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I am curious to know what you think about the link between your city/ where you live and happiness. How much is happiness determined by where you live? How much do family/friends have to do with it? I have been thinking about this a lot as I moved to a new city about a year and a half ago and have found it difficult to be happy here.
I think my perfect city would be something like a cheaper, warmer, more laid-back San Francisco (love the history, beauty, hills and neighborhoods) and yet I am living in a very flat, suburban-feeling, small city.
I also left all my friends to move here to be closer to family, only to find I prefer my friends! I find it is a lot harder to make friends as an adult and don't feel like I can relate to many people in a family-oriented town (I'm single, no kids).
And yet, it seems as if I should be able to happy anywhere really. I mean happiness is supposed to come from within, right? There are good things about this place...but my lease is about up and I wonder if I shouldn't move somewhere else. Just not sure where I would go except back to my small hometown (very few opportunities) or try moving somewhere else altogether.
Logic says that your happiness does come from within, and if your unhappy in one city you will likely be unhappy in another, but logic and real life often dont match..lol.
As for me I live in a area where im close to family and 95% of my friends, but I think I would be happier in a larger city with a faster pace of life, than I am in a mid size metro with a slower pace. In the end its all about what you want in life, and that shouldnt be determined by nobody else other than you.
I have thought about this concept quite a bit, acutally. I came to the conclusion that location has little to do with happiness. Just a little. I think it's human nature (for some of us) to think that life could be better somewhere else. And once you get to that new place, sure, life will feel refreshing again, but after 6 months, the novelty wears off and before you know it, you'll be looking to relocate yet again. The fact of the matter is that we cannot be everywhere at the same time. It makes more sense to settle in one place for the long term, and simply take vacations to visit other places. Being in one place means not being in another place. And this rule of thumb holds true for no matter where you are.
I have found that the biggest factor in happiness is feeling good about yourself and maintaining healthy relationships with other people, whether you are introverted or extraverted. Be financially responsible for yourself, eat healthy, exercise and just be the best you can be. Location shouldn't matter.
I guarantee you, if you move to a new place, you will find new problems.
I have concluded that the only logical reasons to relocate to a new area include the following:
Cost of living in your current place becomes impossible to keep up with; preventing you from saving enough money.
It becomes impossible to find suitable employment in your current place, therefore requiring you to search for jobs elsewhere.
To be with your significant other, or family members.
To escape increasing crime, poverty and other negative attributes of your current place.
To be closer to your work location.
The reasons above do not invoke a random, feel-good, grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side decision to move. If you move as a result of any of the five factors above, you will likely not be kicking yourself for making a mistake.
Everyone is different. I grew up in Delaware and went to college in Virginia. My first job was in Boston - it was my first big city and I loved it. I was soon transferred to Wilmington and sunk into a funk. After a few years, I went to KC - a nice city, but isolated for this East Coast boy. The biggest problem for me there was that it was landlocked and I missed access to salt water. I was thrilled to get to Houston, which was so different from anything I knew on the East Coast, plus, I could slip down to Galveston when I needed my salt water fix. The "foreignness" gave me a whole new outlook on what constitutes a city and offered a different lifestyle from anything I could have ever had back east. After about 15 years, the novelty wore off and I found myself longing for urbanity, four seasons, and access to interesting countryside and day trips. My personal happiness has increased since the move to Philly.
I have always made the best of each place I live. That said, some cities have been better fits at different times in my life and I've been happier living in some of them than in others.
Location: Austin, TX/Chicago, IL/Houston, TX/Washington, DC
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Originally Posted by jm02
I was thrilled to get to Houston, which was so different from anything I knew on the East Coast, plus, I could slip down to Galveston when I needed my salt water fix. The "foreignness" gave me a whole new outlook on what constitutes a city and offered a different lifestyle from anything I could have ever had back east.
I have always made the best of each place I live. That said, some cities have been better fits at different times in my life and I've been happier living in some of them than in others.
Sounds like you had a special connection with Houston, but it also sounds like it had to "grow" on you for a bit until it developed on you.
For me, I've lived in Houston for about 12 years, and at first I hated it a lot. It was just one of those cities that I took for granted because I didn't know everything it had. After going to Austin (for school) I've found myself to miss Houston a lot, infinitely more. My parents live in Houston, and I can always go back there to enjoy it now, but living elsewhere has really opened the doors to how much I miss some places more so than others. And you're right, there is something about living on the coast and near it that cant be replicated in landlocked cities.
It's always been something I've loved about Houston in addition to that too, inland enough to be safe, coastal enough to enjoy it to the fullest during summer.
I agree. People have different ideas of what happiness is. I have a few theories of my own.
First of all, I believe there is a direct correlation between the COL and happiness. I've lived in a number of higher cost areas and from what I can see it seems like people in those places are generally less happy. There is so much focus placed on careers and work in order to save money to get the house, put their kids into good schools, etc etc- all because those items cost a lot more in those areas- that in turn these people become more akin to robots. I live in San Francisco and that is definitely the case here even though I believe they're way more laid back here than on the east coast.
Weather is another factor. There might even be scientific reasons to back this up. Its been proven that Vitamin D makes you feel generally happier. If you live in an area that has more dreary, bleak weather, chances are you're going to feel more depressed. I know that when I lived on the East Coast I was definitely blue most of the winter. The weather was depressing. Of course that's not the case for everyone. Some people don't mind weather.
