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The only child-free day that we (child-free) currently celebrate is International Child-free Day on August 1st of each year (International Childfree Day | Celebrating Childfree Men and Women Around the World). But, as a child-free woman, I think child-free women and child-free men should have their own celebratory days rather than being lumped into one celebratory day (August 1st). I think Child-free Women's Day should be celebrated on the first Sunday in June and Child-free Men's Day should be celebrated on the second Sunday in June. (Father's Day is the third Sunday in June.)
So here are my questions to child-free C-D members (parents are free to offer their input as well):
1. Should we establish and start celebrating Child-free Women's Day and Child-free Men's Day?
2. If no, then why not, and if yes, then what dates would you recommend?
By the way, we don't need congressional approval to establish celebratory days; all we need is our own approval, no one else's. I'll be gathering opinions and input from at least 20 – 30 other child-free forums, blogs, websites, etc. over the next couple of months as I would like to have a definitive answer no later than the end of this year .
Will the last child free man, woman, couple in America please turn out the lights.
Last edited by Mistermobile; 05-20-2015 at 01:49 PM..
Reason: Grammar
I don't think it's stupid at all. If you want to celebrate, by all means do it and enjoy!
I do however find sites like Brat Free and terms like "breeders" to be offensive. And they are meant to offend and belittle those who choose to parent. Perhaps some people would be more accommodating to the child free if terms like this were no longer used.
I agree, we do not need terms that can be/sound offensive, in order to make ourselves feel better. In this day in age we all should be happy with each others decisions, as long as they do not affect our own. Making the choice of having or not having children is something very personal. Something that we all should respect and embrace.
Myself, being the oldest sister in a big -and I mean BIG- catholic Mexican family, had to play the mother much more than even my mother. So I can say I know, the pros and cons of raising kids being a kid myself. Now, it's all about me, and I sure love it.
I've brothers, sisters, three nephews and a lovely five year old niece. I love them dearly. More than once I've had to babysit or change a diaper. If I do it, is out of love and fully aware that I'm the crazy aunti that gives presents but has no responsibilities whatsoever.
Cheers
Last edited by Aztecgoddess; 05-20-2015 at 02:07 PM..
Reason: Typo
I agree, we do not need terms that can be/sound offensive, in order to make ourselves feel better. In this day in age we all should be happy with each others decisions, as long as they do not affect our own. Making the choice of having or not having children is something very personal. Something that we all should respect and embrace.
Myself, being the oldest sister in a big -and I mean BIG- catholic Mexican family, had to play the mother much more than even my mother. So I can say I know, the pros and cons of raising kids being a kid myself. Now, it's all about me, and I sure love it.
I've brothers, sisters, three nephews and a lovely five year old niece. I love them dearly. More than once I've had to babysit or change a diaper. If I do it, is out of love and fully aware that I'm the crazy aunti that gives presents but has no responsibilities whatsoever.
Cheers
Amen. It mystifies me that so many people feel the need to tear others down. Perhaps they don't really hear what they say or don't care about how it makes other people feel. They are the worst sort of cheerleaders for whatever life style they advocate.
There is not even anything wrong with being selfish, but if all you've done with your life is take care of yourself, you've not done very much.
If all you've done is produce a serial killer, you haven't done much either. Popping out a kid doesn't necessarily mean you've done something good. There is no inherent virtue in being a parent or in not being a parent. It's just something you do or don't do.
If childfree people want their own holiday, go for it. I'm not sure what you want other people to do in your honor, but ... call Hallmark. I'm sure they'd be happy to work with you on it.
I'm a parent and I've never used the word selfish to describe child-free people. I consider it their right to decide what is best for them and I respect it. But, I do not respect anyone (child free or otherwise) who uses terms intentionally designed to belittle and marginalize others. It may not be against the law, but it certainly reflects badly on the person who uses it and unfortunately dials up the ugliness on both sides. So, please go ahead and use whatever terms you feel "legally" entitled to use. Just don't be surprised when people quit caring what you have to say.
But you understand, though, how hurtful it is for childfree people to hear themselves being called "selfish?"
I am a child free person who has never called a parent a "breeder." I would never do that. I am old enough to remember when the term "breeder" was a name Gay people used to describe straight people back in the day when Gays didn't have kids. So everyone who wasn't Gay was a breeder. Nowadays of course Gays have kids and good for them. They can no longer use that term and that's a good thing too.
Name-calling is never nice. When parents call child free people selfish, child free people quit caring about anything they have to say. That's why many parents speaking on this forum are not getting through to child frees. We child free people have heard this ugly word so often it's an automatic turn-off. And myths like we are ALL wealthy, ALL hate kids and ALL want to stop others from having them are some other labels we get painted on.
