Should I live near only son or only sister? (relocate, jobs, school)

[graytabbie]

I would welcome insight on this problem...I moved from Texas back to my home state of Missouri after a divorce, because I knew I had a free place to stay (my sister & bro in law and my mom are here). It is very rural and after a year I have 2 part-time jobs at minimum wage, no benefits. I miss my son terribly and wonder if I should move near him in TX where I would (hopefully!) have a better chance at a job with benefits.

[phonelady61]

the first ? is do you have the means to move and support yourself and what happens if you cant get a job there ? My husband and i are having to move in with a cousin because we moved to a different state thinking we were doing better and we did not and now thank god for my cousin because if she said no we would have ended up homeless and in a tent somewhere . I just hope we can take some kind of job to save up enough to get an apt and not live with her for the rest of our lives . anyways good luck to you and I hope it works out better for you than it did us . god bless .

[graytabbie]

OK, only one response. I was trying to be very "to the point" and not ramble in my first post, so maybe I will add some details. I am unhappy living here, it's very rural and miles from anything. The closest church in my denomination is about 45 minutes away. I am scared to death that I will have some medical problem and I have no insurance. I only have one child and I would like to be near him. I have never lived in a city as big as Houston, but I have visited my son several times and I like it. I'll have to admit the crime scares me a little, but no more Missouri winters would be great. I would miss my sister, but there is email and skype and visits of course.

[ablau]

I think if you are very unhappy, you should be closer to your son. I'm sure that it would be great for you to be closer to him if he has kids later on! Why don't you look slightly outside the Houston area? I know nothing about Texas personally, but there must be a SAFE suburb outside of town... that way, you can be close enough to see him regularly but in a more secure, slow-paced location.

[ablau]

A quick Google search shows me that Sugar Land (a suburb of Houston) is the fifth safest city in America. Maybe that's a start!

[DubbleT]

What does your son think of the idea? Would you be horribly disappointed if he has a very busy schedule and you do not get to spend as much time with him as you would like?
The economy being what it is I wouldn't move on just the 'hope' of getting a better job. Can you visit with your son for a few weeks to look for a job first, then plan to move if you find one?

[maggiekate]

Write a list down, of your wish list. I can relate being in a different state. However, at least you do have family. If you move, can you stay with your son? Jobs are real hard to come by.
If you know Texas, and have friends there, and may stay with your son, try it. Kids do live there own life, and are real busy. Did you have a job there? Or can you get one now where you are. Someday
also down the road you may need your own place. So do think of where you want to be. Also do you have any so called skills, computers etc., or can
you find a place while you are with family to learn one. We all are in this so called Boat now! If you got a divorce, do you get anything from the husband
with regards to health benefits? That is why a list would help you do decide. Can you collect unemplyment from your last job? Also where you are now
do they help you to learn skills for a job! With this Stimulus package ask, and ask again! There needs to something in that area for people to do!
We now are into April, so, maybe not as cold. Part time jobs are better than none at this time! Do you enjoy reading, etc., even if your church is real far
maybe one close would have things going on so you meet people. We all, need help, so check that out also! Rural is not all that bad, as the real Big City!

[Twinkle Toes]

I would choose to love near my son if I were you. Just make sure not to smother him. Let him live his life and be happy just knowing that you would be close to him and can see him often. Best of luck in whatever you do.

[maggiekate]

Originally Posted by Twinkle Toes

I would choose to love near my son if I were you. Just make sure not to smother him. Let him live his life and be happy just knowing that you would be close to him and can see him often. Best of luck in whatever you do.

that is good, but with no job, and this economy will it work? Also the poster
moved back for a roof over her head! At least now she does have 2 part=time jobs? So if the son , and the big city won't work-she needs a job to
pay the rent etc. and to eat also. Mostly it is money, and this economy is not helping.

[nightbird47]

It's hard to be away from your son. Mine is going into his senior year of high school. He lives with his dad's family. Before highschool and band, he spent a weekend each month with me. After band, we were more like every other month and counting. I understood that music is is passion and wouldn't have him miss a band event, but it got depressing.

I was going to stick around until he graduated in a place I couldn't afford on disability, but when I was going to have to move somewhere it was too far anyway I decided it was time to make the leap. We all talked and I'm glad I did. My son will be 18 during his last year of high school and is working his way into adult life. He's got plans. He may well not even be in California after high school.

I know you want to be near your son. But is he terribly busy? When you were closer did you spend a lot of time? Has something changed since then? Have you broached the subject to your son yet? Don't blurt it out in terms of should I move there so I'll be closer to you. Say your thinking of moving to the area. Feel him out without saying more. Is he thinking of staying in Houston for the long term or might he move in a year or so?

If you really hate where you are then you should think of you too. You can't be a pleasent person when you are miserable. Perhaps relocate in Texas where you are closer but where you would be comfortable and somewhere affordable. What kind of place do you want to live? Theres a big inbetween with "rural" and "city". Texas is a big place and I'm sure you could find the right one.

And with this economy you don't want to leave without knowing how you'll live. Look for a job first. When you can get some kind of home/apartment/even rented room then move. I know its miserable living with relatives but hang on. You HAVE a place to live and never forget that.

Unless your son suggests it, I wouldn't consider staying with him first. You want to be near, but there is a limit to togetherness even with your kid.

And do nothing rash, just because you decide to. Think it over. Research. Write it out and add up the numbers.

It sounds like you do need to move, but if you have money left over there save save save. Its future move money, rent money, all sorts of things. Keep in mind that you are moving forward this way. When you are sure, as in just have that feeling of what is right, and have a place and the means to get there then go. When your down, just remember this is a mission for your future and think of what you've done.

And there is no reason why you can't have more contact with your son now. Just don't be obsessive about it. Remember he has a life and figure around that. I think you would be happier being closer, but then that is what I get from your words. You have to find that answer yourself. Just remember that kids grow up and move away and its the way of life. So much depends on variables.

But start out by waking up each day and thinking of three things that make you happy and forget how your miserable. Keep them in mind. Doesn't mean you need any change of plans but time will go by faster and you'll think clearer if your not lost in the dark.