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Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
34,712 posts, read 58,054,000 times
Reputation: 46182
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specify "Handmade or heirloom gifts". There are a lot of cool antique toys at thrift and second hand shops.
I like to give old fashioned puzzles to kids, and made many for mine. Instead of legos, I built ornate wooden block sets with lots of interesting shapes. (You can get scraps from a furniture builder).
Spending a Christmas in Europe was very good for calibrating my kids 'expectations'. We spent a LOT of time in really neat toy shops and at rural toymakers.
My kids ONCE said, "gosh, all my friends have Nintendo....", my response... "I hope you enjoy that, or you need to find some new friends, cuz we are not getting a TV..."
"Ole-- school children's books" are great collectibles too. (and can be had CHEAP)
You made it sound as if these kids are subjected to unspeakable tortures. "How cruel!". Your words, not mine.
Never mind that I NEVER so far denied them ANY gift - but I would love to find ways to curb the number of presents they receive from now on.
If you think this is "cruelty", you have an opinion that needs to be placed under a huge and very powerful microscope so you can take a closer, more honest look at it.
We can certainly all have our opinions, but don't think that throwing any craziness out there comes without judgement.
Crazy opinions will get crazy reactions.
And by the way, I asked about ideas to replace 20$-worth of plastic gift giving - not assessments of my parenting skills.
You said your children do pick up but they don't do a spotless job, have to laugh. You said they are 4 and 6. Good grief. Be happy they are helping you clean up their toys
When there are lots of toys around, "spotless" is used rather metaphorically and it is obviously a huge overstatement.
Bottom line is that when they have lots of toys, picking up anything looks very daunting and overwhelming to them and creates whining, resistance and ultimately conflict simply because they don't want to do it.
Honestly, I wouldn't either if I had to deal with so many toys as a kid.
So I understand it is hard for them.
But they don't understand the equation "you took all this out = you put all this back in by yourself, just like you took it out".
They understand "Taking out = easy+ fun".
"Putting away = not so much".
I, personally, am in no condition to pick up mountains of toys after them every day, even if they're only 4 and 6. I don't have this kind of time as I work full-time as well as cook from scratch - these two being aspects we consider vital to the well-being of our family.
Besides, even if they pick something up, the mess is all over again before you know it- because they take them out again.
They have a play room that is all theirs, with more than enough toys in it - but I like to keep the kitchen and the living area toy-free. I don't believe in turning the entire house into kid territory, even if they are small.
This is why I always keep a part of their toys in the storage are in the back of the garage...but they can access that area too and they often go and dig up some more; and before I know it, tons of clutter is all over the house again.
The said area cannot be locked and I can't police them every step of the way.
I think the wisest, most responsible and most beneficial (for many, not just for them) solution is to try to simplify their life and significantly reduce the number of toys they receive in the first place.
I think that using some tricks to hide some of the packages right away upon receiving is a good idea. We'll see how we can implement it.
They may not be as excited to see there are few packages to open...but slowly, they must get used to less of a plastic feast, I think.
Yes; the question is how do you explain to various guests that you are the "frugal", environmentally-conscious, non-materialistic ...actually, excuse me, counter-materialistic type (to be read "not like MOST of them in that respect") and that you'd rather not pile up 10-20 $ plastic toys in your house all over the place? How do you do that without being downright insulting and obnoxious?
You can't.
People are nice and unassuming and they will bring a 20$ gift (not a contribution to some goal you have in mind) and that will be the end of it. It might work to tell family what you REALLY want - though there's no guarantee even with those - but you can't tell less close guests the same thing.
If I were the parent trying to pick out a gift, I would consider it important to know what the parents of the child receiving the gift wanted them to have or not have, and I would rather be told than to have to guess.
Also, I know it is considered the norm these days, and totally accepted by most, but I personally think it is pretty out of line for people to buy presents for someone else's kid in the first place without running it past the parents. I think the entire convention of birthday parties with gifts expected from people who are not immediate family, or close family friends, is a product of our materialistic society.
For the person who said that this was denying the child the chance to receive gifts and was a cruel thing to do, I contend that teaching the child that the material gift is more important than the thought that went into it is even more cruel in the long run. Which is better for the child's well being? One nice gift that was well thought out by the parents and which the child appreciates and uses for years, or 20 junk gifts that the kid gets more pleasure from ripping the paper off than they ever get from the present itself?
Location: Chapel Hill, NC, formerly NoVA and Phila
9,779 posts, read 15,790,796 times
Reputation: 10886
If a parent asks what a child wants, give them some ideas that work for your family.
