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To the original poster...I am childfree and personally I do not need a day of celebration...(and not because "everyday is childfree day" lol...there's just something so weird about this reasoning. Isn't everyday Mother's Day?) but because I'd rather celebrate who I am rather than who I'm not.
I am the fantastic aunt of 4 nieces, 4 nephews and 4 great-nephews.
I am the awesome god-mother of 2-year old twins and an 11 year old fashionista
I am mama to many of Brooklyn's premature babies while they are in the NICU
I am generous, kind, feisty, fun, and very out spoken.
To the childfree:
Chill out!
If you honestly believed you had it better in life then you wouldn't constantly be defensive. If you don't like children keep it to yourself. No one who works hard for something wants to hear how ****ty that "item" or "choice" is by someone who doesn't have it.
Either help out or keep quiet. It is natural for people to wonder about procreating so be prepared to always be asked about it. Some may be rude but people of all walks of life are rude. Even the childless.
To the parents:
I love and appreciate you guys. No matter how messy you think your house is or how unruly you think your kids are THIS auntie doesn't mind coming over. THIS auntie doesn't mind cooking a meal or helping with laundry. THIS auntie doesnt mind taking care of the light bill. But please do the entire world a favor. With the things I have listed above that many childfree people are, please stop highlighting the things we are not. Please stop with the superiority complex. And by that I mean:
"You'll never know real responsibility until you become a mom"
"The best women in the world are moms"
"You're missing out on the best thing ever"
"You don't know true love if you aren't a parent"
"Spend as much money as you want on that dress, you have no kids, it's not like you need your money"
"Oh, you have time for the gym and crafts because you don't have children"
To both childfree and parents:
You CAN empower your own people without knocking down another. Try it sometime
Aunts and Uncles Day, great idea, maddy! I wish there weren't so much animosity, defensiveness and name-calling between parents and the child-free. It's true that those of us without children can't truly know how it feels to be a parent because we haven't walked in your shoes. It's also true that not all childless people have made that choice because they are selfish. People who can't imagine their lives without children can never truly understand how it is for us who don't feel up to the job and are constantly being reminded that we're missing something.
Having children is the default setting for human beings. Being a tribal race, we humans tend to distrust those who made the conscious choice to reject their biological programming. They are different from us, not part of the tribe. As a result, the childfree are subjected to negative comments and are constantly made to feel that we have to justify our choice.
My stepmother used to say to me, "You didn't have children; was that on purpose?" She said it in an incredulous tone that implied that she could scarcely believe any woman would choose that. She might as well have said "Are you insane?" Every time she saw me, she would ask the same question. Every time, I patiently replied that yes, it was my choice, and she'd look at me as though I were an alien from some other planet.
But some people do get it. One day at work, a woman I know mentioned that she was getting ready to celebrate Mother's Day with her husband and four daughters. I wistfully remarked that I had never gotten anything for Mother's Day and thought nothing more of it. Later that day she returned from her lunch break with a Mother's Day card and a little gift for me, scented bubble bath.She said that I deserved it for all that I'd done to take care of my elderly mother and MIL. I was so touched. It is one of the nicest things that has ever happened to me. So I think an Aunts and Uncles Day would be a nice way to acknowledge that childfree people have families, too - just not the conventional kind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bk_nurse2014
To the original poster...I am childfree and personally I do not need a day of celebration...(and not because "everyday is childfree day" lol...there's just something so weird about this reasoning. Isn't everyday Mother's Day?) but because I'd rather celebrate who I am rather than who I'm not.
I am the fantastic aunt of 4 nieces, 4 nephews and 4 great-nephews.
I am the awesome god-mother of 2-year old twins and an 11 year old fashionista
I am mama to many of Brooklyn's premature babies while they are in the NICU
I am generous, kind, feisty, fun, and very out spoken.
To the childfree:
Chill out!
If you honestly believed you had it better in life then you wouldn't constantly be defensive. If you don't like children keep it to yourself. No one who works hard for something wants to hear how ****ty that "item" or "choice" is by someone who doesn't have it.
Either help out or keep quiet. It is natural for people to wonder about procreating so be prepared to always be asked about it. Some may be rude but people of all walks of life are rude. Even the childless.
To the parents:
I love and appreciate you guys. No matter how messy you think your house is or how unruly you think your kids are THIS auntie doesn't mind coming over. THIS auntie doesn't mind cooking a meal or helping with laundry. THIS auntie doesnt mind taking care of the light bill. But please do the entire world a favor. With the things I have listed above that many childfree people are, please stop highlighting the things we are not. Please stop with the superiority complex. And by that I mean:
"You'll never know real responsibility until you become a mom"
"The best women in the world are moms"
"You're missing out on the best thing ever"
"You don't know true love if you aren't a parent"
"Spend as much money as you want on that dress, you have no kids, it's not like you need your money"
"Oh, you have time for the gym and crafts because you don't have children"
To both childfree and parents:
You CAN empower your own people without knocking down another. Try it sometime
Well said, both of you! If I hadn't "given out too much reputation in the past 24 hours", I'd give you some. Maybe in an hour....
