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Back to the topic of Christmas gift DNA kits, I am noticing a small increase in new matches from likely gift tests, the closest so far being a 2nd cousin I already know about.
I agree with you, but apparently there are a lot of people whose selfish curiosity outweighs their concern for anyone else's situation and the harm that could be caused by certain information being made known through a DNA test.
It's not "curiosity" - people have a right to know their own biological parentage.
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It's not hard to think of situations where a DNA test could cause extreme disruption to several families and destroy relationships between numerous family members, spouses, children, parents, siblings, etc.
Not taking the DNA test doesn't make the reality of the situation untrue though. Whatever happened already happened. People deserve to know their own personal truths. The fact that you call it a "curiosity" just proves you have no clue how important this is to some people.
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Originally Posted by thinkalot
Or it could be because of the selfish behavior of the ones that lived a life of dishonesty. I'm not supposed to know my family history because of a relative's past behavior? If someone finds out they have a half sibling they did not know about the blame is on the unfaithful parent, certainly not on me.
If everyone would just stop blaming people and calling them selfish all around, maybe these discoveries wouldn't be such a big deal. While do I think people deserve to know about stuff like this, let's keep in mind that the "unfaithful parent" could have raped, or their spouse could have been abusive and they sought refuge in someone else's arms, or their spouse cheated on them first, or maybe the child was born before the mother married and her spouse adopted the child but the child was never told. We should not make assumptions and judge people unless we are sure we know the full situation.
DNA tests can also dig up closely guarded family secrets, such as an affair or an artificial insemination. And sudden discovery of a health condition can require new medical care — or the realization that there may not be a cure.
Receiving unexpected DNA test results can lead to a mental health crisis for many people...
I agree with you, but apparently there are a lot of people whose selfish curiosity outweighs their concern for anyone else's situation and the harm that could be caused by certain information being made known through a DNA test.
It's not hard to think of situations where a DNA test could cause extreme disruption to several families and destroy relationships between numerous family members, spouses, children, parents, siblings, etc.
Certainly, people should ask themselves if they’re prepared for the possibility that they might uncover unpleasant truths, but those who decide to take that leap are not being “selfish,” as they have the right to make that choice for themselves.
Anyone whose web of deceit has unraveled as a result of an ancestral DNA test is experiencing their just desserts.
I’m very satisfied with my 23andMe test. No, I didn’t uncover any drama that upended my life, but it was interesting to find out things like one of my great-great-uncles is likely the true father of my predicted first cousin twice removed. This was something I figured out when I connected with this person and we started exploring how we might be related. I don’t think she quite understood—not because she was angry or in denial—but because while she’s a nice enough lady, she seems dumber than a bag of rocks.
23andMe is especially helpful for American Jews of turn-of-the-20th-century Ashkenazi immigrant stock with genealogical interests. When you have a great-great-grandparent named something like Sarah Cohen or Jacob Levy, and you only know they were born in “Russia” in the later 1800s, good luck finding out anything else. 23andMe, in connection with other genealogical research, has helped tear down some of those brick walls.
Certainly, people should ask themselves if they’re prepared for the possibility that they might uncover unpleasant truths, but those who decide to take that leap are not being “selfish,” as they have the right to make that choice for themselves.
Anyone whose web of deceit has unraveled as a result of an ancestral DNA test is experiencing their just desserts.
I’m very satisfied with my 23andMe test. No, I didn’t uncover any drama that upended my life, but it was interesting to find out things like one of my great-great-uncles is likely the true father of my predicted first cousin twice removed. This was something I figured out when I connected with this person and we started exploring how we might be related. I don’t think she quite understood—not because she was angry or in denial—but because while she’s a nice enough lady, she seems dumber than a bag of rocks.
23andMe is especially helpful for American Jews of turn-of-the-20th-century Ashkenazi immigrant stock with genealogical interests. When you have a great-great-grandparent named something like Sarah Cohen or Jacob Levy, and you only know they were born in “Russia” in the later 1800s, good luck finding out anything else. 23andMe, in connection with other genealogical research, has helped tear down some of those brick walls.
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"Anyone whose web of deceit has unraveled as a result of an ancestral DNA test is experiencing their just desserts."
So then, an unwed mother who, at age 17, gave her child up to a family who would love, care for, and provide for the child much better than she could ever do due to her lack of money, lack of education, and lack of a spouse deserves to "experience her just desserts" for thinking of the child's best interest instead of having aborted him/her or dragging the child through his/her entire childhood as she goes on welfare or one low paying job to another and never having a "father" in the house to help raise the child???? And her "just desserts" includes having her life torn apart from what family that she may have had later by her ungrateful child who was seeking revenge???
Wow! That is some mighty weird thinking of "justice", IMO.
So then, an unwed mother who, at age 17, gave her child up to a family who would love, care for, and provide for the child much better than she could ever do due to her lack of money, lack of education, and lack of a spouse deserves to "experience her just desserts" for thinking of the child's best interest instead of having aborted him/her or dragging the child through his/her entire childhood as she goes on welfare or one low paying job to another and never having a "father" in the house to help raise the child???? And her "just desserts" includes having her life torn apart from what family that she may have had later by her ungrateful child who was seeking revenge???
