Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have never had such a hard time making a decision in my life. I am truly at a loss. I could literally flip a coin to decide and it still wouldn't feel comfortable. Anyone with similar experience? or advice?
My husband is currently working for a large company that is in the process of laying off 20-30% of their workforce. He knows he needs to move on. A couple of months ago, he received a call from a recruiter about a job opportunity in San Diego. We absolutely love San Diego. He went on the interview and received an offer. The salary is a only bit higher than he is making here, but the sign on bonus is unbelievably large. The relocation package is very generous.
The great things about the opportunity are: my husband loves the company, it is truly a great company, great job, unheard of sign-on bonus, generous relocation, San Diego weather, adventure, lots to do on the weekends, etc. More opportunity for our daughter for colleges, jobs, etc.
The bad things about the opportunity are: very high cost of living, our mortgage loan would increase 40% for a much smaller house, we will move our daughter half way through her junior year (this will be her third high school...freshman year in DC, sophomore year in Raleigh, then junior & senior year in San Diego), more traffic, longer commute, we have to sell our house, (the worst thing is that my daughter and I will stay here until it is sold), separation from my husband for 5 or 6 months or more (monthly visits).
I was really struggling when he accepted the offer. I know it is in our best interested for him to be proactive in finding a new job, especially since we are in our late 40s. I just don't want to move again since we just got back here a year ago. I don't want to deal with selling the house. I don't like the relo realtor. The rent in San Diego is ridiculous. A small 3 bedroom house is $3,000-3,500. When we do buy a house, the "new" monthly mortgage payments would be very affordable with his salary, but the mortgage debt would be excessive (think $400k or more) for a mediocre house in a good location. We would still have plenty of cash in the bank to cover college and a couple of years living expenses and our 401k is well funded. But I can't help worrying if he were laid off, I would not like that large mortgage debt hanging over our heads. I have been waking up in the middle of the night stressed beyond belief.
I know my husband really wants this opportunity and he wants to live in San Diego, we all do. But I can't help feeling like it is a mistake. But we want to go. But something is holding me back. I am pretty sure it is the housing situation. But I can't quite put my finger on it.
He is supposed to start his new job on the 24th. He gave notice to his current employer last week. They countered, he respectfully declined.
A couple of days ago, he got a call from a former colleague asking him if he is interested in a local position. Great job...higher level, great people, and a different industry.
Yesterday, my husband finally looked seriously at housing costs in San Diego. He said he just figured once we got there, I would make it happen. I told him I would keep trying, but it is what it is. I wonder if we are 10 years too late or 10 years to early for San Diego.
After watching so many great companies lay off great people over the past 5 years....I worry about our future. The last two companies he worked for have been shaky. We watched lots of friends and neighbors get laid off. My husband laid off many people. It killed him.
He decided today that he should take the local job offer. I felt relieved. But now I feel like crap. I feel like we are giving up our dream location for possible false safety. I feel like I am letting him down. He really wants San Diego and I think I poisoned it for him. He is a fly-by-the seat kind of person. I am the planner.
He will call the SanDiego company tonight and rescind his acceptance. I want to tell him not to....let's go! But then I am relieved we don't have to move....even if it is San Diego. I am so torn. I joke to my husband "I came to a fork in the road....I took it." I have never been so divided on an issue in my life. Nothing feels right. The pro/cons are equal. Seriously. :/
Useful background info: My husband and I have moved several times for his job. They were all temporary (one-two year) corporate re-locations and we returned to Raleigh, NC. Neither of us is from Raleigh, but my extended family currently lives in the area. Some of our moves were good, but the last one....ugh! It was terrible. We hated it. I didn't want to go, but I relented. We stayed a year and returned to Raleigh last year. I am just sick of all the turmoil in our lives.
Nothing feels right anymore. I have never been an indecisive person. The state of the economy and the outsourcing of job has caused me to feel zero security for the long term. Ugh!
