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This is totally the case. The young woman is not speaking to the OP, she is speaking to the dearly departed and if it makes her feel good, go for it. I would be feeling it's so kind of this young woman to have not forgotten my brother and takes the time to still share HER sorrow with him.
Do you know what she was doing on his page? She was emotionally masturbating on it for her own drama's sake. Very similar behavior to what you see on this forum.
One thing that those of us who have had a recent loss in our lives forget is that there is nothing on the face of the earth that anyone could say to us that truly brings us comfort---especially in the first few weeks. Not one thing. It all hurts. What we have to do is not forus so much on the words said and instead let their intent in saying what they say give us comfort. People do care. People do try to give us comfort no matter how inept it might be from some people. I'm just over 4 months out from my husband's passing and I still get the "I'm sorry for your loss" comments. At first it did bother me to hear it from total strangers but awhile back I quit saying "thank you" to that comment and started saying "me too." To me, it takes the focus off what could or could not have be an automatic Ms. Manners toss-away comment and onto an honest reply from me that reflects how I truly feel.
As for people we know, we also have to remember that they, too, are experiencing some level of mourning (or guilt) because they have lost a relationship as well...whether it was a sibling, golf partner or co-worker.
Braunwyn
I'm very very sorry for your loss, and for your entire family...I feel so badly for you all, and wish there were something we could say or do, to take away your pain, to comfort you, but there is not...it leaves a huge hole in your lives, and is extremely difficult to deal with. I understand your feelings and your beliefs and respect them in every way...maybe somehow, this thread will help, to come back and re-read when you feel lost and afraid. No child should pass before they're parents, it's just not fair...right now no one can understand your feelings, and not everyone would agree with the way your dealing with it, however, like Beachmel said, everyone of us, deals with death differently, therefore, I say to you, continue feeling the way you do, and in time, perhaps, when someone speaks to you about it, you'll have more patience for they're beliefs and words and maybe not...but at the end of the day, dear heart, I believe, it's more comforting to be kind, understanding and patient to others, even though your beliefs may be different...and what people say might annoy you. What do you think? How would you handle it? Perhaps, if someone else lost they're sibbling, and you made a comment to them, in concern, love and hurt for the person in moarning, they might not agree with you...? I dunno, what I do know is, when my foster mother was dying, people said to me, "but she's 90?" Yes, she was, but she was still my mother, who was my best friend since I was 5 years old, and I used to really get frustrated with that, really angry. They were in they're own way trying so hard to make me feel better, but, it worked the opposite...and made me hurt more, like they were dismissing her humanity? So, I do understand how you feel...and can only send hugs and tell you I do care. I'm very very sorry for your loss.
Creme
And then there's this...
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee
People are never ever going to be able to live up to your expectations...
it's not stupidity b/c you have different beliefs...just b/c you think one way and I think another doesn't make you right and me wrong, and I think your wrong in lacking the maturity to understand, that people are people and they are never going to think and feel the way YOU think they should. And if they don't you feel they're stupid?
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv
Bravo.
Case closed. People are so full of it. This is what they do. Good job and yes, bravo.
Screwed how? I reject stupid people. Don't like it then don't visit my threads. Visit threads that will embrace it. And the whole "I feel sorry for you" mantra is just more mindless crap. No, you do not feel sorry for me because you have no idea who I am. Are you just writing to see yourself write? What's the point given that what you're saying has absolutely no value and is meaningless.
And don't think you can attempt to control others. I have my opinions about people and their silly comments about dead people they never knew and don't care about.
Yes, I did consider it and I found it not to be the case.
I have no idea if your husband is in a better place. I did not know him or his situation. You did. Therefore it would be ridiculous for me to make the statement. That is the point of this thread.
No, most of us are just words on a monitor to each other but we are all human beings. Most of us have EMPATHY for others. Most of us can "feel" one another out. People's words are an extension of themselves. YOU are a very angry person.
