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Feminism doesn't mean that a woman can't be feminine or dress beautifully .. If the woman feels empowered and motivated to dress as such the let it be.
It can be a burden to be a woman. It can also be a great joy and very fulfilling. And it can also be both.
I am a white woman, a US citizen, healthy, upper middle class and yes, I feel like in many ways I'm better off than most people in the world and for that I am grateful.
But even with all my advantages, I have to say that yes, women are often discriminated against and it's often an insidious type of discrimination. For instance, the guy I was dealing with over adding our phone numbers to our security gate (gated community), EVEN THOUGH HE IS YOUNG, rather insisted on putting my husband's name and number on the gate keypad, even though I am the one who is nearly always home, coordinating appointments, letting people in, etc. I want the system to call ME, not MY HUSBAND, who often works crazy hours, out of town and often out of state, and who usually has no idea who may be coming over to the house - heck, he may not even answer his phone, and I SURE don't want him to be woken up if he's working nights.
So I gave this guy my number, and both our names, and this guy said, "OK, I see this is your number - what's your husband's number?" I gave it to him but I said, "I want MY number to be the number people call at the gate - not his number." But they put not only my husband's name (and only his name), but also his number, at the gate. Why? I swear I think it's because "He's the man of the house" or whatever.
I had to pretty much pitch a wall eyed fit to get that changed - but I did get it changed, and I am pretty certain that the guy who had to change it thinks I'm a witch with a B, because I was firm about it. I don't know how things operate in HIS house but at our house, if you want to coordinate an appointment or whatever, you call me, not my husband.
I was also hired as a bank manager, and was THE top producing manager in our region (out of about 12 locations) but found out I was paid less than the guys who were hired AT THE SAME TIME as I was, and who were at the bottom of the totem pole production wise, and who also consistently failed their audits. I called management's hand on it, but quit (I didn't need to work so whatever) but they had to fire the other guys - which they did within a few months. They were shocked when I quit, even when I told them I knew about the pay disparity and it ticked me off. I just told them they were lucky I wasn't filing a lawsuit. I just didn't care one way or the other, but I did tell the other women managers to double check their pay. Several of them quit shortly after I did.
I have been sexually harassed in the work place by my manager (when I was young and didn't know what to do about it). This actually happened several times over the years. The last time it happened, I really put my foot down and the manager REALLY didn't appreciate it but he knew he couldn't fire me. So we coexisted and it was uncomfortable till I moved. I found out later that he had been fired about a year after I left - for sexual harassment.
Anyway, I think that sexual discrimination, and even a "war on women" can often take very low key tactics, but I believe it still exists and that women do need to be on point and ready to call someone's hand on it.
In fact, I'd say that all sorts of illegal discrimination still exists and people need to be ready to be firm about expectations.
(A) Huge dating smorgasbord, whole legal system at my disposal, and an effortless divorce windfall
(B) Continuous dating struggles, always having to watch my back legally, and lose 50% in a divorce
I don't know the answer. I'll use the 50:50 lifeline, Regis.
Please, you need to get off the internet. Stop parroting narratives from the Manosphere.
My brother never married. He's 40. His entire life was shaped by the fear that women will only take advantage of him, are all whores and sluts, are all gold diggers, and will take everything in a divorce. His fear is so great that he's basically depraved himself of having a family and settling down with someone.
Our father drilled that into his head at a young age. Now at 40, he hangs on the Manosphere sites like Roosh V blogs, MMA sites, Paul Joseph Watson, and is into the "Alpha male vs Beta male" baloney.
Don't be the same. There are good people and bad people out there. You attract what you put out there.
My brother never married. He's 40. His entire life was shaped by the fear that women will only take advantage of him, are all whores and sluts, are all gold diggers, and will take everything in a divorce. His fear is so great that he's basically depraved himself of having a family and settling down with someone.
Even if you're partially right, I don't blame him. In this day and age, living with a woman for a man is like maximum security prison, with the correctional officer as your cellmate. Or it's a game of cat and mouse, with the husband perpetually scrambling to stay out of the doghouse, while the wife ramps up expectations and moves the goalposts. And if she's not happy with you, she can retaliate in ways you can't even think of. The only rewards are once-a-month uninspiring sex, looking "grown-up" in society's eyes, and having a guaranteed date for couple-centric events.
