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^Sing it, sister. I was married to your ex's soul brother.
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Seems like the one rule: "Don't be an a-hole" is really just way too much for some dudes.
That really, really isn't too much to ask. Was just recounting to someone the other day how my husband came home one day furious because he'd gotten a flat tire. Yep, he was out driving--alone--I was home--but he got a flat tire, and he wanted to know WHAT I had done when I last drove the car that caused him to get a flat tire when he was out driving several days later. I must have jumped the curb. Or perhaps I ran over a broken bottle. At any rate, I HAD to have done SOMETHING to make the tire go flat several days later when he was driving because tires just don't go flat when he is driving.
That was ONE of the bad days in our 16 years together. There were many more. Sometimes it involved having a fist flying at my head or a meatball sandwich hurled at me in the last month of my pregnancy.
This isn't the way a husband is supposed to act, giant shock as that might be to some of you.
And when we got divorced, we had no assets to divide, but I got the IRS debts and any other shared debt we had. Oh, the divorce decree said that he would pay his share when he got his act together financially, but both of us knew that was not really ever going to happen. The divorce decree also said other silly things, like that he would pay child support, that never actually occurred, at least not on any regular basis.
So yes, cry me a river when I see these poor put upon souls complaining about everything being taken by the evil wimminz.
^Sing it, sister. I was married to your ex's soul brother.
That really, really isn't too much to ask. Was just recounting to someone the other day how my husband came home one day furious because he'd gotten a flat tire. Yep, he was out driving--alone--I was home--but he got a flat tire, and he wanted to know WHAT I had done when I last drove the car that caused him to get a flat tire when he was out driving several days later. I must have jumped the curb. Or perhaps I ran over a broken bottle. At any rate, I HAD to have done SOMETHING to make the tire go flat several days later when he was driving because tires just don't go flat when he is driving.
OMG, I witnessed the same type of behavior from one of the men in my family (not my spouse or boyfriend). Any time something went wrong, it must have been someone else's fault for mis-using the item previously. He once made a huge show of re-adjusting the drivers seat and the rearview mirror in his car that I had previously driven (a short distance) ... except I hadn't adjusted either one of those things. And when I had my first accident as a teenager - made a federal case out of it and accusingly asked me how fast I was backing up (I mean, I must have gunned it for the two seconds I was in reverse before I backed into the other car, resulting in a dent you could barely see, and the other guy didn't even bother to get his scratched bumper fixed). Sad to know this pattern of behavior is not so isolated.
You had it coming for being so stupid ??
Saying that to 45 million men out of divorce courts is a hard pill to swallow - we were mostly primary bread winner but were stripped of the ability to control spending in 1975 by no fault divorce law and anti discrimination credit act of 1978
At best the new terms for marriage and divorce greatly favor women -men are not entirely stupid -so marriage and family have taken a nose dive -not to mention that most women are worse off 5 years after the divorce
It would seem that predominately that it is women that suffer from compulsive spending certainly evident in debtors anon 12 step
Thats no what I said but sounds like maybe you got the gist.
1. primary breadwinners. You married a dependent and keep them dependent. Do you expect to be able to 100% financially care for a dependent then suddenly stop? Leave them destitute and unable to fend for themselves?
Be pro active in your divorce.
LOL at stripped of ability to control spending. Neither no fault divorce or any credit act by the federal government has anything to do with controlling your paycheck. Not even a believable scapegoat for lack of personal responsibility.
How is it you believe divorce now favors women? Most women work so no or much less alimony. More men are getting shared custody so more parenting time and less or no child support. Where is the downside for men? You even admitted women generally take a larger financial loss in divorce.
OMG, I witnessed the same type of behavior from one of the men in my family (not my spouse or boyfriend). Any time something went wrong, it must have been someone else's fault for mis-using the item previously. He once made a huge show of re-adjusting the drivers seat and the rearview mirror in his car that I had previously driven (a short distance) ... except I hadn't adjusted either one of those things. And when I had my first accident as a teenager - made a federal case out of it and accusingly asked me how fast I was backing up (I mean, I must have gunned it for the two seconds I was in reverse before I backed into the other car, resulting in a dent you could barely see, and the other guy didn't even bother to get his scratched bumper fixed). Sad to know this pattern of behavior is not so isolated.
It's weird, actually. Because I worked full-time and brought in the lion's share of the income, the housework would get behind. He would only help if we were having a party and people were coming over. The everyday stuff was mine to do.
So occasionally, if I was home for a work holiday or took a vacation day, I'd spend the day doing a thorough housecleaning. He'd come home, stand there and look around and look around...and finally start SCREAMING at me for something I HADN'T done. "WHEN are you EVER going to tidy up the shelves in that kitchen pantry??? It's a mess in there!" Meanwhile the kitchen floor was scrubbed, the oven was clean, the appliances shining." It was always about what I hadn't done.
It wasn't just me he did this to. Years after we were divorced, my college-aged daughter was at his place. He and his current S.O. were out to dinner, so she put a potato in the microwave to bake for her own supper, and within ten seconds the microwave shorted out, burning the potato and sending black smoke through the kitchen. She yanked out the plug and got an oven mitt and threw the burning potato in the sink.
Later she called me, shook up, because when he got home, her father screamed at her for ruining his microwave oven. She must have put foil on the potato! No, she didn't. Go look at the potato in the sink. Well then she must have left a fork in the microwave. No, she didn't. Well she must have done something to make that microwave short out! They just don't short out by themselves...