Don't start a thread if you don't want people to read and comment, whether you like them or not. YOU are not in control of what others want to say.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wayland Woman
One thing that those of us who have had a recent loss in our lives forget is that there is nothing on the face of the earth that anyone could say to us that truly brings us comfort---especially in the first few weeks. Not one thing. It all hurts. What we have to do is not forus so much on the words said and instead let their intent in saying what they say give us comfort. People do care. People do try to give us comfort no matter how inept it might be from some people. I'm just over 4 months out from my husband's passing and I still get the "I'm sorry for your loss" comments. At first it did bother me to hear it from total strangers but awhile back I quit saying "thank you" to that comment and started saying "me too." To me, it takes the focus off what could or could not have be an automatic Ms. Manners toss-away comment and onto an honest reply from me that reflects how I truly feel.
As for people we know, we also have to remember that they, too, are experiencing some level of mourning (or guilt) because they have lost a relationship as well...whether it was a sibling, golf partner or co-worker.
I got myself ruffled once after hearing "He was so sick." more than once. Yes, he was but why did it have to happen? After some of the anger subsided I reflected and stopped being angry with that condolence. He WAS SO SICK and now I'm okay that he had to die and I realize now it was fate, our lifestyle (smoking and drinking) and that it just WAS. This experience sure is another lesson in life.
No, most of us are just words on a monitor to each other but we are all human beings. Most of us have EMPATHY for others. Most of us can "feel" one another out. People's words are an extension of themselves. YOU are a very angry person.
Don't start a thread if you don't want people to read and comment, whether you like them or not. YOU are not in control of what others want to say.
Lady, before the thread is closed I'm going to call out the crap I see. Look at her response a year ago. All sweet and consoling. Nothing changed in that year. I didn't post in the thread for a year, but then you people decide that you're not ok with it for whatever reasoning and start with your crap like a bunch of sicko's. I'm not sure why you think I should take the boloney you're dishing out. You get kick out of this, don't you?
Lady, before the thread is closed I'm going to call out the crap I see. Look at her response a year ago. All sweet and consoling. Nothing changed in that year. I didn't post in the thread for a year, but then you people decide that you're not ok with it for whatever reasoning and start with your crap like a bunch of sicko's. I'm not sure why you think I should take the boloney you're dishing out. You get kick out of this, don't you?
No, I wasn't actually talking to YOU. I started talking to IDK who. Maybe I was just putting my thoughts out there. I really don't remember now. Having just gone through this death of a loved one and finding C-D had a grief forum I've been reading threads, be they old or new.
Ok, I'll back off. I've had my say about my thoughts about condolences and let you be. I'm still sorry you lost your brother.
No, I wasn't actually talking to YOU. I started talking to IDK who. Maybe I was just putting my thoughts out there. I really don't remember now. Having just gone through this death of a loved one and finding C-D had a grief forum I've been reading threads, be they old or new.
Ok, I'll back off. I've had my say about my thoughts about condolences and let you be. I'm still sorry you lost your brother.
I wish peace to you during this difficult time. To be clear, I take no issue with folk passing along their condolences and sorrow. I take issue with people saying he's better off dead.
I take issue with people saying he's better off dead.
Braunwyn, most people don't mean that he's better off dead. MOST are just trying to find words of comfort when there aren't any words that WILL comfort.
I'm sorry your brother died. I'm sorry it has hurt so much. I wish I could say something profound that would help but I know. I do know. It just f***ing hurts and they're not coming back and you wish they were but they're not and there's not a godamned thing you or I or anyone can do about it. I wish there was. I'm sorry.
Braunwyn, most people don't mean that he's better off dead. MOST are just trying to find words of comfort when there aren't any words that WILL comfort.
I'm sorry your brother died. I'm sorry it has hurt so much. I wish I could say something profound that would help but I know. I do know. It just f***ing hurts and they're not coming back and you wish they were but they're not and there's not a godamned thing you or I or anyone can do about it. I wish there was. I'm sorry.
Thanks and there's nothing that can be said, although I don't understand the sadistic need of salting last years wound and screwing with people.
years ago, when my lst, young husband died..I received a card that said (among other non-religious things) "his work is over"......I loved/cheris that sentiment
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