Should I move back to the US??? (relocation, job, renting)

[anl1979]

Someone suggested I repost my story in the general moving issues forum for better feedback so here it is.......

Hello,
I am a AUS citizen and a permanent resident of the US. I have been living with my family (hubby is from US) for the past 7 years in Ohio. We recently relocated to Australia to be closer to my family. We've been here for 3 months now and are temporarily living with my parents until we get back on our feet.

I thought that I would be happy to be back in Australia but I'm not and of course everything that I had liked and remembered has changed. I don't remember real estate being so expensive!!! Overall, things are ok here but I honestly prefer the US. I don't know if I'm just homesick but I liked the lifestyle over there better. My family and I have never communicated that well and I don't feel much of a connection with them when I'm here. Their views are still very strict and traditional and mine are the complete opposite. Most of my friends are single and do not have kids so it's very difficult to bond with them. I don't have the same interests as them anymore and they are all very career orientated right now.

It seems like the products and services offered in Australia are less than that in the US. Of course the healthcare is free in Australia but only for certain things. You still have to pay to see a specialist etc. High school education is good here but I think the colleges in the US are better. I would like my son to be able to have white Christmases, experience Halloween etc.

I have lived in Australia for much longer than the US but I seem to like life in the US better. I'm worried that I'm being selfish if I want to move back. My hubby is ok with whatever decision we make. He just wants me to be happy.

I'm not sure what to do. I know it would break my family's heart if I told them that I wanted to move back to the US. Not to mention that they would think I am crazy to want to leave Australia. I will probably wait to see how the next 6mths turn out but I would like to plan out this year etc.

Does anyone have any advice? Am I just crazy to want to move back to the US? [LEFT]
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[KAILANI]

Did you get back on your feet yet?
Will you be able to find work where you plan on moving?
Ohio?

Your story sound the same as mine 10 yrs ago. But mine was the difference between Florida and Hawaii. We chose to move away, but could not yet afford to get back to Hawaii and landed in Seattle area. (Still saving to move to Hi, but bought home here...)

Do more research on the area you want to move to first. Real Estate in the US is not the greatest here. Loans are VERY hard to get....

All in all, you have to decide what types of things you like to do, what is your ideal environment, weather, scenery, etc. If you don't find that in AUS, time to look elsewhere. Can you live in a different AU town that would suit you better??

[nash2011]

I think that relocation should be for a combination of reasons. Sometimes it's the type of job or opportunities. Sometimes it's the lifestyle. If you think that moving to the US will be better for you as a family then that is your answer.

But you could be home sick. I have moved from the US twice. The first after my undergrad and then the second time after 7 years in the US. The second time it was harder and it took longer time to adjust. The first several months are harsh and it just feels like you have to go back to the US. But then after a while you will settle into a comfortable zone as you stand on your feet and find a place of your own.

For me it has been now more than 1.5 years since I moved back from the US. I become more comfortable because we have our own place now (renting an apt). But quickly I started to realize that job-wise I am not happy and considering a move very shortly (not to the US though).

So from my experience when you move from the US you experience a "reverse culture shock". Life in the US is amazing and once you go somewhere else you have to re-adjust and see how can you enjoy life in your new place. But if your work (financially), personal freedoms or your love for white Christmases is more important to you and you had it better when in the US, then a move back is not a bad idea.

Also to be fair to the importance of family, you should give it some time to re-connect with family and you might find value in having them close by.

In either case you will gain something by going to US and you will gain something else when you stay in AUS. it's never a 100% win-win situation but you have to make a rational judgement on your current and future plans and make a decision.

Wish you all the best.

[Vichel]

Originally Posted by anl1979

I thought that I would be happy to be back in Australia but I'm not and of course everything that I had liked and remembered has changed. I don't remember real estate being so expensive!!!

Ooo yah! Real estate is ridiculously expensive here. Severely unaffordable according to real estate surveys of several countries. And it's not like you can get a break in some other city, they're all severely unaffordable. Even many big towns. Our COL here is very high, not just housing. Food is constantly going up, power, clothes, cars, household goods, everything.

I moved back to Perth 11 years ago. I was born here but lived in Canada for more than half my life. I also have a fairly close connection to the US which I won't go into here. It is very different here in many ways. And can be difficult to get used to for some. I know and have known many Americans who've felt that way, and Canadians. It's a very different culture and lifestyle.

Originally Posted by anl1979

Overall, things are ok here but I honestly prefer the US. I don't know if I'm just homesick but I liked the lifestyle over there better.

Totally understandable. I prefer the lifestyle "up there" too and if I could live in the US I would. We've decided to head back to Canada, next best thing, this year. Way too expensive for our plans to early retire here. We will "Snowbird" it in the US for 5 or so months a year.

Originally Posted by anl1979

It seems like the products and services offered in Australia are less than that in the US. Of course the healthcare is free in Australia but only for certain things. You still have to pay to see a specialist etc. High school education is good here but I think the colleges in the US are better. I would like my son to be able to have white Christmases, experience Halloween etc.

Bigger market in the US, so the availability of products and services is vastly superior to here. Oz can't help it - it's a smaller market, and far from anywhere, shipping costs are high, labour costs are high. Many products are very different and you will miss some things a lot! Like customer service and focus. Americans do that so well.

The healthcare isn't totally free - you pay a Medicare Levy on your tax return every year: 1.5% of your income. Plus every time you go to the doctor, only about half is covered by Medicare so you always pay about $32 out of your pocket. It's a good system, I think though. And the availability of affordable private health insurance is great.

