Really easier to meet/keep new friends in large/transient places vs. small/settled places? (apartment)

[wander_x]

I think the general notion is that big cities make it easier to meet new people. However, big cities are often very transient, with people moving in for a few years to work but eventually moving on. Also, in a big city people are often busy in every direction, may live far apart from each other, and with traffic/commutes have less free time to commit to meeting new friends. Of course there are more options (meetup groups, more activities/events, etc), but sometimes it's hard to repeatedly see the same people enough to form close relationships, without a lot of effort from both parties. At least in my experience so far, it seems a lot of people live in apartment buildings yet barely know the neighbors next door.

In a smaller and more settled place, I've always heard there are fewer total people to meet, more settled families, and friend groups that are established but less welcoming to newcomers not from that area. With fewer events and less overall to do, there may be fewer opportunities to run into new people. But still, wouldn't it be easier to keep new friends when the overall environment is simpler and there's fewer obstacles of traffic/distance, and people stay in the same place for more than a couple years?

In your experience, do you find it true that it's easier to meet new friends in large cities? What about actually keeping those friends long-term?

[wander_x]

Anyone have personal experience with whether it is truly easier to make friends (and keep them) in a larger transient city vs a smaller more settled area?

[blueskywalker]

I think it has more to do with how open people are in any given community.
Small towns can be provincial and closed or they can be relaxed, happy and open.
There are so many variables.
Different parts of the country are more and less open.
Very rural and isolated communities can be difficult. People tend to be closed and, dare i say, depressed.
The transient nature of a city can make it more easy to be with people because there's an open and tolerance for difference, diversity, etc. or it can have the opposite effect because there's too little sense of community.
In cities, pockets / neighborhoods are so important for a sense of strong community.
So if one is going to live in a city (especially a big one) finding that right neighborhood is super important.
For me a small to reasonably sized community that has some degree of movement is best. College towns are good in this regard. Or even some resort communities. Although resort communities have their own challenges. There is a sense of being bubbled which is both good and bad.
So, to me, an influx of people is good as well as a solid and grounded sense of community and belonging and loyalty / commitment to the community even if the community is ones neighborhood in a big city.

[bawac34618]

Originally Posted by blueskywalker

In cities, pockets / neighborhoods are so important for a sense of strong community.
So if one is going to live in a city (especially a big one) finding that right neighborhood is super important.

Completely agree with this. Oklahoma City overall is a small, conservative, provincial community that is pretty closed off to outsiders. However, neighborhoods surrounding downtown are a lot more open and accepting of newcomers and are more diverse. In most of the city and suburbs, if you aren't married with 2.5 kids, are not a native Oklahoman, don't like to hunt/fish, are not evangelical, and/or are not Republican, you can forget having a social life.

This same thing can be applied to many smaller cities throughout the country. Larger and more transient cities that are experiencing an influx of growth are usually more open and easier to assimilate to no matter what part of the city you live in. Austin and Charlotte come to mind.