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Actually, homo sapiens have the unique trait of neoteny (the retention of fetal characteristics into adulthood). We are much more helpless for a longer time than most other mammals.
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Anyway, I do agree that humans are better off when living closer to and interacting with Mother Nature. Children out climbing, running, falling, exploring, and playing all day long develop better physical and mental stamina. Many 19th Century Americans grew up this way, on farms or in semi-rural environments, and they had strong character and strong will. We've lost that today, to our detriment as a society.
You don't even have to live in a rural area to make that possible. Consider those historic black-and-white photos of cities. The ones that show children swinging from a rope tied to a lamppost; which they probably found in the street and tied themselves, which is quite far from helpless. Or kicking a ball around on an empty street. Or playing jump rope games in the park.
Like this: (sourced from http://littledropsofsweetness.tumblr.com)
None of this is possible in today's world. And that's unfortunate. Because no hyper-structured playdates in the world can replace the impromptu swinging from a lamppost while chanting silly irreverent rhymes.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 08-03-2016 at 03:38 PM..
Thank you again for your genuine attempt tp understand people like us. You may not realize it, but it is truly a breath of fresh air. There is so much pressure for people to have children even for the wrong reasons.
My bf and I were taking about this yesterday (he doesn't want kids either). He was talking about how one of his older brothers didn't really want any kids, but he got his gf pregnant anyway because she was pressuring him for a baby, and he saw it as a good way to have her go to work and support the family while he sat around all day long and drank beer. Good reason, right? And he doesn't cook or do housework while he is home; he drives the two of them to Burger King when it's time to eat. As a result, the child is 7 years old and overweight.
My sister - my God, if you looked up "breeder" in the dictionary, her picture should be there. She has been pregnant 6 times because she has spent much of her life zonked out on alcohol or drugs and screwed everything that was not nailed down. Apparently she has never heard of birth control either. Her track record consists of the following: one abortion (and I am pro-choice, but bear with me), my first nephew who died of SIDS at 2 months (but she also used coke when she was pregnant) two older nieces, the oldest of whom was molested by the man she eventually married because a man was more important than the welfare of her children. The two oldest nieces were taken out of her custody because she would leave them wandering the streets at preschool age while she sat at the bar and got hammered. She left the bar dead drunk and hit 5 parked cars. Then there are my youngest nephew and niece, who she actually raised. I am going to be generous and give her a .33 success rate, which is decent in the game of baseball by abysmal when it comes to any sort of parenting. Despite this, my nephew graduated college and turned out pretty good. My niece makes her living modeling for racy pictures and getting bit parts in a couple of movies playing call girls and other bimboes. As you might imagine, I have an issue with that and don't really get along with my sister. Geez what a piece of work. My own parents prioritized their wants over their childrens' needs. I must have gotten my work ethic from the mailman. LOL.
I can't honestly say that I dislike children. I may dislike some of their behavior, but that is not the child's fault. It's the fault of people that are ill-equipped or have little desire to do the hard work of parenting. And I believe that it IS hard work - if you do it properly. But there are so many people that have kids for the benefits that THEY themselves get as parents rather than a deep desire to work to raise a happy, healthy, well-adjusted child, and I truly find it disgusting. I am only too happy to teach my tribe the joys that I experienced as a child, because frankly, I see the circumstances that children face today - and I think that they are getting ripped off.
That's unfortunate about your sister and your bf's brother. Sometimes people just don't learn. There are way too many people like that.
In my area, we have a need for volunteers and donations at our local food banks. There are many stories of how people roll on up in their Mercedes or BMW and their diamond rings and jewelry requesting food for their families. It disgusts me that they would rather have material stuff (expensive stuff at that) before taking care of themselves and family. It all comes down to priorities and a lot of people just don't care. The sad thing about it is that most children in those situations will repeat the cycle with the occasional one that doesn't.
Don't forget that most adults don't realize how horribly unpleasant childhood really is, despite having been children themselves. I wrote a list explaining how so (link). So one of my own reasons for being childfree is not wanting to put a sentient person through childhood. I don't want them going through 21 years of endless limitations, restrictions, and prohibitions. And bringing a new person into the world in adult form is biologically impossible, barring a yet-to-exist cloning method, which is a moral issue onto itself.
