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Perhaps I'm just overly mature for my age, but as a 22-year-old would someone please explain to me the "allure" of getting intoxicated a few nights a week with a group of people, annoying others in your vicinity, throwing up, and then waking up the next morning with a hangover? Can someone also please explain to me why those of us who try NOT to drink are immediately ostracized for our decision, nagged to death in order to change our mind, OR are excluded from future social gatherings because we're "no fun?"
I suppose I should also supplement this with some background information. I am an auditor for the Federal government who has just returned from two weeks of mandatory training in Memphis, Tennessee. Besides the time dedicated to our classwork and commutes between campus and our hotel (roughly 7:15 AM-4:45 PM Monday-Friday) we were otherwise left to our own devices to mingle with over three dozen other classmates. Despite my somewhat confrontational aura exhibited here on City-Data I usually have no problem striking up random conversations with people, getting people to laugh, and generally just try to be as outgoing as I can to expand my social network. I even had a small circle of "friends-to-be" waiting to welcome me to my new hometown in Northern Virginia because I had tracked down people with similar interests ahead of time on social networking sites on the Internet.
Anyhow, much of the free time for most of the other auditors my age consisted of booze, booze, and more booze. For people who whine about being on a "tight budget," I was actually very dismayed by how much money they were tossing around left and right going out to eat every other night and drinking nearly every night. Since we are given a daily per diem for meals I instead decided to try to be as frugal as possible most of the time, eating sparingly, and then using the remainder of my per diem balance to help pay household bills my base salary barely covers. However, I did go out on several occasions, only to feel very much like an "outcast" as much of the conversations inevitably revolved around who did what more foolishly when they were drunk. As the days wore on and people formed closer bonds as "drinking buddies" I continued to become more depressed, feeling like a total "outsider."
Finally I decided to accompany some of them one night to do some stupid drinking games back in one of their hotel rooms. Before I had finished my second drink my stomach was feeling very sour, so I went over to get some water from the faucet and was chastised for "cheating." I explained that I just wanted to let my stomach calm down a bit, but then I just wound up leaving in the end after I was told I could no longer play because I wasn't going to get drunk.
The reality finally sunk in today at the Memphis airport when I was standing with my arms folded at the sidelines as many of my peers were tearfully hugging one another, high-fiving, chest-bumping, joking around, etc. as they said their good-byes as barely one person even acknowledged me. The problem is that this isn't a singular occurrence. This happens OFTEN to me on various occasions in which I become very tense because I'm generally NOT comfortable around people who derive pleasure from getting drunk but also fear becoming a social reject myself for NOT caving into peer pressure like the rest of the sorry lot who think they are being "funny" or "cool" when they are being obnoxiously loud in public and offending others nearby.
Is there really a "solution" here, or am I just a misfit because I don't think it's "like totally awesome" to "get wasted" all the time?
Last edited by 2goldens; 08-17-2009 at 04:19 AM..
Reason: Moved from Other Topics
I think a lot of America's youth drink to excess because:
1) They have not been very exposed to alcohol. They want to explore this new territory, even if (or because of) it is risk-taking behavior
2) Alcohol can be a social lubricant, which can ease any anxieties among those who might possibly feel insecure
You are not the only young person who doesn't drink. But yes, you might be in the minority--at first.
If I were you, I would remain "myself" and just not drink to go along with the crowd, or at least not any more than you feel comfortable having.
I would not be sanctimonious about it. My demeanor would be matter of fact. I would casually tell people that drinking does not make me feel good.
You might have some lonely times in the interim, but eventually the others will get grow up a bit, become tired of the carousing, and catch up with you.
As your social network develops, you will meet other people who do not need to drink in order to fit in.