--One idea is an "experience." "Oh, we have so many things, but I know she loves to go to the movies - how about a movie ticket?" Or, she loves ice cream, how about a gift card to the ice cream shop? A manicure, a zoo ticket, McDonald's certificates, etc.
--Another idea is just to name a store that she likes. "Oh she loves Target." Lots of times people will give a gift card to a store. It could be used for useful things the child needs such as a pretty nightgown, new bathing suit, etc. Or suggest something useful. "She loves cute socks." Or, "She can really use new markers and paper."
--Books. Books never go out of style. If they are duplicates, you can exchange them.
--Last, don't let her open the presents after she unwraps them. Tell her, in advance of the party that she can choose 3 (or 5, whatever) gifts that she wants to keep, and that you will exchange the rest. If they are not exchangeable, use them for Toys for Tots.
But, don't give suggestions to someone unless they ask!
If a parent asks what a child wants, give them some ideas that work for your family.
--One idea is an "experience." "Oh, we have so many things, but I know she loves to go to the movies - how about a movie ticket?" Or, she loves ice cream, how about a gift card to the ice cream shop? A manicure, a zoo ticket, McDonald's certificates, etc.
--Another idea is just to name a store that she likes. "Oh she loves Target." Lots of times people will give a gift card to a store. It could be used for useful things the child needs such as a pretty nightgown, new bathing suit, etc. Or suggest something useful. "She loves cute socks." Or, "She can really use new markers and paper."
--Books. Books never go out of style. If they are duplicates, you can exchange them.
--Last, don't let her open the presents after she unwraps them. Tell her, in advance of the party that she can choose 3 (or 5, whatever) gifts that she wants to keep, and that you will exchange the rest. If they are not exchangeable, use them for Toys for Tots.
But, don't give suggestions to someone unless they ask!
Good suggestions. Only thing is, they were posted about three pages back. And rejected by the OP. And she did ask for suggestions but none of them seem to be suitable, since the OP states that she has already thought of this. I conclude that she doesn't want suggestions for gifts other than a sackful of plastic. I think she wants somebody to tell her that it's okay to ask for the cash.
When there are lots of toys around, "spotless" is used rather metaphorically and it is obviously a huge overstatement.
Bottom line is that when they have lots of toys, picking up anything looks very daunting and overwhelming to them and creates whining, resistance and ultimately conflict simply because they don't want to do it.
Honestly, I wouldn't either if I had to deal with so many toys as a kid.
So I understand it is hard for them.
But they don't understand the equation "you took all this out = you put all this back in by yourself, just like you took it out".
They understand "Taking out = easy+ fun".
"Putting away = not so much".
I, personally, am in no condition to pick up mountains of toys after them every day, even if they're only 4 and 6. I don't have this kind of time as I work full-time as well as cook from scratch - these two being aspects we consider vital to the well-being of our family.
Besides, even if they pick something up, the mess is all over again before you know it- because they take them out again.
They have a play room that is all theirs, with more than enough toys in it - but I like to keep the kitchen and the living area toy-free. I don't believe in turning the entire house into kid territory, even if they are small.
This is why I always keep a part of their toys in the storage are in the back of the garage...but they can access that area too and they often go and dig up some more; and before I know it, tons of clutter is all over the house again.
The said area cannot be locked and I can't police them every step of the way.
I think the wisest, most responsible and most beneficial (for many, not just for them) solution is to try to simplify their life and significantly reduce the number of toys they receive in the first place.
I think that using some tricks to hide some of the packages right away upon receiving is a good idea. We'll see how we can implement it.
They may not be as excited to see there are few packages to open...but slowly, they must get used to less of a plastic feast, I think.
There really is an easy solution to this. Explain to them the rules. Toys left out will be thrown away. And then act on that. You would be amazed how fast they learn.
If I were the parent trying to pick out a gift, I would consider it important to know what the parents of the child receiving the gift wanted them to have or not have, and I would rather be told than to have to guess.
Also, I know it is considered the norm these days, and totally accepted by most, but I personally think it is pretty out of line for people to buy presents for someone else's kid in the first place without running it past the parents. I think the entire convention of birthday parties with gifts expected from people who are not immediate family, or close family friends, is a product of our materialistic society.
For the person who said that this was denying the child the chance to receive gifts and was a cruel thing to do, I contend that teaching the child that the material gift is more important than the thought that went into it is even more cruel in the long run. Which is better for the child's well being? One nice gift that was well thought out by the parents and which the child appreciates and uses for years, or 20 junk gifts that the kid gets more pleasure from ripping the paper off than they ever get from the present itself?
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