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Meeting a person in a pubic place to have a cup of coffee is not likely to turn into a rape scene unless the woman in question agrees to go to a secluded place with the man. When a woman leaves here house, it is highly likely that she will be able to anticipate whether, before she returns home, she will accept an invitation from a man she does not trust to go to a secluded place with him.
A woman who goes to a secluded place voluntarily with a man she has no reason to trust, in your view, has absolutely no responsibility whatsoever to be prudent, or to even consider the possibility that something might go horribly wrong. But everybody else does. A pedestrian crossing the street. A person using an ATM machine. A driver in heavy traffic. All have a responsibility to be prudent, but a woman getting into a car with a guy she just met, no responsibility at all to be prudent. In fact, she is grossly insulted if anybody suggests that it might serve her well to be prudent.
All you people who are so worldly, explain to me just exactly how it is that all these women are getting themselves into places and situations in which there is such an overwhelming danger of being date-raped? And they are insulted if anyone asks "Why place your self in peril, when you know there is such danger?"
Jtur, a woman is always at peril. Once upon a time I used to walk to my jobplace. One day a man stopped and offered me a ride. I refused. For several days in a row, he kept appearing at an earlier point in my route, he would always stop to ask if I'd like a ride. One day before I left home, I noticed him idling at the end of my street. Unwilling to have him know exactly where I lived, I snuck out the back door and took an indirect way to work. I shared what was happening with coworkers who insisted that they would pick me up from then on. One of those coworkers recognized him when picking me up, and called his employer. Later, I heard that he's been arrested for attacking another woman.
I once lived in a garden level apartment. The autumn when I moved in was beautiful. It would have lovely to open the windows and let in the fresh air, but the man who masturbated on my windows at least once a week dissuaded me from that. The police felt I was lucky that was all he was doing. I concurred when the following spring a man wearing a ski mask and wielding a knife tried to force his way in.
I once had a crush on a boy in college. He was really shy, so when I would try to flirt with him, another guy in the class would flirt back. I knew this other guy had a girlfriend, so I thought he was harmless. Imagine my surprise when he broke into my room one night.
I dated a co-worker once for several months. We went to a party one night at a private individual's house. Had a great time. On the way home he pulled into a cul-de-sac and started kissing me. I like kissing, but when he pulled up my dress and started to remove my underwear, I said "no". He didn't stop though I was clearly resisting until I honked the horn of the car and several house lights came on.
I went to an antique store once and bought a lovely piece of furniture. The saleslady arranged delivery for me. A few days later at around 2am, someone knocked on my door. When I answered, the deliveryman who'd deliverd my antique stated "I was driving around, and I got a vibe from the universe that you need a man tonight." I advised him that he must have had a bad connection and called the police.
I used to work for a company where an important client asked to have me exclusively handle his account. I had to talk to him daily, though I never actually met him face to face. When I left the company, he started calling me at home. He'd somehow gotten my unlisted number from my previous employer. I told him the calls were inappropriate. He sent flowers. I asked him to stop contacting me. He flew over a thousand miles to show up at my door. I called the police.
Most women have numerous stories like this. Stories where the outcomes were harmless. Stories where the outcomes were harrowing. Women are vulnerable because generally men are bigger and stronger. Women are vulnerable because there is no law against offering a woman a ride. No law against drinking a coffee parked in a church parking lot at the end of a street. Until a line is crossed, a woman doesn't know which men might be a danger to her. And even when her personal boundaries are violated, it might not be a violation of the law.
You are absolutely right. But it happens anyway. You have it in your power to reduce your personal risk with prudence and caution. You cannot control the rapist, but you can control your own circumstances. If you fail to exercise those cautions, you yourself are personally responsible for increasing your own risk. The rapists are a constant. Your caution is what you have control over.
Again, I agree. Women should be careful where they are going because we live in a world of violent psychos. We really don't have a choice. OTOH, it's not always as easy as you might think. I'm cautious when walking alone. I'm cautious in my own house and don't usually feel safe unless my husband is home. I never forget what's out there. Most women don't. What's sad is that while we're afraid of the stranger we don't know etc, attacks happen by people we think we do know (acquaintances at least). We live much more paranoid lives than do men, but there's a point, a line in the sand, when enough is enough. I think more women should learn self-defense and not be afraid to defend themselves.
