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Americans are often not very outgoing, especially in the Bay Area, and we are not very spontaneous either, you have to schedule something far in advance with us whereas Europeans will just drop by and go and do something on a whim. And Americans are scared to death of strangers.
I think Americans who live in big cities in general are not very outgoing or spontaneous. Americans who live many years overseas and then return to the USA have same problems developing close friendships with people here in the USA.
@clonggirl: I am indeed a munster fan (up the reds! :-) ) and am from Wicklow, do you watch the matches from home or head into any of the Irish bars in town?
@MrFantastic: I've tried inviting people out twice, as mayorhagger says, over here you really need to give people a lot of notice, which is fair enough but I've found as a meetup gets closer most people flake out.
@Gentoo: definitely agree with that, as soon as people hear my accent they are immediately both interested and suspicious of me in fairly equal measures :-)
@Crystal: try telling that to lady who lives above me, sits on her balcony every night talking to her dog about her day & problems she is experiencing. Every day at 6pm the streets are full of single people walking their dogs with headphones on & staring down at the ground, no one communicates.
@Mayerhagger: Cannot speak for the UK & France, but in Ireland you can normally just start talking to someone in a bar / sports event / whereever & have some fun..... normally doing that over here results in very strange looks (why are you talking to me) followed by a quick escape.
Sounds about right, both wary and inquisitive.
Someone else mentioned that we need a lot of notice and this too is true. Americans in general are also rather busy and stressed out betwwen working, sometimes two jobs or even three, schooling if any is invovled and running errands. We also I think worker longer hours than the average European although I could be wrong about that. We just don't have as much time to be spontaneous.
Someone else mentioned that we need a lot of notice and this too is true. Americans in general are also rather busy and stressed out betwwen working, sometimes two jobs or even three, schooling if any is invovled and running errands. We also I think worker longer hours than the average European although I could be wrong about that. We just don't have as much time to be spontaneous.
I have a friend that says every single time I see her, "We've gotta go out one of these nights!" I've told her "Yes, any Friday or Saturday is great- give me a call" and nearly a whole year has passed w/o it ever happening. Now I just roll my eyes now.
It's just doesn't seem to be a priority in our culture. I think people here want to appear very busy--busier than they need to be.
My husband even worked more back in Ireland (and even had to commute 4hrs a day) yet we had a very busy social calendar. People would literally just show up at the door, even at dinner time---totally unheard of here! We'd put the kettle on to boil for tea and shove some cookies onto a plate--instant party!
I don't think it's an American vs. European thing as much as an American vs. Brit/Irish thing or really a Brit/Irish vs.The World thing. I'm sure if you go to Italy or France you'll find the same or a greater degree of insularity as in the U.S. To be honest, the world views the Brits and Irish as being somewhat obnoxiously loud and extroverted, particulalry when drunk. Sorry but that's the truth. Italian society, which I'm very familiar with, is even more insular than the U.S. as people there generally stick to friends and family they've known their whole lives. They don't generally even mix with Italians from other parts of Italy. Although the Southern Italians love Americans (Brits?, not so much.)
I don't think it's an American vs. European thing as much as an American vs. Brit/Irish thing. I'm sure if you go to Italy or France you'll find the same or a greater degree of insularity as in the U.S. To be honest, the world views the Brits and Irish as being somewhat obnoxiously loud and extroverted, particulalry when drunk. Sorry but that's the truth. Italian society, which I'm very familiar with, is even more insular than the U.S. as people there generally stick to friends and family they've known their whole lives.
Wow, talk about stereotyping
Obviously you have not been to France or Italy much, I spent 3 months driving through southern europe (Spain, South France & Italy) when I finished college and met endless locals who could not do enough to welcome you to their village and where fascinated why I would visit their region, even though there was a major language barrier. Of course in the cities people tend to be busier as is life.
Also, its really really hard for me being Irish, but when I'm in work, playing rugby or attending a social event I try not to be completely drunk all of the time
A friend of mine always gets into conversations with random people when we go out to bars.
Send me a PM if you ever want to meet in a bar for a pint and some craic (note to mods, it's an Irish term for conversation, not drugs!), I could do with meeting some new people.
Obviously you have not been to France or Italy much, I spent 3 months driving through southern europe (Spain, South France & Italy) when I finished college and met endless locals who could not do enough to welcome you to their village and where fascinated why I would visit their region, even though there was a major language barrier. Of course in the cities people tend to be busier as is life.
Also, its really really hard for me being Irish, but when I'm in work, playing rugby or attending a social event I try not to be completely drunk all of the time
You asked for our opinions and I gave you mine. Sorry it's not what you wanted to hear, that there's something dysfunctional about my country's culture. If you can't deal with it by changing your approach or your expectations perhaps you'll be happier somewhere else. Also, if you're here working, perhaps there's an American who could use that job.
And no, while we do like our dogs, we don't consider them a substitute for human contact.
Americans are often not very outgoing, especially in the Bay Area, and we are not very spontaneous either, you have to schedule something far in advance with us whereas Europeans will just drop by and go and do something on a whim.
Also, Americans are picky, picky, picky. I don't know how it is in other countries, but here, if you want someone to hang out with you, it has to be just the right day at just the right time at just the right place. I think because Americans are so used to having so many choices consumer-wise, they think they should be able to handcraft get togethers and have the moment specifically tailored to them. If it's not exactly when and where they want, they won't go. The only exception is birthdays. Your bday is the one time people will put up with not having a say in plans.
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