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Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
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A 1st cousin, once removed, contacted me looking for his biological father. Based on our other connections, he thinks he may have been fathered by one of my uncles. I have the missing surname this person needs. Should I give it to him?
I do not have any contact with these uncles or that part of my family. They are not nice people.
hell yes, and I did, a lady wrote me asking about a name. didnt have any information about her father. turn out, he was my first cousin. gave her address and phone number
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
4,640 posts, read 11,930,296 times
Reputation: 9885
Quote:
Originally Posted by aries63
If he was fathered by one of your uncles, he'd be your 1st cousin (not once removed). Unless you have half uncles. How much DNA do you share?
ugggh, you're right. I left out a piece of information: the person contacting me is this man's adult daughter. She is helping her dad (who is not on 23andme) find his birth father.
So, the daughter is on 23 and me, she came up as a 1st cousin, once-removed in relation to me. Plus, we share alot of other relatives that narrow it down pretty good for me. Not so much for the searchers.
Reverse the situation... Pretend you signed up on 23 & me for the sole reason of helping your dad find his biological parent. Assume he is sick and/or old and perhaps does not have long to live. Assume further that you found THE match, the one that holds the key to putting his mind at rest, but your contact is silent and ignoring efforts to establish contact. "Do unto others..."
ugggh, you're right. I left out a piece of information: the person contacting me is this man's adult daughter. She is helping her dad (who is not on 23andme) find his birth father.
So, the daughter is on 23 and me, she came up as a 1st cousin, once-removed in relation to me. Plus, we share alot of other relatives that narrow it down pretty good for me. Not so much for the searchers.
Thanks for the clarification. Then I would absolutely tell her the names of your uncles-- how many are there? Since you have more than one, you can't know which one it was so the burden of proof will be on her. You have nothing to lose and she has something to gain. Maybe she can place one of your uncles in the same place and at the right time and right age to have been her father's biological father. You can ask her to keep the information confidential. She may be able to piece it together eventually anyway without your help, but you can save her some time by sharing the information.
There are 2 uncles. Both uncles were in the same place at the same time and are around the same age. I hope she is able to figure it out.
To be able to narrow her search down to two people, from potentially thousands of unknown men, is a huge feat. Good for you and her! She may not be able to pick the right one unless a child of one of the two suspects is tested.
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