I told her, "This is how Daddy is and has always been. Don't take it personally."
Again, as Sonic said:
Quote:
Seems like the one rule: "Don't be an a-hole" is really just way too much for some dudes.
If you see yourselves in these stories, guys, you might want to think about changing, because eventually, you will find yourself alone.
It's more of a war on intelligence and wisdom. Those in power benefit from increasingly an ignorant and easily led/influenced general population. There's gender stuff mixed in, but in the true "big picture", all are affected.
I have to say this.
As a population of free range individuals normal everyday people lack the cohesion we used to have. No real standards of conduct, no clear expectations of how to conduct ourselves with respect to others for the most part. An atomized populace is an easily led and manipulated populace. Destroy the family unit you destroy the shelter and comforts people so need, use political correctness to destroy discourse you take away a societies ability to address and solve problems. It's not a good formula.
If you see yourselves in these stories, guys, you might want to think about changing, because eventually, you will find yourself alone.
I really must point out the unerring accuracy with which you ladies end up with this type. Both my daughters are in their early 30s and I know a lot of their friends. Easily half of them chose to be with/are with some of the biggest a-holes you can imagine. Total troglodytes.
Even one of my 2 daughters ended up there for a time. Luckily she didn't make the same mistake twice.
Women and men need to make better decisions and above all be better to the world around us and those in it.
As a population of free range individuals normal everyday people lack the cohesion we used to have. No real standards of conduct, no clear expectations of how to conduct ourselves with respect to others for the most part. An atomized populace is an easily led and manipulated populace. Destroy the family unit you destroy the shelter and comforts people so need, use political correctness to destroy discourse you take away a societies ability to address and solve problems. It's not a good formula.
Beautiful post! Couldn't agree more with you! All of this is a result of "trying to placate to the lowest denominator" and it's creating havoc in this once fine nation. What I find even more perplexing is liberals actually gasp that we have these types of thoughts and conversations!!!
War on women? I'd say the bigger issue is War on Families!
Beautiful post! Couldn't agree more with you! All of this is a result of "trying to placate to the lowest denominator" and it's creating havoc in this once fine nation. What I find even more perplexing is liberals actually gasp that we have these types of thoughts and conversations!!!
War on women? I'd say the bigger issue is War on Families!
I don't see your point. I seriously believe in family and the effects the lack of it has on women. I think women are greatly affected by it. I see it with my own eyes. One of my daughters was abandoned by the father of her child, she paid a steep price emotionally, financially and her quality of life suffered in a way. It took a toll. My other daughter has a huge burden even with her husband (he goes above and beyond) is there. Not only do single moms suffer, the children suffer too.
Women are the moms. As hard as my SIL works and in all he does, he's not mom. Both my daughters kids see her as THE most important thing in their lives, in all matters. Their dad and me just aren't the same. There seems to be an attachment children have to mothers men don't. Mothers are the glue that hold things together. I remember my mom, I remember the nest she made and where I lived in comfort. I remember my father too but not in the same light. I think I loved my mother more than my father or in a different way? I don't know, it's hard to put into words.
I do think that women are not respected for all they do. I do not think women are supported as they should be. If you want to support family, you support the creators of them and above all you respect what they do. As for the bastards who can't take their responsibilities seriously that's another subject.
I really must point out the unerring accuracy with which you ladies end up with this type. Both my daughters are in their early 30s and I know a lot of their friends. Easily half of them chose to be with/are with some of the biggest a-holes you can imagine. Total troglodytes.
Even one of my 2 daughters ended up there for a time. Luckily she didn't make the same mistake twice.
Women and men need to make better decisions and above all be better to the world around us and those in it.
I ended up with a jerk. In my case, he was military and lived on his ship when we were dating. So basically, I always saw him on his best behavior. It was only after we married and moved in together, I really started to see the true man.
He actually ended up leaving me when he got out of the military (I used to be religious and wouldn't have divorced him at all). So in a way, him leaving was a gift to me. Even if he left me with half of all his debt (there were no assets to split aside from retirement savings, but I got him to agree we would each just keep our own). And it was his debt... he had secret credit cards.
He's still a jerk to this day. So much so that our daughter, who is a teenager now, has a countdown to when she turns 18 and never has to deal with him again. She says he's a self-centered bully and I agree. I did convince him and her to do family counseling, but it's not working. Of course, our marriage counseling before the divorce didn't work either.
He can't seem to keep any relationship and is getting worse with age. He's been in and out of at least five that I know of in the 10 years we've been divorced. He's been without a relationship for over a year. Unfortunately for our daughter, because he doesn't have a romantic relationship to distract him, he piles all his venom on to her now which is part of the reason she wants to cut him out of her life. He's also estranged by his family and lost all his friends (And made new ones, and lost those, and made new ones... he can be very charming until you get to know him).
He’s just a bad egg. I certainly don’t judge all men by him. My father, grandfather, uncles, brother, and boyfriend are all (or were in the case of the deceased) wonderful men. But I was young, naive, and made a mistake.
For what it's worth, since divorcing him, I've decided that I will never to marry again. I am much better off unmarried and the happiest I've been in my life. As I said, I have a wonderful boyfriend (who also is divorced and never wants to marry again) so it works great for us. Our outlook is why ruin a good thing with marriage?
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Is there a "war on women"?