[QUOTEMy stepmother used to say to me, "You didn't have children; was that on purpose?" She said it in an incredulous tone that implied that she could scarcely believe any woman would choose that. She might as well have said "Are you insane?" Every time she saw me, she would ask the same question. Every time, I patiently replied that yes, it was my choice, and she'd look at me as though I were an alien from some other planet.
][/quote]
LOL! I have gotten that all the time in my life. That's pretty darn personal. I have learned to laugh it off. If I have have been feeling a bit devilish that day I might retort with "You HAD kids? ON PURPOSE?"
It wasn't that I was trying to be mean or rude. I was just trying to show the more persistent ones A. How it felt and B. They were crossing a line. I mean, why some people feel they have the right to comment about what a woman does with her uterus or a man with his sperm is beyond me.
People with this attitude have a sort of sense of entitlement they don't even realize they are displaying when they feel they have the right to inquire about so personal a subject. I think the decision, and it should be a decision, as to whether or not to raise children is a very serious one not to be taken lightly. I really do not believe anyone should assume everyone is capable of taking on the task just because they have the anatomy to do so. Better people's decision not to have kids should be accepted without question or criticism than to have them do it just to go with the flow and create unhappy families. That way there would be fewer unhappy families and fewer abuse kids.
I love cats. I like dogs. I could say you don't know what you are missing if you haven't experienced the fun of having a cat or dog but it's your choice so fine. But I wouldn't expect to see you on the City Data Cat or Dog Forum.
The OP's question and I will re-state verbatim in case you have forgotten. "Child-Free Men and Women: Should We Establish and Start Celebrating Child-Free Women's Day and Child-Free Men's Day?"
This inquiry was unequivocally directed at child-free people. But parents chimed making it all about their kids. Everyone of course is entitled to their opinion about the subject but that wasn't the subject. Seeing the title, why would parents be interested in child free issues in the first place? What is compelling need for them to change the subject?
I wonder how many CF people contribute to the parenting board; not many I would imagine. Maybe those who are helping to raise other people's kids will contribute. And yet every time a CF issue comes up, any place not only on CD but on the Internet, FB, or anyplace there is a childfree discussion, a large number of parents are certain to join in.
But why when it has nothing to do with the topics usually put forward such as on this thread. Yet it happens time and time again. If it is a debate about Parenting vs Childfree, fine bring it. But it always happens when someone asks a questions like the one the OP has asked which had nothing to do with the pros a and cons of parenting or being childfree.
Still they feel compelled to state how happy they are with their kids and how they feel childfree people are selfish while they are so giving. They always paint the Childfree as having tons of time and money. In short, Society's pariahs. Just one old worn out cliche after another. I have seen it time and time again.
So we circle back to a harmless debate asked by someone geared towards a specific group once again being taken and changed into a debate it wasn't meant to be. I have asked this question time and time again both in my own personal life and on the Internet when people get so bent out of shape on threads like these when it comes to the child free person and the parent anguishing over him or her.
I am not a Face Book member but it was brought to my attention by a friend who is that two long ongoing Child Free Internet websites where CF people went to post about their lives as Child Free people were maliciously hacked and shut down by others who couldn't handle their life choices. That's not cool.
Having said all this, I have to ask the question I have been asking all my adult life of the parents who cannot wrap their heads around the idea of people choosing to be child free. Why oh why is it a problem for you? You have your kids, be happy. I have my cat. I'm happy. I am not comparing cats to kids. I am comparing what makes me happy to what makes you happy. As long as we are both happy, who cares what gets us there?
And I have to add, to the person who gave me the nasty message in the rep, you should know that's not the purpose of reps, and I know who you are. The way you express yourself in writing is very obvious. Grow up!
Celebrating the absence of commitment and self-sacrifice needed to raise a good person? Yeah, that pretty much sums up the entitled, lazy generations born since WWII.
Stereotyping an entire generation based on the comments of one poster? Actually you have been quite disrespectful and condescending.
I don't think there should be an official holiday for those who don't have children. I have a lot of respect for good parents. I honestly think raising a child is the hardest thing a person has to do in life.
I don't understand the back and forth b/w parents and non-parents. It wouldn't be like this if people just respected others choices and stop projecting their own feelings into others.
There are happy childfree people in this world. But there are definitely hostile childfree people who are abrasive towards parents, most likely due to some personal issues they are trying to deflect.
At the same time the people who constantly ask others if they have children or ask why does someone not have children or why they don't plan to have children fail to understand how they annoy people by asking about others personal lives like this all of the time. Sure they may have good intentions or are just curious but if you insist on prying on about this you will give off the impression of being insensitive, pushy and self-absorbed because you refuse to acknowledge that the other person no longer wants to discuss that they don't plan on having children or that they are uncomfortable talking about it.
If you don't want that perception then you should accept the fact that not everyone wants to or will have kids and leave it at that.