I think the cost of living is a valid worry - at this point in your lives with the job/employment situation as it is.
It also seems a better decision for your daughter. Not that kids aren't flexible but moving in high school, especially the last 2 years, sucks. If you truly have a desire and need to move to San Diego, then you will make it happen in the future when there are fewer other issues. And just maybe you'll find another place you really want to move to.
I agree that cost of living is a valid concern.
It sounds like your husband has some very marketable job skills, so don't beat yourself up about "losing" this opportunity.
As much as I love adventure and advocate the "nothing ventured, nothing gained" philosophy, I don't think there is anything wrong with staying in NC for now. If you are at least semi-content where you are, you are way ahead of many other people.
Financial stability is a pretty big factor these days.
Life is dynamic. Listen to your 'gut'. I fully understand how frustrating it is to be confused and undecided. I am the 'planner' in our family also, the 'big decision' maker. The older I get, the less confident I am, and it drives me crazy. I'm trying to overcome it, but it's not easy.
Hang in there. And give yourself a break from worrying for a bit!
I am usually so decisive, so this has really thrown me for a loop. Also, my husband has always done so much for me I feel a bit guilty about throwing the wrench into the plans.
I think the San Diego company has good prospects for the future....but with technology companies being what they are...a fall from grace is not unheard of. The last two companies my husband worked for were "top of the game" until they weren't.
I tried to balance that we could more than afford the monthly payments, but the outstanding mortgage debt amount kept nagging at me.
Raleigh, NC is a really nice place. We have a beautiful house. Unfortunately, to quote my husband "it feels like I am just waiting to die." I think we will have to really try to find some more interesting stuff to do here. We are both ocean people, but it is not really convenient for us to go to the beach often. San Diego just makes us feel good. I guess it is best to make it happen later.
The funny thing is...my daughter wants to go. She likes change. She has traveled the world and lived in a few different countries. She tells me she is "out" of NC and moving to Europe after college. I do worry a move could affect her grades. That would not be worth it to me.
Seriously, if it truly feels like you are "just waiting to die", then maybe you should just go for it.
I do know what you mean, because I feel that way where I am now. (Which explains why I am on this forum).
Life really is too short.
Go for it. You won't know until you try, and maybe feeling more "alive" will make up for the mortgage debt.
Seriously, if it truly feels like you are "just waiting to die", then maybe you should just go for it.
I do know what you mean, because I feel that way where I am now. (Which explains why I am on this forum).
Life really is too short.
Go for it. You won't know until you try, and maybe feeling more "alive" will make up for the mortgage debt.
See...that's the thing....it's so easy here. And nice. It's just boring.
We used to travel quite frequently because of his job and that helped offset the boredom.
Living in DC made us appreciate it here a lot more. Although we really enjoyed the city, we did not enjoy the stress of the area....traffic, attitudes, Joneses, etc.
I told my husband if we stay, we are going to have to make an effort to find more things to do here.
I am hoping my husband's new job sparks him. It's a challenging position, so that will help. Now, I have to find something for me.
I love San Diego. I have family there and when I am in San Diego it feels so right. Wish my husband would get an opportunity there but right now we will have to wait it out in NJ.
It sounds like he and your daughter really want to move to CA...and it sounds like an amazing adventure. "Waiting to die" is a sad way to describe life. Maybe your family needs this change more than you realize.
Good luck to you!!!
Have you tried the beaches in your state? You are only 2-3 hours from some very nice ones.
Quick, easy weekend trips!
There are worse things than "boring", I'm sure you can find lots of interesting things to do that are fairly close to your current location.
Create your own excitement!
I would run not walk to the San Diego offer. Put it this way....would you rather be homeless where you are, or San Diego???
That may seem harsh....but that seems to be your biggest fear. Go for the beautiful weather and glorius life style. You cannot put a price on that....I hope you don't let your fear fill you w/ regret if you pass this up. Let us know, and best of luck to you and yours.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
).