So if all that is "happiness", then my name is Donald Trump. I don't care about "having a family" or "settling down with someone". Kids under high school age annoy the hell out of me, and I don't want to provide my wife's divorce windfall when she's suddenly "emotionally dissatisfied". I have friends who are women, whose company I enjoy, and that's totally enough for me.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 11-25-2019 at 03:34 PM..
Please, you need to get off the internet. Stop parroting narratives from the Manosphere.
My brother never married. He's 40. His entire life was shaped by the fear that women will only take advantage of him, are all whores and sluts, are all gold diggers, and will take everything in a divorce. His fear is so great that he's basically depraved himself of having a family and settling down with someone.
Our father drilled that into his head at a young age. Now at 40, he hangs on the Manosphere sites like Roosh V blogs, MMA sites, Paul Joseph Watson, and is into the "Alpha male vs Beta male" baloney.
Don't be the same. There are good people and bad people out there. You attract what you put out there.
You are not making their fears any better by laughing and mocking about them.
Even if you're partially right, I don't blame him. In this day and age, living with a woman for a man is like maximum security prison, with the correctional officer as your cellmate. Or it's a game of cat and mouse, with the husband perpetually scrambling to stay out of the doghouse, while the wife ramps up expectations and moves the goalposts. And if she's not happy with you, she can retaliate in ways you can't even think of. The only rewards are once-a-month uninspiring sex, looking "grown-up" in society's eyes, and having a guaranteed date for couple-centric events.
So if all that is "happiness", then my name is Donald Trump. I don't care about "having a family" or "settling down with someone". Kids under high school age annoy the hell out of me, and I don't want to provide my wife's divorce windfall when she's suddenly "emotionally dissatisfied". I have friends who are women, whose company I enjoy, and that's totally enough for me.
You attract what you put out there. You're probably not a quality man.
You attract what you put out there. You're probably not a quality man.
So do countless TV husbands. Watch any modern sitcom: the wife treats her husband horribly, and is never happy. Are they all low-quality men, like you're insinuating that I am? Even my long-time friends, who are stand-up men, lost their social lives entirely the minute they let women move in with them.
So do countless TV husbands. Watch any modern sitcom: the wife treats her husband horribly, and is never happy. Are they all low-quality men, like you're insinuating that I am? Even my long-time friends, who are stand-up men, lost their social lives entirely the minute they let women move in with them.
5 or more years ago, I would have agreed with your cynicism about marriage, if not who is the aggressor and who the victim. Not only did my own marriage suck, but when I looked around at family and friends, people were divorced or separated or trying to "make it work" but really not happy. After my marriage ended, though, I found a different social group. And now I know many happy, healthy relationships and marriages. I might be some kind of "weird outlier" in my own lived contradiction to your opinions, but there are plenty of others I know, NOW, who also prove you wrong.
Question: How many of your old friends followed this pattern? I mean, make a list of them real quick in your head or on a notepad or something and give me a number of how many men you have known, in person, NOT ON TV, who you believe have given up their happiness and freedom and now live this oppressed and imprisoned lifestyle in their marriages. Please? (I am legit trying to understand your foundations for this strongly held position we have debated so very many times.)
I've got to say, you have talked about having female friends and about being a pretty sociable guy, not our typical shut-in type of malcontent. So I just find it strange that you cannot also think of couples where the man seems quite happy with his situation, and where he still has plenty of a social life and plenty of fun, as much as he cares to--in fact in the couples I know, it's usually the woman wanting the guy to go out to parties and fun stuff and he wants to have a quiet night at home. I have long imagined this scenario where you want your old buddies to go to the strip clubs or something like ya did in the good ol' days and whether they know it would bother the wife, or they just don't feel motivated to do that anymore, they give you this "Aw shucks, you know man, the old ball and chain" spiel. I really think that's a line that men give to avoid having to explain to another guy the deeper fact that they no longer find boozy benders or bachelor shenanigans to be fulfilling, and would honestly prefer to stay home and have sex or hang out with their kids or something. You figure they have no free will...I contend that they do, and they are exercising it, and you just don't like the result.
And I have not heard actual human beings in or out of relationships talking about being "in the dog house" in ANY other context but television, literally ever, except for you. Whenever I see that, I'm like "Dude--that's not even a thing." No one says that.
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I have friends who are women, whose company I enjoy, and that's totally enough for me.
Even my long-time friends, who are stand-up men, lost their social lives entirely the minute they let women move in with them.