterone cream. Feel like I've aged 10 years in one year. But it is what it is so no sense in wasting a minute about wishing this weren't the case, I feel.
My point in saying that I sailed blithely through menopause was to point out to women who haven't gone through it yet that it is not necessarily something awful. For some women I'm sure it is, but for some women it simply isn't.
And after menopause I didn't feel particularly "aged," or fragile or whatever.
Menopause is a natural event and not something to fear or dread. Sure, it can be uncomfortable, but it's not a given that it's going to be uncomfortable.
And getting rid of periods and birth control and all that jazz is GREAT.
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