How long does it take to adjust to a move, do you think? (renting, moved back)

[AZgarden]

Flowergirl: My son went through something very similar when he was 7or8 and I couldn't bear to see him in his room every day after school being so sad. I took things into my own hands and went over to a neighbors house and asked the boy there to come over and play with my son. They got along really well and that led to him meeting other kids on the street, more kids in school, and in no time, he was his old self again. Maybe you could have some type of pizza party for Halloween and invite all the neighbor kids over. Just a thought....

[Ringo1]

I think it takes me about a year. The first year, I spend pining for my 'home' and second-guessing all my decisions. I get stressed out over all the uncertainty of a new place; find a new doctor; dentist, more importantly ~ hairdresser . . . .

Then, usually after that, I am ok.

I have only been in my new home for about 3 months. In addition to the stress of the move, we moved my 89 year old father in with us. So, a whole lot of additional stress and second-guessing. Yes, today, I would go home in a heartbeat.

But, last time, I moved back 'home'; I found that all my friends had moved on and I was really just starting over again in my 'hometown'

[Laura707]

It took me about to 2 years when I moved from my home state to where I am now and many visits back home before I realized I had left nothing behind. The only thing I missed was the mountians and I still miss those some 30 to 40 years later.

It takes my allergies about 5 years to get use to my new surroundings, even if I only move a few miles, which makes me think twice about moving anywhere now.

[gentlearts]

I miss some things about my old house that I think I will always miss, since I will most likely never have a big house again...high ceilings, lots of land, big kitchen, plenty of storage. But I am so into exploring my new surroundings that I am feeling pretty much at home after only 5 months.
Sometimes in the morning, before I open my eyes, I imagine I'm in my old bedroom with the window next to the bed and wish I could open my eyes and look out on our pond again.
Then I get a grip on myself and realize I'm happy it finally sold, I'm happy I don't need to take care of the yard, and I'm happy I got out before it got old enough to need a new roof or furnace or something else expensive.

[Clevelandgal]

it all depends on your personallity makeup. The first 1-2 years for me in a new place is like a vacation-exploring and discovering. I love it. Careerwise it bothers me some. Always having to prove yourself as the new kid on the block...
Just keep an open mind though. when we came to Cleveland people said we would make it 2 years tops. But it just clicked and worked well for eight years. And now we move one, but the rusty, quirky (yet equally mundane) city will always be very special to me.

[fallingwater]

Originally Posted by Da2ofus

Hi, I am not sure this posting is still "Alive"..I notice that all the postings are older.
I am much like NYMD67. My husbands job has transfered us back where we first started out. I hate it up here. We moved from a small village, population of 600+ in Ohio i to 12 acres of beauty in Kentucky in 2002. We had an electrical fire in 2009 and we lost everything. We had good insurance and built the house of our dreams, worked hard clearing and fencing 5 acres for our horses and cows and were learning to be self sufficient. Husbands job took a turn for the worst and he was on permanent layoff as of Jan 2010, so he put in a transfer for a more sound plant in Indiana. We moved in March and I have hated it ever since. I want to go home so bad, our house is still sitting there for sale and the pasture is getting overgrown. We were able to get a 2nd mortgage and we bought a home after a dreaded 2 month stay in apartments. I HATE it here. The only thing to keep me from crying everyday is to stay as busy as I possibly can. Sadly I am running out of things to do. Hobbies cost money and we are living tight with 2 mortgages.. I just want to go home and hubby won't let me pack my things and go back to Ky.. Please any insight on what might help me adjust here.. I personally think I gave up too much too fast and feeling all the pain.. I had 2 horses, 2 cows and another dog and a few outdoor cats that I had to find homes for and leave behind. There is nothing for me in a subdivision and I am screaming to go home!!!

WOW. I know how you feel! I am glad I found this thread. I know its alittle old but it seems to have breathed new life. I have been in Indiana 2 yrs and I dont know if I will ever adjust. I was actually glad to leave my hometown but this is not really where I wanted to go. My husband got a great job here and I am thankful for that. I really am. When he came back to the hotel letting me know he really wanted the job, I remember feeling disappointed because I got a chance to walk around the neighborhood while he was gone and I was pretty convinced it was not the place for me. But I couldnt give a valid reason to say no when his salary would double.