There are militant child free people just as there are militant parents. You can see a cross section of degree right here on this thread. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to figure out who is who.
In each case on either side if buttons are pressed hard enough listening to the same old same old long enough sometimes someone strikes back a little harder than they intended. That goes for any issue that can put someone on the defensive. Anger ensues.
All I can say that as a child free person I have gotten weary of having to respond to questioning as to why I didn't have kids even from people who are just being curious or interested in my choice. No one ever asks a parent why he or she had kids. Why is it such a fascinating topic of conversation that I chose not to? There is a certain amount of arrogance and condescending in those who are doing the questioning as if they are the ones participating in the "Norm," the "Correct Behavior," "What's Accepted" therefore they feel they have the perfect right to intrude with their asking. I don't believe they do unless they know the person they are questioning intimately. The problem is, they may mean well and are being polite and understanding but I still look at it as do many of my child free friends as simply a personal matter like how much money one earns or other private details of one's life.
I don't think, as an example, there is a thread on the CD Parenting Forum where someone is asking "Why Did You Have Children?" I know many parents would probably love to answer this question but after about the ten thousandth time maybe they would get just a little tired of it.
But you understand, though, how hurtful it is for childfree people to hear themselves being called "selfish?"
I am a child free person who has never called a parent a "breeder." I would never do that. I am old enough to remember when the term "breeder" was a name Gay people used to describe straight people back in the day when Gays didn't have kids. So everyone who wasn't Gay was a breeder. Nowadays of course Gays have kids and good for them. They can no longer use that term and that's a good thing too.
Name-calling is never nice. When parents call child free people selfish, child free people quit caring about anything they have to say. That's why many parents speaking on this forum are not getting through to child frees. We child free people have heard this ugly word so often it's an automatic turn-off. And myths like we are ALL wealthy, ALL hate kids and ALL want to stop others from having them are some other labels we get painted on.
There are militant child free people just as there are militant parents. You can see a cross section of degree right here on this thread. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to figure out who is who.
In each case on either side if buttons are pressed hard enough listening to the same old same old long enough sometimes someone strikes back a little harder than they intended. That goes for any issue that can put someone on the defensive. Anger ensues.
All I can say that as a child free person I have gotten weary of having to respond to questioning as to why I didn't have kids even from people who are just being curious or interested in my choice. No one ever asks a parent why he or she had kids. Why is it such a fascinating topic of conversation that I chose not to? There is a certain amount of arrogance and condescending in those who are doing the questioning as if they are the ones participating in the "Norm," the "Correct Behavior," "What's Accepted" therefore they feel they have the perfect right to intrude with their asking. I don't believe they do unless they know the person they are questioning intimately. The problem is, they may mean well and are being polite and understanding but I still look at it as do many of my child free friends as simply a personal matter like how much money one earns or other private details of one's life.
I don't think, as an example, there is a thread on the CD Parenting Forum where someone is asking "Why Did You Have Children?" I know many parents would probably love to answer this question but after about the ten thousandth time maybe they would get just a little tired of it.
I do understand that and it's equally hurtful for a parent to be called the same over their choice to have kids. I don't know why people don't keep their opinions to themselves and mind their own damn business!
Well said, both of you! If I hadn't "given out too much reputation in the past 24 hours", I'd give you some. Maybe in an hour....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peregrine
Started to read back a bit.
BEST POST EVER!!!! I like this girl. You ever get to Cleveland, I'm buying you a drink!
Live and let live.
I can't believe some people can be such *insert not nice word*:
"You'll never know real responsibility until you become a mom"
"The best women in the world are moms"
"You're missing out on the best thing ever"
"You don't know true love if you aren't a parent"
"Spend as much money as you want on that dress, you have no kids, it's not like you need your money"
"Oh, you have time for the gym and crafts because you don't have children
Thankfully I've NEVER heard that from anyone I know pre-child. I'll make sure to smack any parents that I hear say that.
My apologies as a parent to any child free people that have heard that drivel from anyone...
Thanks guys!
@Peregrine I'll make sure to stop by for that drink ;-)
I just wanted to say there IS pressure.
-When are you gonna hurry up and get married to give grandchildren
-If you wait too long you wont be able to have any
-Why would you buy a condo? Get the 4 bedroom house for your kids. (yes, the kids I do not have..lol)
I realize that people mean well...so I do my best to not get offended. But the threats of infertility are hurtful...and it puts women in the position to marry/procreate with men they arent really into for the sake of having a baby.
Last edited by bk_nurse2014; 05-20-2015 at 07:13 PM..