Another factor is I think the feeling of wanting to either fit in or find community. This is why people join clubs, music groups, hobby enthusiast groups, sports teams, and so on and so on: Its a means to form community and hopefully meet others of like minds. People that move to new cities might have a difficult time adjusting and getting to know new people. I am a country boy and I still don't really feel like I fit in. But I have joined a number of group organizations outside of the city in the sticks and made some good friends. That's made a big difference to me.
Yet another is that I think that deep down inside even if its subconsciously people always think of wherever they were born as being "home". It seems so often that people who for example- move from the West coast to the East Coast and vice-versa try to seek out the same characteristics of wherever they came from. I can't tell you how many times I've been to a ball game and the opposing East Coast team has more local fans than the home team. That or there's people who complain about bagels and other Northeastern food- or lack thereof. Likewise I am still rather attached to my Southern roots. I sort of have a nostalgic feeling for back there- the easier, slower lifestyle, summer days on the lake, rural back roads, fried food, and generally outgoing people. Of course a lot of that is highly romanticized but given that where I live now is so entirely different I sometimes feel homesick. My entire family lives back there too.
As far as my happiness and where I live now, well I really don't have anything to complain about. I am married to a wonderful woman. We both have great jobs. I used to make diddly squat for a living but now we do pretty well and for that I am grateful. We don't own a house but rent a really nice house for not a lot of money from a landlord who doesn't raise the rent and likes us. We could probably move to another city and state and buy a house if we wanted. Then again that makes me nervous even with a somewhat improved economy. I think what bothers me the most in this area is the COL. Like I said- I think this single aspect really puts a damper on most aspects of daily living here. This is why I think so many people from this and other high cost areas are trying to escape to somewhere else that isn't as costly. They aren't necessarily escaping the costs, but the type of culture high cost of living fosters- the constant non-stop seeking of money and material wealth- or the difficulty in obtaining it. Like I said- I have a lot to be thankful for. But I want to get out of here someday.
Sounds like you had a special connection with Houston, but it also sounds like it had to "grow" on you for a bit until it developed on you.
Actually, I had the opposite experience. After KC, I embraced Houston. I was thrilled to be living in a major city with high energy and world class restaurants and culture. As an easterner, I also marveled at the palm trees decorated for Christmas and overdoing the margaritas on the patio at Cafe Adobe in January.
It was only about after 15 years or so my orientation shifted from indoors to outdoors. Another great meal or another great play at the Alley started to become variations on a theme. I started to miss topographical variety and beautiful get-aways within an hour or two. I reached a point where I was ready to leave.
The one thing I will miss most about Houston is the diversity. Not just the anglo/african american/hispanic/asian thing, but the global nature of the city. It was amazing to me to sit in an inner loop restaurant and not only see the diversity, but hear people speaking several different European languages. I don't think people realize just how international a city Houston is. It's a city with many faults, but also many unique and special qualities.
I too have heard some great things about Houston. Its funny because it seems to be one of those cities off the radar of other folks who seem to always focus their attention on Austin. I've thought about it myself but the one factor that turns me off is that it sounds like the weather there- the hot and humid summers- are brutal.
I would say that my environment (region/city/neighborhood/lot/house) greatly influences the quality of my life and my overall happiness, but those qualities aren't necessarily exclusive only to here. Having settled into a corner of my city that I consider, if not perfect, darn close, I am very cognizant of the qualities of this space that make it so special.
I can honestly say that if I won $100 million in the lottery I would not move, and I live in a very modest house in a modest neighborhood, but it is a little corner in this city that has that a perfect mix of topography, trees, historic architecture and village-like planning that fosters easy and frequent connections to your neighbors and thus new friends. The weather is great (too mild), downtown is fun (but not amazing), swimming with sharks and dolphins in the ocean invigorating (the ocean is too cold), but, its the little cul-de-sac of great friends, a village neighborhood just up the street, a downtown I can walk to-accessible culture (and an awesome garden) that is most important. Its expensive here and I'm just eeking by with income in a job I love, so its not perfect.
Even in this nice city though, like most, there is about 80% of it that I would not be any where near as happy- including multi-million dollar neighborhoods. But, I think there is that 10-20% of many cities that have a similar, progressive yet settled vibe that it would at least seem that I could find my niche.
Of those I've been to: San Luis Obisbo, Los Angeles (might be too big) San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Denver, Boston, DC- of those I haven't (or at least as an adult) but seem like they might: Anne Arbor, Chicago, Minneapolis, Columbus, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh (love the hills and trees) all would potentially make the list.
Having said that, the weather and distinctly different environments (grittier cities) might stop me in my tracks and making new friends is challenging as you get older so I'm sure there would be months if not years in any new place (as it was here) that would be iffy at best. And as others have noted- you gotta have a decent job to make it in any of these cities so the local economy, availability of jobs in your field and cost of living ultimately may decide everything.
I like to think of myself as very adaptable and ready for change, but I'm only human.
I too have heard some great things about Houston. Its funny because it seems to be one of those cities off the radar of other folks who seem to always focus their attention on Austin. I've thought about it myself but the one factor that turns me off is that it sounds like the weather there- the hot and humid summers- are brutal.
You are right. The summers are long and absolutely brutal in terms of heat and mugginess. On the other hand, the winters are generally quite pleasant in Houston. For years, I told myself that the trade off was equal - I'd endure the summers to enjoy the winters in HOU, just as I used to endure the winters to enjoy the summers up north. After a while, however, I realized that as nice as the Houston winters are, the sun still sets at 5, leaving considerably less time to enjoy the pleasant time of the year. Ultimately, the irony for me is having spent my first winter back up north, I've really enjoyed the winter. To each his own, but 4 distinct seasons rocks for me.
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