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Child support laws are horribly one-sided. For example, if a woman has a kid and hides the child's birth from the father, but later files for support, the man can be made to pay support dating back to the child's birth. How is that fair if the man never knew he had a child in the first place? Similarly, if a man supports a child thinking it is his, but the mother lied about the child's paternity, shouldn't he be entitled to recoup the money he'd be defrauded out of? So long as the laws allow the biological father to pay back child support then the non-biologically related man should be reimbursed while the mother files for support from the bio-dad, correct?
I am a woman and I completely agree! I see way too many sneaky, manipulative, irresponsible women using child support for their benefit not the childs. Then they play mind games with the child saying their dad is a deadbeat or doesn't want to support them or whatever.
I think paternity tests should be mandatory in family court. You know if a man questions a childs paternity and the child does turn out to be his that the mother will hold that over his head and probably tell the child for the rest of his life. That does nothing but harm the child!
Of course not all women are like this but the ones who are make us all look bad!
You touched on something I strongly agree with: Mandatory Paternity Testing. At a minimum it should be required in CS determination hearings, if not in general at birth. If the former it'll at least prevent women from defrauding innocent men. If the latter it'll also prevent some women from defrauding innocent men, as well as protect the child from being deceived. It's also got the added benefit of protecting the biological father's rights as women would know they had to be forthcoming knowing they'd be caught out if MPT was the standard.
I have not heard of cases where the mother hid the birth then years later filed for support. Not that it hasn’t happened. I believe these type cases would be difficult to determine if the birth was deliberately hidden or if the father couldn’t be found. I think, if the father cant be found, the mother should have to file papers with the court naming the father and showing she did try to notify him of the birth. I don’t think arrearage should have to be paid if there was no knowledge of the birth.
If a couple is not married at the time of the birth, the "father" must sign an acknowledgment of paternity. If a husband is doubtful of paternity, he should request a DNA test. Otherwise he is assumed the father and thus responsible for the child born within a marriage.
What is one sided about support and custody is that the courts are slow if not negligent in assessing current CS amounts considering lost wages and willful contempt in allowing access to the non custodial parent.
I think everyone should pay. Everything done to a man, should be enforce upon a woman. It's sexist to think only man should pay. I know several men who's deadbeat moms don't pay. I know it's some terrible moms trying to screw the dads. How about the women, where the system isn't pressuring to pay. If a man goes to CS to file for support, he's weak. The case worker will look at him and say, "you want child support from her".
My xhubs filed for 3 children by his xwife. The worker said, those words to him. The mom skipped town. They told him to forward the address. He did and nothing came of it.
To me it's case by case. I can't make blanket statements because I realize everything is subject to abuse. But, generally speaking, both mother and father should contribute to the raising of a child. That can be time and/or money.
I am a woman, and I paid child support to my ex husband. He took all of the kids after our divorce, and kept our house. He also wanted alimony...that is a for real! What I found annoying about it, is that when my kids came to see me for the summer, christmas, whatever... they were wearing old clothes, had horrible hair cuts, needed basic things...so, I ended up buying the stuff anyway, that the child support should have covered. I also paid for them to have ski lessons, piano lessons, anything extra that they needed, I paid for it. My daughter wanted to be a cheerleader last year for her senior year...and it was pricey...did my ex pay a dime? No! I paid for everything, including her senior pictures, and her hair to be done...
Well, tirade over...at least I got rid of him. Now, the kids are in college, and is he paying a DIME? Nope...cars, car insurance, books, fees, everything...not a penny.
If a woman gets a right to choose, then a man should have the right to choose as well. IF the man tells the woman up front, and releases all parental rights, then the woman should be on her own, period.
I am a woman and I completely agree! I see way too many sneaky, manipulative, irresponsible women using child support for their benefit not the childs. Then they play mind games with the child saying their dad is a deadbeat or doesn't want to support them or whatever.
I think paternity tests should be mandatory in family court. You know if a man questions a childs paternity and the child does turn out to be his that the mother will hold that over his head and probably tell the child for the rest of his life. That does nothing but harm the child!
Of course not all women are like this but the ones who are make us all look bad!
Paternity tests are pretty much mandatory in family court/child support/visitation hearings.
If a couple is not married at the time of the birth, the "father" must sign an acknowledgment of paternity. If a husband is doubtful of paternity, he should request a DNA test. Otherwise he is assumed the father and thus responsible for the child born within a marriage.
Good in theory, not so much in practice. That's why I think MPT is the way to go--it completely sidesteps the emotional/verbal berating men almost always get for suggesting the kid might not be theirs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12
I am a woman, and I paid child support to my ex husband. He took all of the kids after our divorce, and kept our house. He also wanted alimony...that is a for real! What I found annoying about it, is that when my kids came to see me for the summer, christmas, whatever... they were wearing old clothes, had horrible hair cuts, needed basic things...so, I ended up buying the stuff anyway, that the child support should have covered. I also paid for them to have ski lessons, piano lessons, anything extra that they needed, I paid for it. My daughter wanted to be a cheerleader last year for her senior year...and it was pricey...did my ex pay a dime? No! I paid for everything, including her senior pictures, and her hair to be done...
Well, tirade over...at least I got rid of him. Now, the kids are in college, and is he paying a DIME? Nope...cars, car insurance, books, fees, everything...not a penny.
That's something else that needs to be fixed: accountability. The problem is that modern child support is less about support for the kids and more about being back-door alimony for all intents and purposes. The proper solution IMO is to split up the costs of raising the kids, then divide them up along percentage of custody and pro-rate CS rates by how much it takes to balance the costs. For example:
Say the total bills equal $10,000 for the year and both parents have 50/50 joint custody, then both should have to pay about the same and really no CS should even be required. However, if one parent say has 75% custody and is incurring 75% of the costs, then IMO the non-custodial parent should only owe the custodial parent that missing 25% so to even the bills out so both are paying half. Sucks for the non-custodial parent to be paying for the child who they don't get to see evenly, but that brings me to another point...
Default Equal Custody. If for some reason one parent is unfit and the other parent can prove it, great, then modify the custody arrangement accordingly. But handing over the kids to mom by default and giving dad 1 day a week + 1 weekend a month is just wrong IMO. Fix custody and the CS amounts will largely fix themselves.
Lastly, stop giving federal money to the states for collecting child support. It's a huge conflict of interest in that it's an incentive to create as much acrimony as possible as well as wealth transfer. As Stephen Baskerville pointed out in Taken Into Custody, it's in the state's best interest to give the kids to the lower earning parent so to ensure CS payments by the higher earning spouse and thus collecting their monies from the federal govt. This is why the CS payments are a division of income, not on actual costs of raising the child. If they went with the latter the amounts they'd have to transfer would drop like a rock and that would hurt the state's bottom line.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Memphis1979
I've said it many times.
If a woman gets a right to choose, then a man should have the right to choose as well. IF the man tells the woman up front, and releases all parental rights, then the woman should be on her own, period.
I agree, but only if it's in that 3 months when women are able to opt for an abortion. In fact, what you're talking about has a name: "paper abortion" and "male abortion". Currently the system is set up to effect her body, her choice, his responsibility. Meaning that she gets to choose the course of action unilaterally once pregnant and the man has no say. That's neither fair or equal as it puts his reproductive rights in the hands of another. While I don't agree with abortion at all, and paper abortion is no better IMO, it does balance the playing field and give both parties equal rights in that they would both then have the opportunity to choose to be a parent even after insemination.
Last edited by Nutz76; 11-03-2010 at 05:10 AM..
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