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Not everyone enjoys confrontation and harassment. It has nothing to do with growing up. You can be extremely mature, and still not like to be in unpleasant surroundings, lol. Those pixels on the screen are just as real as the idiot in the parking lot who calls you a jerk.
I don't think you have to enjoy harassment and confrontation. If you stop participating in a public forum because people disagree with you, then I'd say you really are better off. The Internet is a rough place and MAYBE I could see it if for example his life was threatened. But to leave simply because of a differing opinion, or because someone called you a name is a character flaw in my opinion. Weak people deny themselves of something they enjoy simply because they were called a name. This isn't kindergarten where your whole world is crushed because Jimmy said I smelled bad. If you (not you specifically) can't separate your online persona and feelings from that of your real life persona, then I would say you also have issues. Again, my opinion and not aimed at anyone in particular. When someone calls me a jerk online it is extremely different than if they did it in a parking lot and I know the difference, as do my kids. Anyone who doesn't or can't is in for a rough ride.
I'm not usually on this part of CD, but I know that some posters can be condescending and downright nasty in the guise of being "helpful." Everything is all well and good but hyperbole and sometimes complete misinformation be damned, no one better disagree with them or they will become not only defensive but spiteful and unrelenting. And they do this in other parts of the forum besides the "Garden" forum. And maybe, after so many years of dealing with some great informative posts but also laced with bizarre, vengeful posts, and unwavering resentment some folks might have stuck up for themselves, including maybe a moderator. This might have sent this poster packing since she realized she could no longer bully people.
Maybe something like that happened.
And maybe this person was so very talented in manipulating people to the point where she worked someone up so much that they marched home and started a thread about said subject.
And I think that is sad because there are people truly suffering in this world and one's time could be better spent if one really wanted to be helpful.
I know that I've been on CD since 2006 and I think it is a great forum but there are times that the hairs on the back of my neck stand up when I see the behavior of a few. Anonymity has its place but it can be chilling.
I've been on CD for several years and at least 4 times I've seen very generous and knowledgeable people run off by snarky comments. Glad to say I haven't seen it so far this growing season.
There was a man who managed a big box nursery department and he was so helpful. I like to look up his old posts. And he was mostly self taught. he was run off.
There was a man who knew so much about trees especially and he did a lot of volunteer work with ridding nuisance trees from land. He got into it about mimosa and sweet gum trees and got really mad at those who insisted they were pretty, and they would plant them no matter what harm they did. he gave up in disgust and took his considerable knowledge elsewhere.
There was a woman who took incredible time and energy to look up questions and post lots of links to back her posts. I marveled at her experience and willingness to share. Somebody on here called her a know it all and other snarky things. She has not been back in many months and i doubt she will ever be back,
So be sure to thank those who take the time and energy to share what they have learned either through formal education or experience. Many times we are getting information we should be paying big bucks for.
I've been on CD for several years and at least 4 times I've seen very generous and knowledgeable people run off by snarky comments.
Some people on CD have nothing better to do than be rude because they think it is their "right" the mods are not smart enough to just ban certain people that have a history of this. There are those I would punch in the face if I ever saw them in person but for every one of them there are 1000 that are constructive contributors. It's just that only the real idiots stick out and that would apply to the internet in general, it's easy to be brave from the safety of your computer.
I don't think you have to enjoy harassment and confrontation. If you stop participating in a public forum because people disagree with you, then I'd say you really are better off. The Internet is a rough place and MAYBE I could see it if for example his life was threatened. But to leave simply because of a differing opinion, or because someone called you a name is a character flaw in my opinion. Weak people deny themselves of something they enjoy simply because they were called a name. This isn't kindergarten where your whole world is crushed because Jimmy said I smelled bad. If you (not you specifically) can't separate your online persona and feelings from that of your real life persona, then I would say you also have issues. Again, my opinion and not aimed at anyone in particular. When someone calls me a jerk online it is extremely different than if they did it in a parking lot and I know the difference, as do my kids. Anyone who doesn't or can't is in for a rough ride.
I don't understand the concept that just because you aren't face to face with someone that you have free rein to be obnoxious and insulting and that the person on the receiving end should just suck it up. I wish more people realized that they're interacting with real people with real thoughts and feelings and not automatons when they are online. Just because you can't see their face is no reason to be a grade A a-hole to them and if you are like that online, it speaks volumes of the person you really are, and why should someone put up with it if they don't have to? This isn't roleplaying where you need to separate your persona. It's real interaction and conversation with other real people.
People participate on forums because it's enjoyable and they get something out of it, and they do it of their own free will. If they stop participating when it ceases to be enjoyable, they're the smarter ones to have decided to invest their time and efforts more wisely. Disagreements and differing opinions aren't what turn people off and push thrm away. It's rude, insulting and obnoxious attitudes.
Wow. J&Em was one of the few reasons I used this forum and I miss her knowledge and kindness very much. I never, not in one single post of hers, saw her as rude or condescending. In fact, the very opposite. I often found myself wondering how she maintained composure at times and HOW she managed to diplomatically steer someone in the right direction. I also miss Tina very much. Her posts were always funny, passionate and knowledgeable.
I've participated in many garden forums over the years and never saw the confrontational style of posting that you see in so many other areas of the internet.
Wow, I check back in on a rare occasion, and this is the first thread I read. Thank you, Vectoris.
Maybe I'm back, maybe not. Maybe occasionally. But gardeners who are intractable in their willingness to believe old wives' tales and absolute Jerry-Baker hogwash are dangerous because they spread terrible advice. Those aren't the people who get scolded by moderators, but they should be. This is science, not a collection of opinions about what works and what doesn't.
I don't care about snark. It's bad info that is a problem on internet forums, and there is a whole lot of it. At some point, it becomes impossible to politely tell the horticultural pseudoscientists that they're just full of B.S.
I don't understand the concept that just because you aren't face to face with someone that you have free rein to be obnoxious and insulting and that the person on the receiving end should just suck it up. I wish more people realized that they're interacting with real people with real thoughts and feelings and not automatons when they are online. Just because you can't see their face is no reason to be a grade A a-hole to them and if you are like that online, it speaks volumes of the person you really are, and why should someone put up with it if they don't have to? This isn't roleplaying where you need to separate your persona. It's real interaction and conversation with other real people.
People participate on forums because it's enjoyable and they get something out of it, and they do it of their own free will. If they stop participating when it ceases to be enjoyable, they're the smarter ones to have decided to invest their time and efforts more wisely. Disagreements and differing opinions aren't what turn people off and push thrm away. It's rude, insulting and obnoxious attitudes.
Some very important points. When people say "develop a thick skin" I think they are saying they have the right to diminish others and that right supersedes common societal rules of respect and good manners.
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