A similar inquiry from myself as a status update on Facebook yielded me several comments. One of my peers replied that they were "offended" because they had invited me to do everything (not admitting to the fact that "everything" was drinking-oriented or the fact that I WAS normally an afterthought when plans were made). The other replies were all from folks in the 30+ demographic who just said to be patient and someday others will mature up to my level. It's just becoming frustrating because I've ALWAYS seemed on a more advanced level of maturity than my peers and have ALWAYS been waiting patiently for them to "catch up." When DO people finally mature beyond the "look how much I can drink!" demographic?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Drover
Social drinking with colleagues dulls the fact that you otherwise can barely stand each other.
LOL
Seriously, drinking socially doesn't have to equate to getting drunk, as the OP seems to imply. I never have more than one when I go out, and maybe a glass of wine with dinner. If I'm at home, then I might split a bottle of wine with a friend or two...but I'm no bigger a fan of hangovers than SB is.
Sharing drink is a custom that is about as old as civilization.
BTW, my 21 yo daughter and most of her friends are teetotallers. Their social activity revolves around the local coffee bar.
If I have to drink to fit in the I'll go my whole life without fitting in. I don't drink. Never have. I have nothing against drinking...for you. It started in high school when I would hear some of the other teenagers talking about what a wild time they had Friday night and how drunk they got. Then they talked about waking up Saturday morning puking their guts out. Hey, I'm all for recycling, but I can pass on that. My wife and I go to my step daughters on weekends and they have friends over playing beer pong. After a few rounds, plus a couple jager bombs, they are "feeling no pain". If that's what they want, good for them! They know we don't drink and they don't push it on us. I think you need to find another set of friends!
Perhaps I'm just overly mature for my age, but as a 22-year-old would someone please explain to me the "allure" of getting intoxicated a few nights a week with a group of people, annoying others in your vicinity, throwing up, and then waking up the next morning with a hangover? Can someone also please explain to me why those of us who try NOT to drink are immediately ostracized for our decision, nagged to death in order to change our mind, OR are excluded from future social gatherings because we're "no fun?"
I suppose I should also supplement this with some background information. I am an auditor for the Federal government who has just returned from two weeks of mandatory training in Memphis, Tennessee. Besides the time dedicated to our classwork and commutes between campus and our hotel (roughly 7:15 AM-4:45 PM Monday-Friday) we were otherwise left to our own devices to mingle with over three dozen other classmates. Despite my somewhat confrontational aura exhibited here on City-Data I usually have no problem striking up random conversations with people, getting people to laugh, and generally just try to be as outgoing as I can to expand my social network. I even had a small circle of "friends-to-be" waiting to welcome me to my new hometown in Northern Virginia because I had tracked down people with similar interests ahead of time on social networking sites on the Internet.
Anyhow, much of the free time for most of the other auditors my age consisted of booze, booze, and more booze. For people who whine about being on a "tight budget," I was actually very dismayed by how much money they were tossing around left and right going out to eat every other night and drinking nearly every night. Since we are given a daily per diem for meals I instead decided to try to be as frugal as possible most of the time, eating sparingly, and then using the remainder of my per diem balance to help pay household bills my base salary barely covers. However, I did go out on several occasions, only to feel very much like an "outcast" as much of the conversations inevitably revolved around who did what more foolishly when they were drunk. As the days wore on and people formed closer bonds as "drinking buddies" I continued to become more depressed, feeling like a total "outsider."
Finally I decided to accompany some of them one night to do some stupid drinking games back in one of their hotel rooms. Before I had finished my second drink my stomach was feeling very sour, so I went over to get some water from the faucet and was chastised for "cheating." I explained that I just wanted to let my stomach calm down a bit, but then I just wound up leaving in the end after I was told I could no longer play because I wasn't going to get drunk.
The reality finally sunk in today at the Memphis airport when I was standing with my arms folded at the sidelines as many of my peers were tearfully hugging one another, high-fiving, chest-bumping, joking around, etc. as they said their good-byes as barely one person even acknowledged me. The problem is that this isn't a singular occurrence. This happens OFTEN to me on various occasions in which I become very tense because I'm generally NOT comfortable around people who derive pleasure from getting drunk but also fear becoming a social reject myself for NOT caving into peer pressure like the rest of the sorry lot who think they are being "funny" or "cool" when they are being obnoxiously loud in public and offending others nearby.
