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I just turned 42. Both of my children have just moved out less than a month ago. I am finding it very hard to stay in the house where they lived with me. I want to move but I am not sure if this is just a quick fix or if this is the right thing to do. Does anyone out there have any insight on this. The though of moving used to make me sick. Now the thought of staying does.
Gosh this thread is helping me....
I can't shake the feeling of being lost.....
When you've literally spent your entire life raising kids (I started as a teen mom)
And suddenly they're all successful, wonderful self sufficient adults-
It leaves ya' feeling totally perplexed.
Like what do I do now, lol
I wonder if I can handle moving to another state.....
I miss them intensely now-
& they don't even live all that far
My mom will feel the same day once I move out tomorrow going 1000+ miles away from home.
But in reality, I am a grown up man now, even though in her heart, I am still a "sweet little pumpkin". All I can do is visit when possible and support when in need. Although, she has friends who are going through the same.
Personally, I wouldn't delay my life plans solely so that my son/daughter could finish high school with friends. I say this because when I grew up in the '60s my family made two long distance moves--first when I was in 9th grade and second when I was in 12th. I didn't appreciate it, of course, but also didn't say much and survived just fine, made new friends (through sports) and moved on.
Personally, I wouldn't delay my life plans solely so that my son/daughter could finish high school with friends. I say this because when I grew up in the '60s my family made two long distance moves--first when I was in 9th grade and second when I was in 12th. I didn't appreciate it, of course, but also didn't say much and survived just fine, made new friends (through sports) and moved on.
My father retired to Hawaii during the summer before I entered 12th grade. In my case, although I was terrified I also thought it was a big adventure and I was happy/scared about it. It turned out that I had the most wonderful senior year ever.
I like this thread. I am considering a move from the West coast to the East coast. I'm so excited and determined to get there (and get more sunshine), but now that it's summer and I don't have the SADS fog over me, I'm spending a lot of time thinking about how much of my desire is a pipe dream and how much will be a great adventure. I've never lived more than 1.5 hours from Seattle in my life and I'm 45.
I'm still hoping to make the change, but just trying to be more prepared for the let down that is normal life. I have been basking in the glory of the sun during this nice warm summer and just don't want it to end.
I keep hoping that by moving my kids while they're still in grade school we'll all have a better chance of making new friends sooner rather than later. I too have those "midwest dreams" that living in the burbs in the Carolinas will be friendlier, but who knows. We may have such trouble relating to each other. Still I don't want to give up out of fear of the unknown. If I don't like it, I can always find a way to move back (she says naively).
I'm so worried about moving away from my kids and their future kids that I want to make the move while they're young and can possibly see our new location as "home". I know there is no way on this earth I am retiring in Seattle! Now hopefully their dad and I like the new location....
I find these kinds of posts extremely sad. However it's a fact of life nowadays that jobs often require people to move away from everyone and everything they love. I guess my only advice is to look at it this way - our grown children often move away and we deal with that, it's pretty normal. OP, I think the issue is that YOU'RE the one who moved away, thus the grief. Like everything else we get used to it eventually. Hope your "eventually" comes soon!
I just turned 42. Both of my children have just moved out less than a month ago. I am finding it very hard to stay in the house where they lived with me. I want to move but I am not sure if this is just a quick fix or if this is the right thing to do. Does anyone out there have any insight on this. The though of moving used to make me sick. Now the thought of staying does.
Give it time. Join a new book club, find a hobby that you enjoy, learn a foreign language & plan a European vacation, reconnect with old friends or make a few new friends. It will get better. I bet in 5 or 6 months (and probably much sooner) you will feel like yourself again
BTW, I am 62 and our youngest moved away 8 years ago. Guess what? She is moving back home in two weeks, because even with a full time job and a part time job she can not support herself in her new city & state (while still paying back her student loans). So, she is back home until she either gets a great paying professional job, has substantially paid down her student loans or until my disabled husband and I are forced to move into a one story home or senior living facility (probably three to four years) and she will have to find a new place to live.
Kidd Jean, remember that a few weeks is just a short blink of time compared to the 18 or so years that your children lived with you. You will quickly adjust.
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