Jtur, a woman is always at peril. . . . Until a line is crossed, a woman doesn't know which men might be a danger to her. And even when her personal boundaries are violated, it might not be a violation of the law.
But you, and most others, have never been raped. Why not? Because you are the vigilant and cautious and prudent ones. (And maybe the lucky ones---you always have to account for that, too.) Same old rapists are still out there. But you have protected yourself from them.
I want a quote, along with the post number, that proves that.
I also want to know why it's okay to accuse him of being a multiple rapist.
Read his posts - in their totality, in context for the answer to your first question.
"me thinks he doth protest too much" Ever hear the expression? When someone protests about a man being charged with rape as much as jtur88 does, there usually, not always, but usually, is guilt lying around somewhere in that persons background.
And mind you, I am a person who has defended, in criminal trials, men charged with rape (and one woman). And there are those who were found not guilty. And there are those that were found guilty.
So, I sorta understand the issue - just a little bit
You obviously have a lot of baggage, and it is clouding your reading.
Your language, in the above post alone, evidences your own hysteria: "sick to death," "complete immunity," "hysterical women"--give me a break.
Now continue with the hissy, and build that ignore list.
Indeed. It's so funny to watch someone bug while accusing others of the behavior they're exhibiting. I'm finding it entertaining.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DC at the Ridge
Jtur, a woman is always at peril.
Yep, every woman.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jtur88
But you, and most others, have never been raped. Why not? Because you are the vigilant and cautious and prudent ones. Same old rapists are still out there. But you have protected yourself.
This is ridiculous. Not all people are capable of the same reflexes, and abilities. Some women would have no problem killing a person if need be, while others simply don't have it in their nature. And then there's the small fact of physical strength. When I lived in MPLS, a girl I knew was gang-raped on campus by 5 male students. Surely, she was doing something wrong walking back to the dorm from the library. Poor thing.
But you, and most others, have never been raped. Why not? Because you are the vigilant and cautious and prudent ones. Same old rapists are still out there. But you have protected yourself.
The guy who broke into my room raped me. While he was cleaning himself up, he told me how he'd been telling people about how I'd been pursuing him and flirting with him. And that he'd told people we had scheduled a date that night. My word against his. Plus, I'd been to a party earlier that evening, and had several drinks. I never reported it. As soon as he left, I took a long, very hot shower and cried. I'd been a virgin, and I blamed myself, for flirting with him, for having had drinks earlier, for not resisting enough. I moved a couple of weeks later, as soon as I could. I dropped out of the class. I kept what had happened a secret for several years.
I must ask, would you even be willing to consider another viewpoint other than your own? Would you be willing to at least take into account what some of us are saying instead of rejecting it right away?
Excuse me?
The title of the OP is about women who make false accusations. The FACT is that some do. Some lie. And ALL women pay the price for it.
JTUR88 - or whatever his/her handle is - has been repeatedly saying that women need to be SMART, and to NOT put themselves intentionally into harm's way regarding sexual matters. I agree with him 100%.
But by doing so, I am NOT condoning rape. I don't see why they hysterical women here cannot see that. I'm saying that women need to be smart.
Let me give you an example: My wife of 25+ years just happens to be quite a looker, if I do say so myself. She used to walk to work, because her office is about 6 blocks from our house. But one day there was some jack*ss following her in his car, trying to strike up a conversation with her, trying to get her name and where she lived. There is no question what he had in mind. I would love to have been there, because I'll guarantee you that he would have lost blood over that nonsense. But I wasn't.
So you know what my wife does now? She drives to work. She does the smart, safe thing and drives to work. Why? Because apparently there is at least one guy who was a little too fond of what he saw.
But would she have been smart, or stupid, if after that incident she decided to walk to work naked every day? Or dress in such a way that put all her assets on display? Would that have been smart, or stupid?
THAT is what I'm talking about. Be SMART. And being smart implies NOT being STUPID.
That said... No, I have absolutely no respect whatever for the hysterics and the hate-speech of the crazy man-haters who have been posting on this thread. None whatever.
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