Simply put, our civilization is ill-equipped to meet our evolutionary characteristics. We as a species are meant to become marginally self-sufficient at age 3 and fully independent at age 12. That why we have "terrible threes" and "teenage rebellion". It's not juveniles being bad; it's simply our natural evolutionary traits manifesting themselves. It's also why kids are terrified of sleeping alone. In the natural world, sleeping alone in a large cavernous space (the child's room, underneath its creature comforts) is asking to be eaten by predators. But we as a society like to keep people in juvenile form---behaviorally, if not biologically---for as long as possible.
As recently as 100 years ago, we were allowed to stay true to our natural ways. Parents may have had their own bed, but siblings often had a cramped shared sleeping space, which translates to safety in numbers in the natural world. Even small children were able to hold simple jobs, such as dusting shelves or feeding chickens. By age 13, teenagers were able to hold real jobs, doing everything adults do, with a possible exception of heavy lifting and hazmat work. If they had any schooling, it was largely preparatory in character, designed to give them life's knowledge, rather than indoctrinate them and keep them warehoused from 8:00 to 3:00.
Of course, big business owners starting exploiting child labor, creating a necessity for child labor laws. But those laws have a side effect: they don't allow children and teens to gain the independence we humans are meant to have at that age.
TL;DR version: I don't want to bring kids into the civilization ill-equipped to meet our evolutionary needs.
I read your post and though those are reasons why childhood could be unpleasant, I think it comes down to perspective. I honestly as a child never really thought much about those things. As an adult, I do see them but it does not bother me. I feel that to be a responsible adult, a person has to go through the developmental phases and learn to cope and have restraint. Your reasons are absolutely valid for not having children. As humans, we are judgmental on just about everything. I think learning and teaching tolerance goes along way and a lot of that starts at home.
I'm childfree. I don't like being around children much either. Those arguments about childhood being "unpleasant" though, I just can't relate. Even in all of the not so great things about my childhood, I can't say that I thought to myself that my life was bad BECAUSE I'm a child.
I liked my childhood overall, I just don't want any kids.
I was with you until we got here. There is no joy in children for me. I do not like being around them. I merely "deal" with them because I have to. Not every person wants or even likes children.
It's a much sadder story when people are socially pushed into having children and then end up regretting that decision (whether they admit to it or not).
It IS an amazing experience--for those of us who wanted a child. My daughter never wanted kids, not when she was little, and not now that she's an adult. She taught children for a year and doesn't want to do that anymore, either. My life is not ruined because I won't be a grandmother. I don't want her ever to have kids she doesn't want because she feels pressured to do so. Not everyone is cut out for parenthood.
I don't even like the term "cut out for," like it requires special qualification, skill, or talent. There's no great achievement in getting yourself or someone else pregnant; every creature on the earth does it. I'm probably as "cut out for" parenthood as anyone else -- I dare say I'd do a better job than most! -- but I choose not to because I don't want to. That's not proof of an inability; it's simply an option that too many don't seem to realize is available to them.
I don't even like the term "cut out for," like it requires special qualification, skill, or talent. There's no great achievement in getting yourself or someone else pregnant; every creature on the earth does it. I'm probably as "cut out for" parenthood as anyone else -- I dare say I'd do a better job than most! -- but I choose not to because I don't want to. That's not proof of an inability; it's simply an option that too many don't seem to realize is available to them.
Well, don't read too much into the phrase that wasn't intended. My daughter would be a great mother, too, I'm sure. And of course, I was not talking about being pregnant at all, but about raising a human being to be a compassionate, contributing member of society and being passionate about doing so and love that child so much that you would die to save her. Anybody with half a conscience could feed and shelter and clothe and protect a kid but still not really want to be in the position of doing so. That's what I meant by not cut out for, not inability.
The wages of sin is death, and the wages of long-standing indifference to the informing genius of a culture is—not just the death of the culture, but the pain and fright that attend death.—L. Brent Bozell, Mustard Seeds
For most of the posters on this thread it occurred to me to post this quote. Now that I have, I wonder if those who do not know how to live, can fear death, much less mourn the culture that gave them their existence? If there is anything special about being Human, it is (was?) our capacity to join in a union, called marriage, which used to mean between a man and a woman, and to some meant to bring what was best of the male and female together and produce a child. There was a time when the best of Man was his strength, integrity, and commitment to the well being of his family. The woman, used to mean, the ideal of wisdom, caring, and virtue. The child, being the offspring was the future manifestation of this Culture.
Judging by the posters here I am afraid the above quote is prescient.
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