"Green hypocrites" - Tips for maintaining your own inner peace? (natural, better)

[MissingAll4Seasons]

I have a reasonably green friend who does things that I don't think are green, and I do some things he doesn't consider green... because we have different definitions and priorities. After one heated discussion, we agreed to disagree and never spoke of it again. This is much goodness and is how we handle any of these things that come up now... we mention that there might be some concern and possible alternatives, but let it go if the other person disagrees. We respect each other and our individual choices.

But I have (um, HAD) another Born-Again-Green friend who was completely over the top, had an opinion on everything (one that she copy-pasted from the latest hype most times), and simply would not shut up and quit nit-picking. She couldn't respect my privacy, circumstances or feelings and felt free to bring up anything and everything. Nor could she credit me with having any intelligence at all if I didn't agree with her. She could not let it go and just agree to disagree about it. She would not accept that I had a valid position or reason or alternative, regardless of whether she agreed with it or not. She HAD to be RIGHT.

It was really weird because she wasn't like that before -- although I suspect she would have become like that getting sucked into any "holy" cause (green, religion, politics, whatever). Needless to say, I haven't spoken to her or about her in months... although she continues to talk smack about me to any who will listen. W.H.A.T.E.V.E.R

[dclamb3]

Originally Posted by MissingAll4Seasons

I have a reasonably green friend who does things that I don't think are green, and I do some things he doesn't consider green... because we have different definitions and priorities. After one heated discussion, we agreed to disagree and never spoke of it again. This is much goodness and is how we handle any of these things that come up now... we mention that there might be some concern and possible alternatives, but let it go if the other person disagrees. We respect each other and our individual choices.

But I have (um, HAD) another Born-Again-Green friend who was completely over the top, had an opinion on everything (one that she copy-pasted from the latest hype most times), and simply would not shut up and quit nit-picking. She couldn't respect my privacy, circumstances or feelings and felt free to bring up anything and everything. Nor could she credit me with having any intelligence at all if I didn't agree with her. She could not let it go and just agree to disagree about it. She would not accept that I had a valid position or reason or alternative, regardless of whether she agreed with it or not. She HAD to be RIGHT.

It was really weird because she wasn't like that before -- although I suspect she would have become like that getting sucked into any "holy" cause (green, religion, politics, whatever). Needless to say, I haven't spoken to her or about her in months... although she continues to talk smack about me to any who will listen. W.H.A.T.E.V.E.R

The first friend sounds like a nice level-headed person. I wish they were all like that.

The second completely reminds me of a friend turned colleague turned ex-friend. She was the exact same way with everything, but especially topics regarding our shared profession (even if she knew less about the topic). Needless to say, after a decade, I recently had enough, and let the relationship fizzle by being constantly busy. I'm MUCH happier now. At the end of the day, if people don't add to your happiness, you need to question why you're giving them time and allowing them to take your happiness.

I LOL'd at "Born-Again-Green."

[MissingAll4Seasons]

Originally Posted by dclamb3

Needless to say, after a decade, I recently had enough, and let the relationship fizzle by being constantly busy.

Whoa - you are waaaaaaay more patient and forgiving than I am

I put up with that nonsense for about 3 months before kickin' her to the curb. And I told her straight out, in no uncertain terms, why I wouldn't be talking to her anymore so there would be any confusion or question about whether she should lose my number or not.

I had to put up with bullies and drama queens way too much when I was a kid. I'm a reasonably tolerant person and abhor confrontation, but I will not let people crap all over my life and mental health ever again. Just because I prefer to live-and-let-live and don't like confrontation doesn't mean I'm a limp doormat who is completely incapable of imprinting my size 7 on their backside

[dclamb3]

Originally Posted by MissingAll4Seasons

Whoa - you are waaaaaaay more patient and forgiving than I am

I put up with that nonsense for about 3 months before kickin' her to the curb. And I told her straight out, in no uncertain terms, why I wouldn't be talking to her anymore so there would be any confusion or question about whether she should lose my number or not.

I had to put up with bullies and drama queens way too much when I was a kid. I'm a reasonably tolerant person and abhor confrontation, but I will not let people crap all over my life and mental health ever again. Just because I prefer to live-and-let-live and don't like confrontation doesn't mean I'm a limp doormat who is completely incapable of imprinting my size 7 on their backside

You're not the first person to tell me that. lol I must admit that as I get older, my tolerance gets much smaller. I think it's due to realizing that life is far too short to be surrounded by anything that makes you unhappy, if it can be avoided. Needless to say, I've done a lot of thinning out the last couple years. My load is much lighter now, and I couldn't be happier.

lol Exactly! Some say I've changed. I don't think I've changed. I'm just finally not putting up with the bs any more. I only have so many years on this planet, and I want to be sure they rock. (Besides, my crummy friends were sucking so much of my time, that I had no time for my good friends that treated me well, or even myself. I don't regret my decision one bit. )

[SuperSparkle928]

Originally Posted by dclamb3

I totally get that.

To set the premise, I don't claim to be green, never was green, and never will be. My point is at the end of this post.

What I have a problem with, as hard as I try to not let it bother me, are people that claim to be green then:

Recite yogi articles about the environment, but don't even do something as simple as recycle in a city that has a fabulous recycling system.
Or someone that tosses out unopened household goods just because they have too many (when they lost one, purchased 3 more, then found the first).

Ok, you got me there, I recycle sometimes.

Or someone that spouts of how they're a minimalist because they live in a tiny studio yet they have not one but two storage units filled with junk (and the real reason they're in the studio is due to budget - and you know for a fact since you're their financial consultant).

