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Studedude, I think what I'd first ask you is what kind of memorial you find most meaningful. What has really caught your eye and tugged at your heartstrings when you've seen it or heard about it? Do you find tangible memorials like granite headstones to be the most compelling form of memorial? Does a statue seem to best symbolize your feelings? Or does an intangible emblem like a scholarship fit your feelings better?
For myself, and I should emphasize that this is NOT something that I'd push on anyone else, I have always preferred a memorial that in some way goes to help or benefit others. A century from now, a cemetery and all its headstones may have been obliterated to make way for a new skyscraper or a highway, but something that keeps on benefiting others will continue to keep the beloved lost one alive in the hearts and minds of others.
Some of the more creative ideas I've seen people use have included the following:
When my mom was diagnosed with cancer and could no longer donate blood, she used to ask friends and family to donate a pint (if they could) at every Christmas instead of giving her a gift. And when she died, one of the memorial suggestions in her obituary was that people who wished to honor her memory donate a pint of blood. I just gave a pint earlier this month, and as I lay there on the table squeezing that little ball, I thought of Mom and her great laugh ringing like a bell, and how pleased she'd be that I'm still giving blood in her memory.
I had an aunt and uncle who were very active in Habitat for Humanity for many decades of their retirement. They were both much beloved in the community and in their respective professions, and when they died within a few months of each other, their daughters decided to start a fund-raising drive to raise enough money to build a Habitat house in their memory. There is a family now living in the home that was built as a memorial to them, and I like to think that every time that family gathers to say grace at the dinner table or shares a laugh together or goes to bed in a home of their own instead of a shelter, my aunt and uncle trade smiles.
Our foster daughter's younger brother, who was severely retarded and was being cared for in a group home, died in his mid teens after an accident in the home. Our foster daughter spearheaded a fundraising drive in his memory to provide better services to similar children in the community, hoping to prevent deaths like her brother's.
And a brilliant but deeply troubled young man who had been my spouse's student in high school killed himself in his final year of medical school a couple of decades ago. His grieving parents, who had already lost their other child decades earlier, created a memorial in his name to provide psychological counseling for college students struggling with depression and anxiety, and the resulting fund has benefited dozens of young people, helping them surmount their challenges, get help and move into a healthy adulthood.
The thing that's in common with each of those memorials is that each of them has a direct relationship to the person in whose name they were created. The family members identified a particular aspect or characteristic or interest of their lost loved one and used that to create something that will continue to benefit others for years or decades to come. And that's the sort of memorial that I would hope my family can create when I'm gone.
Whatever memorial you decide on, Studedude, I know that Nancy will be pleased and honored by it. And if it is meaningful to you, that is all that matters.
Sending hugs, dear friend; you are in my thoughts daily.
Benches along a trail hav always struck me as the perfect memorial. The person resting is likely to read the plaque and think about it for a second or two, especially if you write a few words that are memorable or thought provoking. Plus, you are creating something useful in her memory. Benches allow people with infants, the sick and elderly to enjoy trails, see the beauty of this world and get more exercise.
Stude I would take these suggestions and run them by your, and hers, closest friends and relatives and see if you all can come up with a conclusive idea that would benefit her memory.
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i would say do the stone head piece but plant a species of tree that lives for hundreds or thousands of years, the tree represents life and will benefit all of mankind.. i had a great dog, a german shepherd that died about 20 years ago, well i planted a baobab tree on top of the grave. the tree is like 30 inch diameter and is 30 feet tall now and every time i see it, it reminds me of the great dog that we had.. baobab trees can live for thousands of years.. just an idea..
Like MWB asked, what did you have in mind, studedude? Were you thinking in terms of a fund or something more concrete, tangible?
Of course, my mind tends to go towards books, writing. Since you do have some talent in this area, studedude, and you are a retired minister, have you possibly considered writing some sort of grief recovery book ...maybe even especially for widows/widowers? Maybe this seems a bit daunting right now to even consider but somewhere down the road a few years even...
I didn't intend it to be a memorial to my deceased son but about 5 years after he passed, I wrote and self- published a grief recovery type book for parents including our own story. I wrote it with the intent of helping other bereaved parents, but as it turned out, it is also a very tangible memorial to my wonderful son. (That's not the only one. There have been others uch as a headstone, a memorial fund started by our church etc.) But it was an unintentional one that may actually be the most lasting. Just a thought....
My heartfelt condolences go out to you and your family, Stude Dude.
When my Mother passed away my Father planted a live oak tree by her grave. They are both resting under it now, and it not only provides shade, it provides me with warm memories of the wonderful life they left me with.
Prayers & thoughts for you, on loosing your beautiful Nancy.
Studedude, so sorry to hear of the loss of your wife. My deepest sympathy to you and your family. Keep her close in your heart and every time you think of her, smile.
I need some ideas. A lot of you know I lost my wife 2 weeks ago. Some of you have an idea of the kind of woman she was by reading my comments in the past. My talents as a writer are not near good enough to tell you how amazing she was. It's standard to spend several thousands of dollars to place a granite memorial at a grave site. I want to do something so that 50 years from now more than 5 or 6 people, who stopped by her grave, know who she was. Short of building "Nancy Tower" on Chicago's lake front, and that is beyond my budget, I can't think of a lasting memorial. Any suggestions
Nancy's dedication to the Lord and how she served Him will definitely leave a long-lasting legacy, that will never be forgotten, so including something about her her dedication to the Lord on the memorial will be good.
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Like MWB asked, what did you have in mind, studedude? Were you thinking in terms of a fund or something more concrete, tangible?
