Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
There are 2 uncles. Both uncles were in the same place at the same time and are around the same age. I hope she is able to figure it out.
This was a decision that you had to make.
My personal opinion.. You made the right one. You've, hopefully, helped clear up at least a part of a mystery for someone.
You can't control whether or not they'll have any contact, what happens from there. But at the end of the day.. They have more information than they did previously.
My mother was adopted and she didn't have a problem with me finding her birth parents.. Which I did. both are deceased by about 10 years.. The technology just came along a little too late. But.. I have a friendly relationship with the daughter of one of her half sisters. Plan to meet them sometime. They live down in the south Florida area. Was going to do it last summer, but.. Covid.
Mother didn't want to know anything I found out.. And I haven't told her. She's... Bitter. and.. While I don't understand that, she had great adoptive parents so in my eyes, she should be thankful they gave her up.. She apparently has some strong abandonment issues about it. And, I wasn't adopted, so, not only do I not understand it.. Don't think I can. SO.. I respect it and haven't told her anything. Though the birth family really would like to meet her. Have to keep telling them that's not going to happen.
My personal opinion.. You made the right one. You've, hopefully, helped clear up at least a part of a mystery for someone.
You can't control whether or not they'll have any contact, what happens from there. But at the end of the day.. They have more information than they did previously.
My mother was adopted and she didn't have a problem with me finding her birth parents.. Which I did. both are deceased by about 10 years.. The technology just came along a little too late. But.. I have a friendly relationship with the daughter of one of her half sisters. Plan to meet them sometime. They live down in the south Florida area. Was going to do it last summer, but.. Covid.
Mother didn't want to know anything I found out.. And I haven't told her. She's... Bitter. and.. While I don't understand that, she had great adoptive parents so in my eyes, she should be thankful they gave her up.. She apparently has some strong abandonment issues about it. And, I wasn't adopted, so, not only do I not understand it.. Don't think I can. SO.. I respect it and haven't told her anything. Though the birth family really would like to meet her. Have to keep telling them that's not going to happen.
It's not for us to judge if we haven't been through the same situation and she is entitled to feel the way she does, whether it would be our way or not. We/you can't know what transpired in her life, that you are not privy to, that caused her to feel this way.
I have a tendency to pass judgement on things because I think I am so smart but I have to smack myself in the face every once in a while to remind myself I don't know everything......
I was asked by a friend to help track down a 1/2 sister that wasn't known until his dad died and he looked over his personal papers.
We found the sister, they got into contact, then he got really cold feet and wouldn't point out the 1400cM+ cM match meant they were not "Close family - first cousins" as Ancestry generically calls that category, they were 1/2 sibs. The other person was even sending signals like unlocking her account so he could see it after he tested, saying things like "I had an interesting childhood" and "it looks like we share close relatives on your dad's side." he didn't allow that door to be opened by asking what she meant. It ended when he promised to give her the names of his 4 grandparents to try and track down their shared ancestor then never replied back.
In the end, I don't know for sure, but strongly suspect this other person knew who she had found, her messages were full of invitations to ask more questions and share stories, and he crapped out and refused to even engage in small talk to see if either of them would broach the subject.
To be blunt, I was upset about it. I couldn't understand why he would go looking for this person, find her, then go silent and disappear. If she did know she had found her 1/2 brother, she is living with knowing that he either chose to ignore her, or closed the door so fast she couldn't feel out what he knew and suspected about their genetic relationship.
Last edited by westsideboy; 02-09-2021 at 06:08 PM..
You should contact that uncle and give him the info, then it's in his hands whether he contacts her. if he wanted DNA relatives hunting him down he would have joined the site himself.
I would have told her they aren't nice people, and why. Then I would say that if she still wanted to proceed I would pass along a letter with her contact information and leave it up to the uncle(s) as to whether or not they wanted contact.
You should contact that uncle and give him the info, then it's in his hands whether he contacts her. if he wanted DNA relatives hunting him down he would have joined the site himself.
Yeah, unless there was a rare bone marrow, etc. needed then let things be. Geez, why couldn't I been born an orphan.
I was asked by a friend to help track down a 1/2 sister that wasn't known until his dad died and he looked over his personal papers.
We found the sister, they got into contact, then he got really cold feet and wouldn't point out the 1400cM+ cM match meant they were not "Close family - first cousins" as Ancestry generically calls that category, they were 1/2 sibs. The other person was even sending signals like unlocking her account so he could see it after he tested, saying things like "I had an interesting childhood" and "it looks like we share close relatives on your dad's side." he didn't allow that door to be opened by asking what she meant. It ended when he promised to give her the names of his 4 grandparents to try and track down their shared ancestor then never replied back.
In the end, I don't know for sure, but strongly suspect this other person knew who she had found, her messages were full of invitations to ask more questions and share stories, and he crapped out and refused to even engage in small talk to see if either of them would broach the subject.
To be blunt, I was upset about it. I couldn't understand why he would go looking for this person, find her, then go silent and disappear. If she did know she had found her 1/2 brother, she is living with knowing that he either chose to ignore her, or closed the door so fast she couldn't feel out what he knew and suspected about their genetic relationship.
Could he have worries about inheritance issues? In some states, a biological child could have a claim on assets of a bio parent unless they were legally adopted by another family. Depends on how the will is written, etc.
I would have given the info to the Uncle and let them decide. Although, suspected, my wife just confirmed her brother is actually her half-brother. They both did Ancestry DNA tests. Even though, she is now curious, she also doesn't want to turn another family's life upside down if they don't want to "know".
When faced with the knowledge it rocks your world a bit. Not everyone is prepared for that or wants that. These DNA tests are having lots of unintended consequences.
The exact same thing happened to me, but it had a happy outcome. My only concern was how my 93 year old aunt would take the news.
A woman showed up on my ancestry dna results as a cousin. I had never heard of her, and I knew who all my first cousins were. She direct messaged me and asked me about 2 names. One name meant nothing to me, but the other name was my uncle (mother’s brother). I told her this.
She was raised with 5 siblings who looked nothing like her, and she always felt like something wasn’t right. After she got the results, she confronted her elderly mother, who confirmed that her father was my uncle. My uncle died in 2004, but his sister is 93 and alive and well. She was absolutely delighted to meet the new niece, who is a lovely person with a beautiful family. My cousin wanted the connection so badly that she and her husband flew from Utah to the east coast to visit our aunt, despite the pandemic.
Out of respect for her mother, my cousin hasn’t told her siblings, but she has told her children.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
