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Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
4,922 posts, read 8,571,496 times
Reputation: 8044
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I've posted this many times before, but I'm going on 5 years and I haven't taken my rings off. I have his wedding ring and his 25 year anniversary ring in a small, glass trinket box on my nightstand. I can't see why I need to stop wearing my rings. I know I'm not legally married anymore, but in my heart and soul, I will always be married to him, so I keep my rings on.
It's been almost 30 years since my dad died, but my now 91-year-old mom still wears her wedding rings and still considers herself married. As in, when she has to fill in a form that asks her to check a box for marital status, she checks the box for "married," and ignores the box for "widowed." That's her thing, and I wouldn't dream of challenging her right to do whatever she wants.
On the other hand, when my husband of 23 years died four months ago, I felt really weird keeping my wedding ring on. It just felt wrong to me somehow, so I took it off and put it in a box on my dresser. But I don't want to project the appearance of being somehow "available," so I bought a small silver ring in the infinity design, and I wear that on my ring finger, along with a couple of other small silver rings I wear on other fingers at the same time. I usually wear several small silver rings on various fingers at the same time.
This feels appropriate to me. Obviously it wouldn't work for my mother. I think everyone should do what is most comfortable for her.
A man who plays bridge where I play still wears his wedding ring and his wife has been gone at least 3 years. He often brings food that he has made for snacks, so he seems very self-sufficient. I tend to think if someone continues wearing their rings, they have no interest in remarriage. My son is divorced, but still wears his ring. I've not asked, but I think he does it to let women know he isn't available. He does say he will never marry again. No children. He's also a good cook.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
4,922 posts, read 8,571,496 times
Reputation: 8044
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rubi3
A man who plays bridge where I play still wears his wedding ring and his wife has been gone at least 3 years. He often brings food that he has made for snacks, so he seems very self-sufficient. I tend to think if someone continues wearing their rings, they have no interest in remarriage. My son is divorced, but still wears his ring. I've not asked, but I think he does it to let women know he isn't available. He does say he will never marry again. No children. He's also a good cook.
Yes, that's me. Not that anyone would be interested in me at my age, but it is a message that I'm not available, nor do I want to be. I don't want to date, and just couldn't marry again. I had my one and only, and I'm good for the rest of my life.
I feel funny wearing my rings (have engagement ring, wedding band and anniversary ring) - I wore them for a couple months but I feel funny wearing them now (I also feel "naked" not wearing rings so I've worn some - I always wore those on my left ring finger, another ring on the pointer finger and a ring on the same fingers of right hand). Not sure what to do.... (and it's only been since 3/1)
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
4,922 posts, read 8,571,496 times
Reputation: 8044
Way back at the beginning of this thread, we all felt that wearing or not wearing rings is a personal choice. Age also has something to do with it. Older widows, like me, know that we don't want to start all over again, we'd been married for 30 or 40 years so we'll probably wear our rings until we die; and other younger widows may want to find love again, so they would take their rings off. And others may want to give their daughters or granddaughters their rings when it's time, so every widow is different. The only thing that matters is what feels right for you. There's no right or wrong, good or bad.
thanks Marcy.... I'm not sure what I'll do with them (no kids) - watching $$ so I don't know if I can afford to have them remade into anything. My fav. thing is actually the anniversary band (it's small w/tiny diamonds-I'm not very big) so it's not worth much but I do like it - I may have that enlarged/stretched to fit another finger.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
4,922 posts, read 8,571,496 times
Reputation: 8044
Another thing I know some women have done is wear their rings (or their husbands) on a chain around their neck. My husband's wedding ring was a carved gold band (wide) with a diamond in it, and his anniversary ring was a black onyx with diamond chips, so I have those tucked away in an antique, carved box with his wallet, watch, glasses and other jewelry. They'd be to "clunky" for me to wear around my neck.
I have an anniversary ring, too. It's gold with small diamonds all around it. I wear it on my left hand like a guard for my wedding ring and engagement ring.
I'm NOT available in my heart and soul so I wear my rings. They make me feel closer to him. They bring me comfort.
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