Moving cross-country for spouse's job--any regrets?

[LaMadden]

I do think moves can be good ones . There have only been a few times we were unhappy, this being one of them. I am big into gardening and he into golf, you can do neither for 5 months a year here. We can't stand cold! I hibernate like a bear and begin to look like one Moves aren't death sentences but they sure seem like it sometimes. It is also country here and I'm used to great shopping at my fingertips. Who'd of thought CT was country?

[GeminiGal]

I am a native Southerner (lived in CLT for many years) and recently moved from Atlanta to Columbus, Ohio. I have been here a little over six months and I'm very happy we made the move. I even survived the blizzard we had a few weeks ago!

DH was offered an excellent promotion to move. Everyone wants to move South and they could not get anyone to move to central OH so , after MUCH thought, we said YES.

Stay very busy with work and our kids so we really have not had much time to dwell on missing friends and family. We have met lots of friendly people and quite a few Southerners as well. The property taxes are shockingly higher, but I am VERY pleased with schools and the money that is spent per child on education. No overcrowding, redistricting, great facilities and technology, and wonderful teachers.

And yes, it is cloudier here on OH - but NO drought and water restrictions!

Good luck - you'll make the right decision for YOUR family.

[Cato the Elder]

Originally Posted by summers19

I hate it here. I feel we made a mistake. We thought we'd love living in a big city, as we love visiting NYC, Chicago, San Francisco, etc. often. But we just can not get a grip here.

Should of looked closer at Birmingham or Ann Arbor, MI - you would have gotten the liberal environment and cultural amentities you wanted but in a more manageable and affordable package. As a born and bred Chicagoan, I had a feeling that it might be a drastic change from VA.

[Mbennie]

All I can say is that with my Military travel I have lived in both places although I must be honest I prefer Charlotte, Only due to the weather I do not care for SNOW my bones can't take the cold weather in the winter mostly rainy in winter. As long as you get out and about and enjoy what Washington state has to offer you will love it. Nice place I thought, my kids where small when we lived there I thought it was a nice place to raise a family, I was there for 6yrs and in Charlotte for 10yrs. Just My Opinion but co-workers are co-worker but a "GOOD" Husband is Family go with your heart and you'll be fine. As far as family members give your family a nice place to come visit they can get a nice vacation out of it. But if you feel it's not the place for you after you have given it sometime you can always go home and get your "wonderful position back at your job so why not step into something new? Be Bless

[rusty02]

I actually just moved from Seattle to Boston and I am really struggling. MY husband and I met in VA where we both were going to school and after graduating, we moved out to Seattle - I feel in love with it: the outdoors, I had an excellent job, the open mindedness, I felt like I belonged. My husband on the other hand did not enjoy it: he missed his family in VA and ME and wanted to move back ASAP. In July, he got a great job opportunity in Maine and I was supportive. Looking back, I wish I had said no. We moved across the country and I could not find a good job in Portland so now we are living in between in NH and each commuting the opposite way. Moves are tough - the move out to Seattle suited me great but this one has been horrible. I want to cry that I aggreed to it! If I could turn back time...most of the dissapointment is the commuting situation but even then I miss the things I know - it is overwhelming when you work in a different city than you live and cant seem to get to know it! Seattle is great, I would move back in 2 seconds.

[AccentCoach]

"Life is a daring adventure ..Or...nothing"....Paraphrased from Helen Keller. I work to remember this as we have lived in 7 US states and China in the 22 years that we have been married. We met in IN. He was from Upstate NY and worked in KY. We married and I moved to KY. Yet drove back and forth between IN and KY for my daughters school and work. My daughter decided to finish high school where her dad lived. Husband wanted to move back east. He found a position in the Boston area - where we stayed for 6 yrs. Met wonderful people there. Without children, its easier to network and learn more about the whole area. My favorite strategy is joining a Toastmasters Club - ( Helps people become more comfortable making work presentations and speaking well in meetings and conversations) . I visit several until I find one that resonated with me. ( Most do -yet -there can be some that are friendlier than others) We have since moved to NJ - i loved it - Found all kinds of work that I loved. Next to China - I had just had knee surgery & had to be taken off the plane on a food truck. My husband worked crazy hours - yet had most weekends off. We explored- I joined another Toastmasters club in Shanghai - Met wonderful friends of many nationalities. Visited many other clubs. Joined an international women's group. Learned a lot. Found work doing some private speech training with children and more as a speaker coach for professionals.-then his company brought us back to the USA, Cleveland OH. I struggled. Yet found a women's group through a friend at church. My work was a struggle, - Yet have always gone thru temp Per Diem medical work to ferret out better options.Husband laid off '09. Struggled to find a job for almost 9 months. Then we moved to a small village in WI next to a town of 45,000. He enjoyed the job. I struggled to fit in. Most had children. My husband was out of the country 1-2 weeks a month. I ended up doing contract private practice work in the Boston area. Yet that cost more than I made. I took on multiple little jobs in medical therapy work ..not a place to make friends.. Developed some clients from MA for distance training... It requires online marketing and keeping in touch. I still joined Toastmasters in the WI county that we were in. It helped. Yet i missed my husband when he traveled. He decided he wanted to not travel as much and found a position in NE. We have been here for almost 3 years. We have a nice neighborhood association - See 4-8 neighbors 1x/month for a lunch . I still do online & phone coaching which sounds exciting...However, its about sales and marketing most of the time. Skills that I'm still trying to understand and try to do better. No matter what, making the effort to meet new people, find new jobs, develop sales and marketing skills, ....It is all about managing expectations - crying - picking yourself up and asking your self..."How can make someone else feel a little more welcome? Be more interested in others? How can I turn a struggle into an exploration strategy? " and then realize if we say hello and be interested in others, ask advice, ask them to coffee....eventually somebody will be come interested in us. I work to remember the story of the little twin boys - one a pessimist & one a wild optimist..... "Even when confronted with only a pile of manure - saying "There's gotta be a pony in there somewhere!"

