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According to Mark Twain, they do not regret anything they have done---only the things they did not do. So people who spend most of their lives working and buying, will have a great deal to regret.
So, then, is spending your life working and NOT buying going to somehow make it better? I don't think so. If you MUST WORK and most of us must, then what is the harm in spending so that your life is comfortable?
I don't want to be on my death bed and say....." Damn it. I wish I'd taken that cruise to Hawaii". What else is money FOR, if not to bring happiness?
I like what Dave Ramsey says about being frugal, "Live like no one else so that later you an live like no one else!". In other words the goal of living on a tight budget is to have no debts and to increase your wealth to the point that you can do whatever you want.
I'm very budget consciousness now so that later I can actually buy the vacations, the swimming pool and the Rolls Royce I want.
I doubt anyone on their death bed regrets anything they did or didn't do or have. Typically, those thoughts are a few months prior to dying. Anyway, whatever the situation, people probably express regret that they didn't see their loved ones more or things of this nature.
Most of the best times in life for me were when I had the least material good. The reason these were the best of times is that I had my youth and energy and zest for life and money or material had nothing to do with those years. Money and things only make me happy for a moment, then that feeling is gone. This led me to compulsive shopping for several years and there is no happiness in that.
These best days when my children were young and we were a family, money couldn't buy.
I doubt anyone on their death bed regrets anything they did or didn't do or have. Typically, those thoughts are a few months prior to dying. Anyway, whatever the situation, people probably express regret that they didn't see their loved ones more or things of this nature.
Most of the best times in life for me were when I had the least material good. The reason these were the best of times is that I had my youth and energy and zest for life and money or material had nothing to do with those years. Money and things only make me happy for a moment, then that feeling is gone. This led me to compulsive shopping for several years and there is no happiness in that.
These best days when my children were young and we were a family, money couldn't buy.
Perhaps that "having things" does not lead to [lasting] happiness, however, often NOT having things can lead to unhappiness. For instance, before I met my husband I had a bed. It cost me $135 new and when I met him, I had owned it for approximately six or seven years. It was not a comfortable bed at all, and often I woke up stiff and sore and not rested because I had been tossing and turning all night. When I Met my husband about seven years later, and we were married we decided to get a new bed - King size and it cost approximately $1200. (I was pretty horrified at the amount, but I didn't say anything). OMG what an incredible difference a good, comfortable bed made in my health, outlook, attitude EVERYTHING.
So, while you can say....."You had a bed, you didn't need a new one", which was my point of view for a long time. Getting a new bed improved the quality of my life dramatically. It did, in fact, make me happy!
I have never seen frugal as not purchasing things. I have always seen it as making choices on how you spend. By thinking about what you are spending, and if it's worth it, you make a choice, it's not impluse, it's not keeping up with anyone, it's not because someone else thinks you should, it's because it's what I want. For me, having canning jars makes me happy, having tv doesn't, thus I have canning jars and not tv. I chose to spend this way, and can live with my choices, without regret.
Previous to reading this book, I was deeply resentful of people who seemed to enjoy their money.
Really? I observe people like this and they always baffle me. This is no way to live, trust me. Resenting others for simply being is a sure way to live a miserable life. Yet, so many people seem to do this. Hmmm... sucks to be them, I guess.
My take on money is that if someone likes what they're doing with their money, I love it. If someone wants to spend all of their money on exotic butteflies and ponies and no food, cool. Enjoy. As long as you're not gouging or stealing from me, we're cool.
20yrsinBranson--I think you made some interesting points--I'm going to check out that book when I have a chance. I think the bottom line for me is to look at money as a tool, just like any other resource available to me--you can't be emotional about it. Unless you're in survival mode, the trick, for my family at least, is to have a clear sense of our priorities, set goals to meet those priorities (like saving for retirement, owning our home free and clear, and education), and then allow ourselves to enjoy the rest. I think we live simple, but comfortable lives. We never charge things, unless we can pay off the bill in full at the end of the month. When we do spend, we budget for it. We try to use money for things that will provide lots of enjoyment and memories, like a trip with our family, or things we'll all do together. We have a nice home, but we put in the sweat equity to make it nice, and we pulled it together on a budget. We have nice clothing, but we buy good quality, mix and match, classic clothing on sale, and wear it out. We eat healthy and well, but we do most of our cooking (and entertaining) at home. The bottom line is that we don't waste money or things--we try to use them strategically to improve the quality of our lives. Saving for savings sake isn't the end of the road--it's a way to get us to where we want to be, and that's it. Everyone has their own way of doing things, but it's a strategy that works for us. To each their own...everyone has different priorities.
For me, frugality is about making smart decisions. First, pay the things that have to do with survival. When that is achived, you have a roof and food and protection from cold and hot, then you move on to other things, and here is where the decisions come in. I don't have a problem with "toys" if the toys will provide genuine enjoyment. And you must remember they are toys. They come after the stuff that keeps life puttering along. But if a nice tv makes you happy, you watch and use and enjoy it, save up and get one. If you want it because other people have one, or because you can afford it but hardly ever watch tv, then maybe find something that will. Or somethings. We all have our own defination of what that is. I am currently buying books off Amazon. I made a list of the books from my library that I miss enough to remember the names and am getting new copies. I have very much enjoyed reading them again too. For me that is a wonderful use of money (especially when you find a hardback with dustcover for 1.50). For some it is useless. Each has his/her own defination.