Why the hell would anyone celebrate this? Who gives a **** if you have kids or not, its all up to personal preference. This whole lets accommodate everyone and make sure everyone feels special is getting out of control. Whats next a special holiday devoted to people who own cats?
Stereotyping an entire generation based on the comments of one poster? Actually you have been quite disrespectful and condescending.
I don't think there should be an official holiday for those who don't have children. I have a lot of respect for good parents. I honestly think raising a child is the hardest thing a person has to do in life.
I don't understand the back and forth b/w parents and non-parents. It wouldn't be like this if people just respected others choices and stop projecting their own feelings into others.
There are happy childfree people in this world. But there are definitely hostile childfree people who are abrasive towards parents, most likely due to some personal issues they are trying to deflect.
At the same time the people who constantly ask others if they have children or ask why does someone not have children or why they don't plan to have children fail to understand how they annoy people by asking about others personal lives like this all of the time. Sure they may have good intentions or are just curious but if you insist on prying on about this you will give off the impression of being insensitive, pushy and self-absorbed because you refuse to acknowledge that the other person no longer wants to discuss that they don't plan on having children or that they are uncomfortable talking about it.
If you don't want that perception then you should accept the fact that not everyone wants to or will have kids and leave it at that.
This is a discussion and everyone is welcome to express their views and opinions. Your comment is what I would consider rude and ad hominem, but I'm responding politely, to maintain a civilized discourse. (Note that I didn't say "you have been quite disrespectful", I referred to your comment alone. It's best to criticize the idea, not the person who expresses the idea.)
This thread was started by someone who apparently wanted to have a discussion about being child-free. Several comments added to the notion that there's something wrong with people who have kids. One person went as far as to post several random links from a Google search that purport to prove remorse.
Those with kids try to explain the other side, and my stance in particular has been that if you have not raised kids, you will (probably) not understand the experience. You may appreciate the independence and freedom of not having kids, but you won't know what you missed. That's an opinion. You're free to disagree with it. No one is "prying" on about a topic after it's over. This is an ongoing discussion, so deal with it.
Stopped reading at Page4.
My issue is Clevelgirl05's post on page 1.
I had a child later in life. Never have I ever felt any "societal pressure" to have children. I've never put pressure on anyone to have kids. Live your life, I don't care if you have kids or not. Nor do I care if any of my friends or family do. It's a personal choice and my opinion of anyone based on that choice won't change.
I think you are over imagining this PRESSURE!
I like how you say "the pressure to bring an unwanted child..." Well thank god you didn't have an unwanted child. I think the word CHILD would have sufficed there. Sure, I was asked if I was planning to have kids and said no. No one looked at me funny or told me "oh you HAVE TO!" WHo are you hanging out with?
When I was child free it didn't take GUTS to say "no, I don't want children". I wasn't blindly obeying anyone when I decided to have a child.
Who does that?
Curious where you live (because naturally no one uses the LOCATION field on a such a geographic heavy message board) that has all this "PRESSURE" to procreate. If you're under that much pressure: move or find some new friends.
BEST POST EVER!!!! I like this girl. You ever get to Cleveland, I'm buying you a drink!
Live and let live.
I can't believe some people can be such *insert not nice word*:
"You'll never know real responsibility until you become a mom"
"The best women in the world are moms"
"You're missing out on the best thing ever"
"You don't know true love if you aren't a parent"
"Spend as much money as you want on that dress, you have no kids, it's not like you need your money"
"Oh, you have time for the gym and crafts because you don't have children
Thankfully I've NEVER heard that from anyone I know pre-child. I'll make sure to smack any parents that I hear say that.
My apologies as a parent to any child free people that have heard that drivel from anyone...
Please stop with the superiority complex. And by that I mean:
"You'll never know real responsibility until you become a mom"
"The best women in the world are moms"
"You're missing out on the best thing ever"
"You don't know true love if you aren't a parent"
"Spend as much money as you want on that dress, you have no kids, it's not like you need your money"
"Oh, you have time for the gym and crafts because you don't have children"
Well said, bk_nurse. However, if your quotes were modified slightly, I think they would be non-controversial and non-offensive (or at least less so):
"It's hard to imagine the level of responsibility it takes to be a mom"
"Some of the best women in the world are moms"
"I think parenthood is the best thing ever"
"It's hard to imagine the kind of true love you experience with children, if you aren't a parent"
"Spend as much money as you want on that dress, you have no kids, it's not like you need your money for kid-related expenses" [Granted, it's no one else's business how you choose to spend your money.]
"Oh, you have time for the gym and crafts because you don't have children" [I see this as more of an expression of wistful envy: "I wish I had time for the gym and crafts, but my children take up too much of my time to allow me to do those things.]
People who have children know what it's like to not have them (because we didn't have them before we did have them), but people who don't have them really don't know what it's like to have them. Therefore, people with children are able to speak to the condition of being child-free better than people who are child-free can speak to the condition of having children. That said, though, there's no excuse for rudeness or superiority complexes from either side.
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