But you understand, though, how hurtful it is for childfree people to hear themselves being called "selfish?"
I am a child free person who has never called a parent a "breeder." I would never do that. I am old enough to remember when the term "breeder" was a name Gay people used to describe straight people back in the day when Gays didn't have kids. So everyone who wasn't Gay was a breeder. Nowadays of course Gays have kids and good for them. They can no longer use that term and that's a good thing too.
Name-calling is never nice. When parents call child free people selfish, child free people quit caring about anything they have to say. That's why many parents speaking on this forum are not getting through to child frees. We child free people have heard this ugly word so often it's an automatic turn-off. And myths like we are ALL wealthy, ALL hate kids and ALL want to stop others from having them are some other labels we get painted on.
There are militant child free people just as there are militant parents. You can see a cross section of degree right here on this thread. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to figure out who is who.
In each case on either side if buttons are pressed hard enough listening to the same old same old long enough sometimes someone strikes back a little harder than they intended. That goes for any issue that can put someone on the defensive. Anger ensues.
All I can say that as a child free person I have gotten weary of having to respond to questioning as to why I didn't have kids even from people who are just being curious or interested in my choice. No one ever asks a parent why he or she had kids. Why is it such a fascinating topic of conversation that I chose not to? There is a certain amount of arrogance and condescending in those who are doing the questioning as if they are the ones participating in the "Norm," the "Correct Behavior," "What's Accepted" therefore they feel they have the perfect right to intrude with their asking. I don't believe they do unless they know the person they are questioning intimately. The problem is, they may mean well and are being polite and understanding but I still look at it as do many of my child free friends as simply a personal matter like how much money one earns or other private details of one's life.
I don't think, as an example, there is a thread on the CD Parenting Forum where someone is asking "Why Did You Have Children?" I know many parents would probably love to answer this question but after about the ten thousandth time maybe they would get just a little tired of it.
I'm out of reps, but this post is spot on. Thanks, Minervah, for saying everything I wish I'd said, only better.
Well said, bk_nurse. However, if your quotes were modified slightly, I think they would be non-controversial and non-offensive (or at least less so):
"It's hard to imagine the level of responsibility it takes to be a mom"
"Some of the best women in the world are moms"
"I think parenthood is the best thing ever"
"It's hard to imagine the kind of true love you experience with children, if you aren't a parent"
"Spend as much money as you want on that dress, you have no kids, it's not like you need your money for kid-related expenses" [Granted, it's no one else's business how you choose to spend your money.]
"Oh, you have time for the gym and crafts because you don't have children" [I see this as more of an expression of wistful envy: "I wish I had time for the gym and crafts, but my children take up too much of my time to allow me to do those things.]
People who have children know what it's like to not have them (because we didn't have them before we did have them), but people who don't have them really don't know what it's like to have them. Therefore, people with children are able to speak to the condition of being child-free better than people who are child-free can speak to the condition of having children. That said, though, there's no excuse for rudeness or superiority complexes from either side.
No need to modify the quotes...lets modify our way of thinking, both childless and parents have to keep quiet about someone else's life decisions. Notice how neutral my post was.
"Its hard to imagine the level of responsibility it takes to be a mom"....I have a very vivid imagination. Try me. lol. Hard...but not impossible right?
"Some of the best women in the world are moms"...some of the best women in the world are not moms.
"I think parenthood is the best thing ever"...Saying this to someone who is not a parent is pointless. Especially if the person is infertile.
"Spend as much money on that dress, you have no kids, its not like you need money for kid related expenses"...If I DID need money for kid related expenses I would still get the dress. No one knows what I have in my bank account or how much I make but me. Making such an assumption is silly.
"people with children are able to speak to the condition of being child-free better than people who are child-free can speak to the condition of having children"
I get what you're saying. But where I am from..many parents have their kids VERY young...like high school age (Yes I realize the rest of the world is different). So their only "condition of not having children" was when they were in fact a child. They dont know the fun and freedom of going away to college, staying in a dorm and travelling the world. They also dont know the pressure from society to have kids or to have a biological clock ticking. People who have kids young dont know the threat of infertility or sterility from "waiting too long." I have actually heard a woman say to another woman who was 45 and regretted not having children "see that what all that ambition, travelling and education gets you"...what a cruel thing to say. While she may be able to "speak to the condition of not having children" she will never be able to speak to the condition of struggling to conceive at 45.
People in general have to learn to stop speaking and just listen and understand one another. I guess I am looking for a miracle ;-)
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Should We Establish and Start Celebrating Child-free Women's Day and Child-free Men's Day?