What we buy should have *value* to us, even if it doesn't to anyone else. A great bed, a nice tv, a good book collection, a beautiful chair, any of these can have meaning to us individually. Or an old battered table thats just what we wanted after we fix it up. Its not the dollar value that makes it valuable to the one who chooses it. Its the intangables.
And we need to always remember that tomorrow we could be hit by a metior from the sky. Have we allowed ourselves the pleasure of making life satisfying so we have no regrets? This might mean budgeting that vacaation back to see family you miss. It might mean taking the kids out for something cheap and fun and sharing the *time*, instead of doing something else. It might mean persuing a hobby just because it makes you feel complete. But we need these things too. They balance out the stressful parts and give us a place inside where we can retreat when its too much. And when all is said and done, they are what we cherish over all the rest.
So, in short to me its making the choices that make us happy and connected and gathering around us things which contribute to that happiness and satisfaction.
Perhaps that "having things" does not lead to [lasting] happiness, however, often NOT having things can lead to unhappiness. For instance, before I met my husband I had a bed. It cost me $135 new and when I met him, I had owned it for approximately six or seven years. It was not a comfortable bed at all, and often I woke up stiff and sore and not rested because I had been tossing and turning all night. When I Met my husband about seven years later, and we were married we decided to get a new bed - King size and it cost approximately $1200. (I was pretty horrified at the amount, but I didn't say anything). OMG what an incredible difference a good, comfortable bed made in my health, outlook, attitude EVERYTHING.
So, while you can say....."You had a bed, you didn't need a new one", which was my point of view for a long time. Getting a new bed improved the quality of my life dramatically. It did, in fact, make me happy!
20yrsinBranson
I'd say the whole thing is about the concept of moderation. Having a certain amount of money definitely does bring happiness.....up to a point. Psychologists and economists have found that once a household hits about $40K per year, having more income only increases happines by tiny amounts. Having a certain amount of things does the same....up to a point. Having savings and investments can also reduce stress and bring peace of mind....but it's also possible to obsess over one's savings and investments, too. Researchers have found that having large debts increases risk of depression.
So, this is always a tricky concept. Most people spend money on stuff that doesn't really bring them satisfaction. Psychologists and economists who study money and happines generally find that fancy cars, jewelry, expensive clothes & other "bling" don't make people happy, and probably contribute to unhappiness, especially if bought on credit.
However, travel & other experiences, and small but regular or semi-regular splurges spent to enhance relationships (like going out for coffee or lunch with friends) generally does increase happiness.
Your bed example is another good example. A crappy $135 bed is going to take away from your sense of well being in the same way that a car that doesn't run well will do. However, it's possible to go over the top with any item. A Rolls Royce is not going to make your happier than a reliable Toyota Camry. A $2400 bed would probably not have made you happier than your $1200 bed....although your $1200 bed definitely did make you happier than your $135 bed.
In general, it's probably best to buy consumer items that are a notch or two above the "cheapest" (e.g....buying clothes on sale at JC Penney, Macy's, or Kohl's is probably better than buying at WalMart or Target). Of course, there are exceptions to every rule and there's always a certain amount of room for individual tastes and needs, so it always takes some discernment. If someone can easily afford to pay cash for clothes at Neiman Marcus or Nordstrom, then that may be fine. But very few people can afford to both live rich and be rich at the same time.
I also find it's the same thing with savings. When I absolutely tried to save every penny I could (which was about 1/3 of my income), I was making myself unhappy. However, the solution was not to go the opposite extreme and run up my credit cards.....Loosening up and saving only 20% made me happier and yet it is still a healthy rate of savings.
Like a lot of things, balancing frugality and happiness is part art, part science. It also requires a periodic review. E.G.,At one point, I was perfectly happy to rent a room so that I could save money on rent to pay down debts and save money. But the problem I had was I failed to recognize when this living arrangement wasn't appropriate for me any more, and that going out to get my own apartment was something I needed to do for myself (and this was something I could afford to do).
Last edited by mysticaltyger; 09-08-2010 at 10:46 PM..
Perhaps that "having things" does not lead to [lasting] happiness, however, often NOT having things can lead to unhappiness. For instance, before I met my husband I had a bed. It cost me $135 new and when I met him, I had owned it for approximately six or seven years. It was not a comfortable bed at all, and often I woke up stiff and sore and not rested because I had been tossing and turning all night. When I Met my husband about seven years later, and we were married we decided to get a new bed - King size and it cost approximately $1200. (I was pretty horrified at the amount, but I didn't say anything). OMG what an incredible difference a good, comfortable bed made in my health, outlook, attitude EVERYTHING.
So, while you can say....."You had a bed, you didn't need a new one", which was my point of view for a long time. Getting a new bed improved the quality of my life dramatically. It did, in fact, make me happy!
20yrsinBranson
I didn't mean to imply that people don't need anything. I needed a vacuum cleaner to make my life better...and I got one. I mean to say living without all the great things money can buy can be some of the best days of life.
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