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I have to agree with all the women here. I have never been attacked except by an uncle so I learned from an early age that it was me or them, and I have no problem being loud about it.
I took a self-defense course that wasn't physical; just taught you ways to hold your body and how to be confident. That alone has helped me not get attacked in the first place, but if I were, I have been running over those scenarios in my mind so often that I can only hope I would actually react the way I have convinced myself I would.
I look every person in the eye, my head up and looking around me in all directions. I walk tall, upright, with good posture. I learned that if you drag your feet, or you are always looking at the ground, you are perceived as "weak", so I do everything in my power to make it look like I will kick your ass if you even think about coming near me. I always park near a lighting source that I know works, even if it's daylight, in case I am there longer than I thought. I do not carry a purse; instead, I carry a thin wallet in my pocket and I carry my keys on a carabiner around a belt loop of my pants or jeans. This is at work or after hours, it doesn't matter. My keys have a flashlight and my car key has a panic button that I have used once when I thought someone was following me from the store.
When I was a teenager, I worked at a shoe store in the mall, and I was walking out after we had closed. A man came up to me in the parking lot and I brandished my "key hand" at him and went into a basic Tae Kwon Do fighting position (my brother showed me). I yelled at him to "Get the f away from me, I will kick your f'ing ass, mofo..." and he raised up his hands and started backing away. He said he'd only wanted to know if I had a light (matches or lighter). "Yeah SURE that's what you wanted, mofo..." He walked quickly away.
I was shaking so bad when I got in my car I couldn't turn the key at first, but that one incident gave me a lot of power. Even today, I'm not stupid, I know I will get my ass kicked, but they are going to know I was there if I have anything to do with it!
Later, my dad asked why I had started cursing at him, and I said I was throwing him off guard. Most people who are bent on robbing you don't really want a fight. And they don't like crazy people because they know they are unpredictable. So when I unleashed on him, that guy was freaked out.
I feel bad for the poor Good Samaritan who just wants to let you know you've dropped your credit card or your skirt is tucked into your panty hose. Shame on those who are just trying to help...
If you aren't a woman you will never understand that we are perceived as much more lightweight than men. You don't see men chasing after other men in parking lots (unless they are gang members or it's drug-related).
And as a man, perhaps you guys should think twice before approaching a woman alone in the parking lot after dark, no matter what you were going to do for her. If you really want to help her, watch as she gets in her car and make sure she gets out of there okay. You're doing much more help by being our backup than making us afraid of what you really want.
Once afternoon, I was grabbing a few groceries and there was a guy who was following me, who said, "Miss? Ma'am? Excuse me? Miss?" I kept walking faster and threw my groceries in the car and immediately started to back out. He came close to my car and said, "Can I get a few dollars for gas?" I kept going. Even if he really just wanted gas money, I'm not going to open up my wallet in front of him. What if he grabs the whole thing?
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Originally Posted by spencgr
I feel bad for the poor Good Samaritan who just wants to let you know you've dropped your credit card or your skirt is tucked into your panty hose. Shame on those who are just trying to help...
I'm thankful for the Good Samaritans out there, but I understand where Pinkmani is coming from. Parking lots aren't really the most comfortable place for a sole woman to stop and talk to a strange man who's pursued her all the way to her car for money even after she ignored him, especially if the parking lot isn't busy. Too many variables there. Right or wrong, sometimes a person just looks sketchy and gives you the creeps. I personally would called out and said I didn't have any cash, but if her instincts told her that she was threatened or about to be assaulted, she had two choices: fight or flight. Driving off was the best choice for her in that situation.
My aunt was raped in a parking lot in the middle of the day about ten years ago. This stuff does happen.
It absolutely does happen. But it doesn't normally begin with the assailant being polite ("Excuse me", "Ma'am", etc) I'm not saying you shouldn't listen to your instincts, but not everyone in a parking lot is out to get you.
Of course not. But why take chances or waste time trying to evaluate the risk? I live in a small, safe town now where I feel completely confident that someone would come assist me if I were being bothered in a parking lot (which is highly unlikely here, anyway), but when I've lived in large cities, I didn't feel that way at all, so I wouldn't engage with strangers in such situations.
There's no reason a man can't just yell from 10 or 15 feet away, "Ma'am, you dropped your (fill in the blank)." That gives you enough time to glance down to see if in fact you did, but not enough time for them to reach you and do any harm. They don't need to follow and pester you.
