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My husband did NOT WANT a wake or a funeral. I followed his wishes. He made SURE I understood that. I had gone against my Dad's wishes and had a wake....for me. I needed the wake. I needed the consolation of family, friends and co-workers. Hubby was ADAMENT that I not do that to him, so I PROMISED him that I would do things his way and I did even though it was contrare to everything I've known.
My husband did NOT WANT a wake or a funeral. I followed his wishes. He made SURE I understood that. I had gone against my Dad's wishes and had a wake....for me. I needed the wake. I needed the consolation of family, friends and co-workers. Hubby was ADAMENT that I not do that to him, so I PROMISED him that I would do things his way and I did even though it was contrare to everything I've known.
Just in case I wasn't totally clear in my previous post, I have no argument with your having followed your husband's wishes. You and I appear to have the same basic feelings about the desire to have some sort of formal service. Did your husband give his reasons for not wanting any services? If so, and if you care to share them, I would be interested to hear them.
Just in case I wasn't totally clear in my previous post, I have no argument with your having followed your husband's wishes. You and I appear to have the same basic feelings about the desire to have some sort of formal service. Did your husband give his reasons for not wanting any services? If so, and if you care to share them, I would be interested to hear them.
Yes, you were totally clear in your post. I didn't quote you so I wasn't aiming my post specifically at you. I was just clarifying why I didn't do the "norm".
Hubby had his reason but I don't want to go into it. I totally agreed with his reasoning even though it was still hard for me NOT to do the wake and funeral thing. I promised him and by golly, I was going to keep that promise no matter how I felt.
The title of this thread made me smile. There's a name for this--it's called a repast. Maybe I missed it but I didn't see anyone mention that.
There is an enormous Catholic graveyard in the town of North Arlington in northern NJ. Because the area is traditionally heavily Irish and Catholic, most people from the area are buried there. The restaurants in the area actually advertise that they provide funeral repasts because of the busy funeral industry in the town.
The title of this thread made me smile. There's a name for this--it's called a repast. Maybe I missed it but I didn't see anyone mention that.
There is an enormous Catholic graveyard in the town of North Arlington in northern NJ. Because the area is traditionally heavily Irish and Catholic, most people from the area are buried there. The restaurants in the area actually advertise that they provide funeral repasts because of the busy funeral industry in the town.
Yes, I think someone did mention that. It's not called a repast here in the Philly area. It's just called a luncheon. Must be a regional thing. (And I am Irish Catholic.)
A friend of mine who had terminal cancer insisted she wanted no services. And she said this long before she even had cancer. She just hated funerals. She was estranged from her family, and her few remaining friends followed her wishes and just had her cremated.
I originally wanted the big ole' Irish Catholic funeral that's traditional in our family, but now I'm just thinking forget it. I'm tapped-out financially and emotionally after arranging my mother's recent funeral. I don't have anyone that I'd want to impose that job on. Just cremate me and put me in the family plot.
The title of this thread made me smile. There's a name for this--it's called a repast. Maybe I missed it but I didn't see anyone mention that.
There is an enormous Catholic graveyard in the town of North Arlington in northern NJ. Because the area is traditionally heavily Irish and Catholic, most people from the area are buried there. The restaurants in the area actually advertise that they provide funeral repasts because of the busy funeral industry in the town.
I mentioned the use of the word "repast" in my post #29 on page three of this thead. I encountered it among the black communities in the greater Los Angeles area. It is interesting to me to note your reported use of that term in the Catholic areas of northern NJ. Vocabulary can be very regional.
"Repast" is an osolete word for meal, which has taken on a special meaning of the meal following a funeral, but only in certain regions. The etymology is recognizable in the French word "repas", which is the normal, everyday word for meal in French. Most cases in which the English and French words are very close indicate a Latin root word which was passed into English as a consequence of the Norman (French) invasion of England in 1066.
The title of this thread made me smile. There's a name for this--it's called a repast. Maybe I missed it but I didn't see anyone mention that.
There is an enormous Catholic graveyard in the town of North Arlington in northern NJ. Because the area is traditionally heavily Irish and Catholic, most people from the area are buried there. The restaurants in the area actually advertise that they provide funeral repasts because of the busy funeral industry in the town.
I've always heard it referred to as a mercy luncheon. I've mainly seen it in the south and with Italian families in the North East. The way I see it, it's a way to transition between mourning the death of a lost loved one into celebrating their life.
We have instructed our children that when we die we want them to have a party rather than a funeral. We want them to celebrate our life not mourn it. Hopefully our ashes will be present and after the party they can scatter us.
My parents did not want funerals. Both had prepaid cremations via the neptune society. My mom died first after a long battle with cancer, She died right after Thanksgiving and with the remaining holidays coming we knew it would be hard for out of state family to come so we waited until Jan. and had a celebration of her life instead. People were instructed to come wearing her favorite color if they had something in that color if not just something colorful.. no black. We had all her favorite flowers on the tables, photos and a slide show on a compter set up for the event. A few prayers were said some music played then people shared memories of my mom. Food was supplied by a caterer my parents business had worked with for many years. Everyone had a great time ( and no there really was not a lot of drinking) but there was a lot of laughter. It was noon time event so that night all my relatives from out of state got together again and went out to dinner. Mom would have enjoyed the day. I was left with all these great memories and it really did help with the grief I was feeling.
With my Dad his death was unexpected but once again we waited a few weeks so the out of town relatives could plan and we had a celebration of life again. MY dad had owned his own business for many years so it was fun listening to what people that had dealt with him via the business had to say. The day started off raining and this was an out door event under a party canopy but right after the last guest arrived the sun burst out and stayed out the rest of the day and it was beautiful. I like to belive that maybe my dad had something to do with that sudden sunshine as the weather man had said cloudy with rain all day
Every funeral I have gone too people got together afterwards either at a resturant or someones home and there has always been food. When I die I would want a celebration of my life not a sad funeral as I do not see death as the end but rather as a transition for the soul that inhabited my human body.
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