[Vegabern]

I regret our cross country move but it wasn't away from our home town or family. We'd already done that move and it was wonderful. I simply don't like living in Upper Michigan.


Soon we'll be moving again...


I enjoy living in new regions and learning new things.

[Threestep2]

Not a single regret!
Europe to GA, AL, WA, Europe, DC, Near East, AL, GA, AL, TX, OK
SO is ready to settle down and go the base camp with motor home route while I have one more move for the sake of what is out there in me.

[LadySamsara]

I moved back from Fla. in 07 as the heat started to get to me. Landed in the Catskill Mtns. (Upstate NY) as that is where my parents lived. I moved to Albany for a year and a half....Absolutely LOVED it there, I made so many friends but the neighborhood started to change so it was back to my parents home. I found an apt. about 15 mins. away from them and thought I'd be there for maybe a year. But shortly after moving my Mother was diagnosed with lung cancer and I needed to stay close, who would leave at a time like that? We nursed Mom until she passed in 2012. I was not crazy about the area, very small town, no mass transit (after a time I had no vehicle) so I was very isolated. Just to get to Walmart was a $25.00 taxi ride so I know I would have moved at that point. 3 months after we lost Mom, Dad was diagnosed with the exact same disease. Here we go again. It was another 5 yrs. nursing Dad through his illness . He passed on June 22, 2017. In the meantime I had put my name on HUD lists for apts. on the west coast (legally disabled from a Nursing accident) and I received many notices of available apts. but I turned these down. I was not going to leave my Father when he needed me most. Right after Dad passed (the next day!) I got called for an apt. in Colorado and I accepted....Everyone said it was meant to be. I wasn't so sure but I wanted a fresh start, an adventure, something different and I wanted to go west. I also thought it might be easier to grieve if I was away from the area I had spent the last 7 years so close to my family. The move was awful - Trying to find medical services was also a challenge but it is now 5 weeks since I moved and it's feeling a little better. Unbelievable! Instead of crying all day long I catch myself crying more for my parents than the move. The apt. is beautiful - very clean and well kept (I took it sight unseen), the people are very friendly and helpful, there are many resources for inexpensive transportation and the disabled and it feels great to be able to get out without the cost of a taxi - Jump on the free bus and I'm out. The isolation in NY was just horrible. I still haven't unpacked - Immediately after I moved I looked into what areas had vacancies but they were places like MN., Fargo, SD, Cheyenne, WY., so here was better than those areas. Also, I still am on certain apt. lists in the area and I was just contacted for an apt. in Chandler AZ. It was mid September (I moved here 9/1/17) and I was hoping to get that apt.....I was still in "Hate" mode hence why I refused to unpack. But - I am leaning towards unpacking, trying to get out and make friends and possibly even someone to spend some time with. I'm thinking of giving it 2 yrs. and then reassess. It now seems ridiculous to get right back into a moving truck, not to mention the cost and will I like it there? Plus, it is SO beautiful here, the mountains are magnificent and this area has a lot going for it. So - Yes, I hated it at the beginning, wanted to move anywhere but here and cried all day long. What a difference a month makes! I am ready to sign up for yoga and martial arts classes - Also the Y. This could be a wonderful adventure if I just let myself embrace it - things certainly could be worse. I feel very blessed there are so many resources for me here. So maybe I'll post in 2 yrs. and let you know how it all turned out. For anyone going through this, maybe stick with it and give it some time...Try and stay positive and believe it was meant to be - You never know what may happen What a long, strange trip it's been!