I know what you mean about White Christmases. Every blistering hot, blindingly bright Christmas I have here, I hate them more. It just doesn't feel like Christmas, even though that's what I grew up with. And Halloween ... I so loved Halloween when I lived in Canada. I'm glad my kids got to experience that when they were young. It was so much fun, for children and adults. It doesn't exist here except for the odd, poorly-received Trick or Treating which many people hate. I can understand their attitude since they don't "get" Halloween. Just not part of the culture.

Originally Posted by anl1979

I have lived in Australia for much longer than the US but I seem to like life in the US better. I'm worried that I'm being selfish if I want to move back. My hubby is ok with whatever decision we make. He just wants me to be happy.

You're very fortunate to have such an understanding hubby. I have one like that too! It's a huge, stressful undertaking to make such a move, then make it again but hey, if it doesn't feel right, then go with that.

Originally Posted by anl1979

I'm not sure what to do. I know it would break my family's heart if I told them that I wanted to move back to the US. Not to mention that they would think I am crazy to want to leave Australia. I will probably wait to see how the next 6mths turn out but I would like to plan out this year etc.

Of course your family won't like it, but you can't live for others, you have to go with what's right and best for YOU. And Australians love to love Australia and think it's the best. Americans have a reputation for patriotism, well Oz has something similar although we tend to think we're a bigger blip on the world radar than we really are.

Originally Posted by anl1979

Does anyone have any advice? Am I just crazy to want to move back to the US?

No, you're not crazy to want to move back. You know the US and life there. Your family members likely don't .... have they lived there? If you want to, and can give it 6 months, do it, to see if you change your mind. Only you will know. It's interesting how your reaction is different to mine. Of course, we're talking different countries - as I used to live in Canada - but hubby and I liked it here for a few years. There was an initial euphoria for a couple of years, then we settled in and it was still good. But then it lost its gloss and every visit back to Canada and the US, we realised this wasn't a good fit. Too many things frustrated us and we just didn't quite gel with the place. Plus the isolation is tough. It's far from everywhere! Each to their own.

[London Girl]

Just a quick one - don't forget that as a Permanent Resident it is inadvisable to remain outside the US for a continuous period of more than 6 months - you may have issues when you try to re-enter as the Immigration Officer *could* deem that your Permanent Resident status has lapsed.

I'm not saying everyone has problems with this but you do need to be aware of the consequences of long term absences from the US on your status as a Permanent Resident.

Apologies for posting if you're already well aware of this!

Good luck whatever you decide........

I'm from the UK but live in the US -and I get homesick in both countries. When I'm here I miss England - when I'm back in the UK I miss the States It's tough.

[allenk893]

I would definitely move back. You like there! There is no need to live somewhere you don't like. I wouldn't choose Ohio as a place to return however. But that's just me!

[anl1979]

Thanks for all your comments-they have been super helpful and much appreciated!

At this point, I am feeling overwhelmed. I keep feeling guilty about wanting to move back because it's been hammered in my head about how Australia is the "lucky" country etc etc etc.

Relocating to Australia was not easy so I'm sure relocating back to the US will be tough. Urghhhh I don't know. I feel like I will be disappointing everyone if I decide to move back but it's my life right?? Everyone thinks I'm not giving Australia enough time but why would I stay in a place that I don't like? What if I stay another year and then decide that I don't like it? My permanent residency in the US would be screwed. But on the flip side, what if I begin to like Australia???? Who knows?? Although I can't see myself getting used to the lifestyle here.

Also, isn't it smarter to move back sooner than later so we can start re-building our lives?

[Vichel]

Originally Posted by anl1979

At this point, I am feeling overwhelmed. I keep feeling guilty about wanting to move back because it's been hammered in my head about how Australia is the "lucky" country etc etc etc.

That phrase tends to be overused here. Maybe at one time it was "lucky" but it's got problems like everywhere. The economy's good, for now, but like we've seen around the world, things can go pear-shaped in the blink of an eye. Basically, we dig things out of the ground and sell it to China, India and others. If they stop, we stop. Or if this govt continues on its 'tax and spend' spree, cost of living will be even more ridiculous.

Originally Posted by anl1979

Relocating to Australia was not easy so I'm sure relocating back to the US will be tough. Urghhhh I don't know. I feel like I will be disappointing everyone if I decide to move back but it's my life right?? Everyone thinks I'm not giving Australia enough time but why would I stay in a place that I don't like? What if I stay another year and then decide that I don't like it? My permanent residency in the US would be screwed. But on the flip side, what if I begin to like Australia???? Who knows?? Although I can't see myself getting used to the lifestyle here.

Stop worrying about disappointing others. This is a decision you have to make for you. And you make some pretty definite, clear statements:

"why would I stay in a place that I don't like?"
" I can't see myself getting used to the lifestyle here"

Does your husband feel the same? Ask him his honest opinion. Don't accept "whatever makes you happy, hon" as an answer.

Originally Posted by anl1979

Also, isn't it smarter to move back sooner than later so we can start re-building our lives?

Especially if you risk losing your PR. But if you did decide to give it a good year or two, how much hassle or expense would it be to get it back if you do decide to return to the US?

This is a tough one, I feel bad for you but wish you all the best. Keep us posted. I'm really interested.

[okaydorothy]

I dont think you are crazy. We are where you were last year. We are from Ireland and have lived in NY for 25 years. While NY has been excellent to us, we are tired of the rat race and the busyness of our lives here.

We are debating on moving to France by next summer. We would like to just start living again and stop working so hard to pay the bills ; we are doing ok, but our quality of life jsut isnt there anymore

[Threestep2]

We had an opportunity to return via expat contract to my home for three years. No thank you. Even the mandatory vacations make me realize that I have changed and do not fit in anymore.

OP said "permanent US resident". She should research her legal status. USCIS - Green Card