Is there really a "solution" here, or am I just a misfit because I don't think it's "like totally awesome" to "get wasted" all the time?
I will try to explain what is going on here. Beer is tied to many traditions, holidays and events. First notable occation in our nation was the founding fathers, They would hold there meetings in taverns and have free beer for all patrons that showed up. This was done because the allure of free beer drew people to their meetings and the patrons could tollorate sitting through what they where gathered there for. I dont know about you but if congress had an open bar when ever they met in the house of represtitives it would make things go smoother.
Beer is a social glue, and gives people courage. what you need to realize is that beer is listed as a depressant, this could not be more wrong. Beer is infact a mood inhancer, if you are in a good mood you'll be in a better mood. If you are in a bad mood, there will be hell to pay. Now, this also depends on what you are drinking and who you are with. Becasue you could be in the sourist mood and if you are with the right people you could turn out to be the happiest person there.
For me, it is not about the buzz so much as it is the taste. I love beer, for me, it is a symbol of freedom, passion, and friendship. I have tried over 150 various beers, drank countless gallons of the nectur of the gods and am no worse for wear. What some people dont realize is that when our founding fathers had their meeting in taverns they where only continuing a tradition that they brought from their native countries. A tavern or bar is a social gathering place, where title, fame, wealth, race, sex, religion, and all other social titles mean nothing and all who enter are equal. How many places in America can you say offer that?
A tavern or bar is a social gathering place, where title, fame, wealth, race, sex, religion, and all other social titles mean nothing and all who enter are equal. How many places in America can you say offer that?
That just isn't true. If you're sitting in your local tavern and the channel 13 news anchor walks in for a quick one, people will be falling all over themselves to 'impress' that person and befriend them.
As far as being told you're no fun for not drinking, you could always inform these people that they aren't a lot of fun to be around when they're drunk. If that's what they base their friendships on, you're far better off without them.
Perhaps I'm just overly mature for my age, but as a 22-year-old would someone please explain to me the "allure" of getting intoxicated a few nights a week with a group of people, annoying others in your vicinity, throwing up, and then waking up the next morning with a hangover?
Drinking does not automatically result in such behavior. Getting a buzz or even getting drunk without getting sick drunk is a lot of fun. And before you say it, yes, I absolutely can have fun without alcohol too. Sometimes I just choose to have fun with it. Alcohol can also help you relax and loosen up and doesn't automatically make someone annoying. For me personally, it makes me very chatty and friendly. I'm a "happy drunk". All of this is a lot of fun and makes me feel good. Yeah, sometimes it goes too far and I wind up with a hangover the next morning - but for the most part, that is not the case so I don't see it as a reason to never drink again.
Of course you are entitled not to drink - but you did ask what the appeal of drinking is so that's my answer.
Quote:
Can someone also please explain to me why those of us who try NOT to drink are immediately ostracized for our decision, nagged to death in order to change our mind, OR are excluded from future social gatherings because we're "no fun?"
Possibly because they deep down feel a little annoyed that you think you're better than them because you don't drink? This may be the bigger reason why you feel outcasted, not the simple fact that you don't drink. I know people who have never drank at all, even through their 20s but they never came across as you have in this post: rolling your eyes and crossing your arms while looking down on people who get drunk. I think this has more to do with your attitude than your lack of drinking. I mean, if you were standing off to the side with your arms crossed, that's definitely sending an "I don't like any of you, don't say goodbye to me" vibe. Did YOU make any effort to say goodbye to them? If not, I'm not sure you can totally blame this on them. If you didn't make an effort to say goodbye to them, why should they make an effort to say goodbye to you?
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As the days wore on and people formed closer bonds as "drinking buddies" I continued to become more depressed, feeling like a total "outsider." 