Oddly enough, the only time I have ever felt threatened in a parking lot was by another woman. I came out of Walmart with my toddler in the cart, and this woman came from beside the store, carrying a diaper bag but no child, and walked right up behind me, less than two feet away. I had worked earlier that day and had my boxcutter in my pocket. When I got to the car, I took it out and turned around. My husband was there too and he had his knife out also, without us discussing it so he must have been feeling the same weird vibe I was. The woman turned around and walked back toward the store.
I live in an area a lot of people would consider a rough area, and I walk my dogs at night. I carry a stick when I walk, but that's for the wild dogs that roam the area, not because I'm afraid of people. I have to say, some women need to be a lot more aware. The ones who are using headphones never notice me or my dogs until we're right behind them. Anyone could sneak up on them and just pull them into a ditch.
As a guy, it's interesting to see the responses. Having taking some self defense classes, caring a lot about my wife, Mom, and other women I have a couple of tips.
1. Situational awareness is much more important than anything including fighting ability. If you get a bad vibe it's probably correct, trust your instinct.
2. The best non lethal weapon for home, probably too big for purse, is wasp spray. It shoots 30 feet and burns like
3. When I was a little guy and lived with my single Mom I can't forget the nice advice the policeman whom came to our elementary school said.........If you hear someone in your house bluff and yell go get the gun now! I did that and heard someone running off that night.
Oh and lastly even the guys I know of with multi black belts and many street fights under the belt carry a pocket pistol and a CCW, something like a Ruger LCP .380.
Don't want to highjack just offering some helpful advice, hopefully.
For most of the winter/late fall/early spring, it's dark before I even get home from working my 9-5. I would be in real trouble if I was afraid of the dark.
I've lived in cities for about 7 years. Before I had a car, I'd need to walk to wherever I was going and whatever errands I needed to run. Sometimes, that meant a mile walk to the grocery store after work. Sometimes, that meant just walking home from work when it gets dark at 4:30. I keep my wits about me, stay on well-lit streets, and don't make myself a target. When I walked home from work in the dark, I switched to a cross-body purse because that was just way too much effort for someone to snatch.
If I'm on a subway car late at night, I just make sure that I get on the most crowded car. It does make me feel uncomfortable when I'm the only woman with a small group of men in the car... just because that's when I'm most vulnerable.
I am usually fairly aware of my surroundings, but I'm probably not as careful or worried as I should be.
I remember once taking a lunchtime walk in an area of lower Manhattan on streets I'd never known existed. There was no one in sight--weird for the middle of the day on a Manhattan street, and the whole area was old warehouses with doors right on the sidewalks, a step or two from the narrow street itself. I was thinking, "Wow, I didn't know these streets were here..." and a minute later I thought, "Gee, someone could haul me into one of these doorways and murder me and I'd disappear and no one would know what happened to me." I moved to the middle of the street, just in case, lol.
No one has ever tried to attack me and I have little fear they would and I believe much of that just has to do with the fact that I am 6'1" tall.
Think about it--if you were a mugger, who would you hit--Bea Arthur or Betty White?
I normally don't feel unsafe being out after dark. I frequently walk my dogs late at night, like 1am or so, and sometimes we walk to Walgreens. I don't think the likelihood of me being hurt is significant. I live in a typical middle class suburb with very little crime but even when I've lived in "bad" neighborhoods I don't normally feel unsafe. There are areas that I find creepy and that will scare me but it's more of a "fear of the dark" kind of thing than an actual fear that I will be harmed by another person (pathetic, I know).
I believe that the danger that people perceive to exist is exaggerated. The world isn't as dangerous as some seem to think. Some people won't let their kids play outside due to fear of pedophiles and some women never go out after dark due to fear of being attacked. The media makes it sound like kidnappings, rapes and murders are commonplace in America today. Many believe that these things have even become more common, so things one could safely do 30-40 years ago are no longer safe to do, like taking a walk after dark. Considering this I don't believe one should see a group of women's fear of traveling after dark as a sign of the risk that women are in or of the precautions they have to take to stay safe. In reality women aren't at a higher risk of being a victim of crime than men.
However, even though the risk of harm, especially things like a sexual assault by a stranger, isn't high it doesn't mean that one should take no precautions. Don't take risks that are unnecessary. Be very careful when you drink since being intoxicated puts you at a higher risk of being a victim. Don't wear/show expensive stuff that may be something that someone would want to steal, especially in certain areas. Stuff like that. I don't think you need to be afraid of things like going to Walmart at 1 in the morning, though.
Not really. Never lived in a high crime area so never really felt unsafe, night or day. I like to take walks at night as its more peaceful then and I've never felt worried or scared (apart from walking across pitch black fields but that was more from a childish fear of the dark). My mum did teach me to walk with my keys in my hand but I don't do that anymore.
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Spoken like a clueless man