We rented the first year and I have to say after the first week we were here I knew deep down I didnt like this place. I just kept telling myself I did. Our rental was a dump and since my husband loved his job, he convinced me that once we got a house of our own I would feel more settled. So I focused on the house hunt and that helped because we could afford a lot more home than we ever could in the past. We ended up getting a home that is close to a dream house for me. That was exciting but after 6 months, those old nagging feelings started coming back. Seems like my husband's life really took off here but I have been at a standstill and the more time ticks by I feel low because I constantly feel like I am in a holding pattern that may never end. I dont think we will ever move. My husband hates change and really likes his job. He is also older than me and at this stage in his career it would be very foolish and risky for him to try something else, especially in this economy. So when I think about that, I tend to get really sad because I am pretty sure I am stuck here. I have made no friends. I have really tried too. I just dont fit in for some reason. I have tried hanging out with other couples hoping to maybe at least make a connection with one of my hubby's friend's wives but that has not panned out. In fact, some have been very rude to me. I dont like the women here at all. Sometimes I think back to that day in the hotel room when hubby came back bouncing in the door saying he wants to take the job and if I would have talked him out of it. I wonder where we would be now. He was eager to leave our hometown and pretty much the whole country was open to us. Maybe we should have held out, maybe another job would have surfaced and etc etc....I think I will always wonder.

[Donna7]

Originally Posted by KikiMonster

I have moved areas 6 times in my life--more than I wish--and I have found that on average, it takes me 2 full years to adjust and actually get happy. (This means, that I have wasted 12 perfectly good years missing something I left behind!)

Anyway, here I am in year 1 of a move and really hating it! Of all my moves, this one has been the absolute hardest. I can't figure out if my angst is related to moving-AGAIN--or if it's related to this place. I intend to stick it out at least one more year to ensure that this is not a very bad case of "one-year-itis"---which is what I call the phenomenon that happens to me when I first move.

So it got me curious--how long does it take you to adjust when you have moved?

For me, the pattern has been like this: first 6 months, honeymoon, OH everything is so new and shiny, and yet to be discoverd. Second six months usually include a hard crash and a sturdy: "OH NO, WTF have I done and when I can go home?"

Second year evolves into "OK, I guess I live here, I have some friends but I miss my "real" friends" and by the end of the second year, I usually start genuinely adjusting.

SO, how about you?

Monster

I think it all depends on how badly you want to get out of where you're currently living and how open you are to where you are relocating to. If you're relocating because you "want" to, rather than "have to", the move/adjustment can be very quick. I was on vacation last year in San Diego (the place where I've wanted to relocate to for about a decade now), and I did the things I would if I would live there (as much as possible). I went to the grocery stores, library, post office, etc., and I could envision myself living there easily. Even though I was there by myself, I felt completely comfortable with the area.

Yes, I do agree, it it does matter if you have "friends" in the area. Most of my "friends" consist of business associates and a good number of them living in the SD area. Yes, this would be very important. It does take time to build even a small, reliable group of friends. However, it's easier if you are congruent with where you are living. If you hate living somewhere or are miserable, it makes everything ten times as hard.

[AnywhereElse]

We have moving for 30 years and it takes 2 years to know if the move is a bust or not. If after 2 years, you are still unhappy with the situation that the move produced, it has been our experience that it never gets better but just picks up speed going down hill.

[shazja]

I moved from a busy city after 22yrs in quite a rough area, which i so wanted to get away from into a small quite village with small town which is more friendly and people actually smile here, even tho its generally a nicer area, it feels alien am finding it hard to be myself i dont understand the new way of life, its weird. I lost 1 and half stone due to anxiety worry and just not feeling comfortable in my new area and home. When i go back to my old city i feel totally anxious free. Am very depressed and a feeling of loss and grief i feel quite unhappy and very anxious with panic attacks. Every morning i say to myself when is this going to stop? when am i going to feel relaxed? and so forth. WELL its been 3months now surely i should'nt feel anxious still even inside my home alone? Am afraid to go to new supermarkets/doctors into the small town, as everything feels weird. I was so used to such a big city and after being there so many years there was no anxiety it seemed normall for me, people say to me they would be more afriad living inthe rough city i moved from, that that would frighten them. So i guess its what one is used to that makes one comfortable. Anyone else relate to any of this? and how long did it take YOU to feel comfortable? Im thinking of running back to the City just to feel comfortable again, but i know i would prob regret it and wonder how lovely it could have been if i stuck it out in the nicer area! but am so stressed and unhappy here as i dont feel at ease with the new life. Its strange tho when i moved to the City in my 20s from a town next to the one ive moved too, i didnt feel anxious atall it did'nt bother me atall it took a while to get to know it tho, MUST BE CULTURE SHOCK FROM A BUSY PLACE TO SUCH A QUITE PLACE. Has anyone else had simular experiences? .......

[cxjonz]

The process of adjustment from moving to a different location is one to three years on average. Some persons are not successful. The two groups that have the greater adjustment difficulties are teenagers and the elderly whom have had long terms of residing in one location.