I really can't claim to be green, as I live in a mansion with a 5lb dog.

Or someone that vocalizes on a regular basis that they don't own a car, that they ZipCar (not because they're green like they say, but because they're broke) yet all they've done is transferred their carbon footprint to their dear friend that drives them everywhere (cough, cough ), or onto Amazon.com that mails each one of their goods individually via a truck.

Let's not talk about vehicles... I lose here...

Or someone that uses a reusable grocery bag, just to purchase thicker and larger trash bags and dog poo bags.

I wouldn't use a reusable grocery bag, unless they were free.

Or someone that posts photos of their vegan food online, only to have eaten duck the day before.

Then I won't show you the side of beef I have in a 26 ft^3 freezer.

Or someone that prefaces just about everything they're eating with the words "raw" or "vegetarian", as if the food item could be anything other than that (i.e. most Indian dishes are vegetarian, and yup, last I checked, a banana with fresh almond butter and seeds will always be raw - no need to preface what you ate with the words "raw" or "vegetarian", especially when you're not either because you ate a burger the day before).

Or someone that endlessly talks about an online grocer they signed up for that delivers produce to their doorstep, however, none of the produce are even local. And when a local CSA was gently suggested, the response was CSA's don't deliver (last I checked, mine did). And when you mention food delivery from CA and South America isn't any better than the food in the grocery store also from CA or South America, the response was also ignorant (grocery store produce is crap - last I checked, several of our grocers have sections displaying local produce. One of the farmers lives just down the street from the home I just sold). Lest we not forget the added travel time of the food from CA and S. Amer. to USA, just to be boxed, then reshipped to her doorstep!


I could keep going.
However, if they didn't claim to be green and talk until they're blue in the face about it, none of the above would bother me even the slightest bit, as I'd accept that the eviro. wasn't their thing and move on. I do it every day. Heck, I've been a veg. for nearly 24 years, yet, before I had an education I worked in more than one steakhouse. I'm not here to judge.

My ex-husband, nor any of the men I dated, nor any of my former college roommates were green or veg. and we had no problems at all living together (in fact, they said they would have never known I was green/veg. As they put it, "I don't look green, and unless you open my cupboard or fridge, you'd never know, since I also don't talk about it." As it should be. )

I love non-green / veg. people (I once was one). I love green / veg. people (I'm not perfect, but I do what I can).

What I'm still struggling with is the obnoxious breed of green / veg. people.

I typically just avoid them, but, when one of your closest friends recently became one because she suddenly decided, after getting fired from her corporate job, that she wants to be a yoga instructor, it's hard to avoid (esp. when they now talk about it non-stop).

I try to ignore it and mind-talk my way through it (and then I tried gently making suggestions - neither seem to work), but that's not easy to do since it's in your face, all the time...

I appreciate any suggestions for handling this situation delicately. To those who don't have suggestions (heck, I'm all out of ideas, too, which is why I posted this), please take this thread as a reminder to not be that person.

[soapbox over ]

My point here, is even though I am not 'green', anyone that claims they are, and has 2.3 kids in the suburbs (or anywhere) is entirely hypocritical. I may waste stuff, but way less than a family of four, in terms of consumables/trash/diapers/whatever you want. My 'carbon' footprint', or other silly term is tiny compared to families that call themselves 'green'. Takes me a couple of weeks for me to make a bag of trash. (I do grow a lot of vegetables, but that is for fun, and I have an attached greenhouse).

So to summarize, anyone considering themselves a 'greenie', yet contributes to a growing world population (and thus environmental consumption) is purely hypocritical.

[bradykp]

Reduce, reuse, recycle. Encourage those around you to do what they can. To me, that's being green. None of us can be as green as many people would like to be. It's just the world we live in. I do the small things (like shutting off my monitor at work every time I walk away from my desk for a meeting), and hope they cancel out some of the things I don't do as well.

[donsabi]

If you are not living the life of an Amish person then you are not green.

However, it is not a do-all or a do-nothing situation. Every little bit helps and those that try to be green in what seems a minor way is still better than doing nothing.

If you are not Amish I suggest you don't point a finger.

[MissingAll4Seasons]

Just to be clear, Amish has nothing to do with green. Yes, in many ways, the Amish are greener than most Americans. However, while the Amish don't believe in electrical grid connection, they do not shun self-generated or renewable electricity, or gas powered lights and household appliances. They use plastic, chemicals, fossil fuels, and synthetics (albeit less than most). Many of their tenets and lifestyle choices are based around maintaining humility and distancing themselves from "worldly" influences, not rejecting modern knowledge and technology across the board.

Aiming to lower your impact to that of the Amish is admirable, and a step in the right direction for most; but they are far from perfect and are not ideal greenies. Anyway, sorry for the rant, but I have Amish relatives and the common misconceptions about them irk the crap out of me.

[seattlenextyear]

I think people should follow their natural inclinations. The things you consider to be "green" might not work for someone else. Take, for example, 2 people: one who chooses to be a vegetarian lower their carbon footprint. The other loves meat, but writes their senator every time a bill related to the environment is voted on. They can either accept that they're approaching this in different ways or they can fight about their differences.

So you can either judge other people's efforts or you can be supportive. If you're really bothered by someone else's opinions, you might not actually be great friends to begin with. Then it's easy: just spend less time with the person.

[pigeonhole]

I find that the opposite of green hypocrites , ie anti green cynicals (hunters of big game that are proud of their actions or owners of big guzzlers with stickers "**** the greens" etc) at least as annoying.