Wow! That is some mighty weird thinking of "justice", IMO.
That’s not what I meant by a “web of deceit” or “just desserts,” and I think you know it. I’m also going to call shenanigans on the notion that a cavalcade of scorned adoptees are champing at the bit to destroy the lives of their birth mothers. I won’t say that that’s never happened in the history of ancestral DNA testing, because we live in a big world with a lot of less-than-kind people, but that mostly strikes me as your skewed perspective. I acknowledge that there is probably a story or two out there that tracks your description, whether you had a specific article in mind when you made your post or are a motivated enough Google warrior that you’ll be sure to find one.
Back to the topic of Christmas gift DNA kits, I am noticing a small increase in new matches from likely gift tests, the closest so far being a 2nd cousin I already know about.
I found a predicted third cousin who is likely related to me through my mother’s father’s father—a branch of the family where I haven’t located any direct matches on 23andMe thus far. The genealogical well runs dry a couple generations before that, so my hope is that this person might be able to offer some insight. I messaged her a few days ago and haven’t heard back yet. Hopefully she’ll be interested in connecting and collaborating. If not, so it goes.
That’s not what I meant by a “web of deceit” or “just desserts,” and I think you know it. I’m also going to call shenanigans on the notion that a cavalcade of scorned adoptees are champing at the bit to destroy the lives of their birth mothers. I won’t say that that’s never happened in the history of ancestral DNA testing, because we live in a big world with a lot of less-than-kind people, but that mostly strikes me as your skewed perspective. I acknowledge that there is probably a story or two out there that tracks your description, whether you had a specific article in mind when you made your post or are a motivated enough Google warrior that you’ll be sure to find one.
Well then, why don't you just explain to us exactly what you DID mean when you referred to her getting her "just desserts". In my opinion, her "just desserts" would be a medal of some kind for doing what is best for her child instead of dragging him/her through 18 to 20 years of poverty and deprivation with no father in the home. That's not to say that she couldn't get married later if she had a kid, but the odds are definitely stacked against a young mother and kid who have no financial resources. I'll await your forthcoming explanation.
That’s not what I meant by a “web of deceit” or “just desserts,” and I think you know it.
But that's the reality in many situations. They don't all fit into the little box you've created based on assumptions and judgements. Most situations are much more complex than the scenarios you've described.
That doesn't mean I don't think the child doesn't have the right to know their biological parentage though. Both sides on this need to stop being so judgmental and making assumptions. You both are being so incredibly insensitive to the people on both sides of this. These situations are delicate and emotional, they're not easy for anyone involved, but people have a right to seek out their own personal truths, because it is their own personal truth, not because the oh-so awful parents deserve their comeuppance.
It's not "curiosity" - people have a right to know their own biological parentage.
Not taking the DNA test doesn't make the reality of the situation untrue though. Whatever happened already happened. People deserve to know their own personal truths. The fact that you call it a "curiosity" just proves you have no clue how important this is to some people.
If everyone would just stop blaming people and calling them selfish all around, maybe these discoveries wouldn't be such a big deal. While do I think people deserve to know about stuff like this, let's keep in mind that the "unfaithful parent" could have raped, or their spouse could have been abusive and they sought refuge in someone else's arms, or their spouse cheated on them first, or maybe the child was born before the mother married and her spouse adopted the child but the child was never told. We should not make assumptions and judge people unless we are sure we know the full situation.
I was speaking in generalities not every possible scenario.
Well then, why don't you just explain to us exactly what you DID mean when you referred to her getting her "just desserts". In my opinion, her "just desserts" would be a medal of some kind for doing what is best for her child instead of dragging him/her through 18 to 20 years of poverty and deprivation with no father in the home. That's not to say that she couldn't get married later if she had a kid, but the odds are definitely stacked against a young mother and kid who have no financial resources. I'll await your forthcoming explanation.
I wasn’t referring at all to people like a young mother placing a child for adoption. A “web of deceit” is created by someone who, for example, had two secret families that he kept hidden from one another. If this person experiences embarrassment and humiliation when this is revealed, he’s getting his “just desserts.”
That said, I think the adopted child has every right to find out where they came from—not to try to harm anyone else, but for their own enlightenment.
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Originally Posted by PA2UK
But that's the reality in many situations. They don't all fit into the little box you've created based on assumptions and judgements. Most situations are much more complex than the scenarios you've described.
That doesn't mean I don't think the child doesn't have the right to know their biological parentage though. Both sides on this need to stop being so judgmental and making assumptions. You both are being so incredibly insensitive to the people on both sides of this. These situations are delicate and emotional, they're not easy for anyone involved, but people have a right to seek out their own personal truths, because it is their own personal truth, not because the oh-so awful parents deserve their comeuppance.
You and I more or less agree. Chas just seized upon those (admittedly strong) words and let his imagination run away with him.
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