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My mother and father fought like cats and dogs...After my dad died she showed little emotion...One day and I was about 18 I was standing on the side of the road in the middle of the night...out of the blue my mother's car stopped and I got in- she wept ....all the way home...."I miss him so much- I was so in love with your father" It was heart breaking....in the end for her to let me know what she felt about my dad...but never mentioned it to him...I see a lot of widows here...."till death do us part" I am kind of surprised to see such devotion in this modern era - Love to all of you....it seems you were all beautiful wives ....and the men were very fortunate to have been with you..
Thank you Oleg very much and I feel Im the one who was blessed . Yet but for the grace of God there go I . I will pray for blessings for you Oleg , thank you so much and God bless you dear .
When someone close to you dies, you never really get over it, particularly if they died young and didn't get to live their full lives. It's normal to reflect upon them on certain days. My dad was in his 40s when he died. I remember him on his birthday, Father's Day and the anniversary of his death by looking at my favorite photos of him and sometimes getting a meal from his favorite take out place or having a bbq (he loved to grill). Overall, I remember him by appreciating his love of the ocean and his sense of humor, both things I'm fortunate enough to have shared.
Thank you, Oleg. As pl said, I feel as I was the one who was blessed by this beautiful man who spent hs last 20 years of life with me. Okay, we both were blessed to have found each other. We were "right".
Maybe we are a bunch of ladies who like themselves and liked their hubbies as well as loved them? We don't feel the urge to run out and get married again. I have noticed some of these ladies were married for a very long time. (Gents too) I imagine most of us are of a different generation than the last two or three are. Different standards. Different morals. Different mindset. We didn't (and our hubbies) run out and get a divorce after the sex wore off. If it wore off. Also some of us are very new at this. Perhaps someday we may meet "someone". Perhaps not but we have our memories of what we did have and for some of us, that is enough.
Oleg, I'm sorry you didn't get to spend your life with that "someone".
I have found that the first year after someone very close to me has died that I do have an upsurge of memories about them on the anniversary of their death or their birthday. And in another year or two this does not happen, but I may get a very strong flood of memories and feelings provoked by something I am reading, or possibly coming across an old souvenir. I find that these latter memories are often much more powerful than the ones that had been provoked by anniversary dates - perhaps there was a part of me that expected strong memories on the first anniversary and was, therefore, steeled for them. Whereas the later ones catch me unguarded.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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Like Tami said, I, too, was blessed to have spent 40 years of my life with a man I loved waking up to every morning. We had our ups and downs as all couples do, good times and not so good times, but at the core, we loved each other deeply and intensely. We may have been from the Hippie generation of make love not war, and all that, but we believed in staying in marriage for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health, till death did us part. We took our vows very seriously. When times were bad, we worked through them rather than running to a divorce lawyer. We believed in us, and worked hard to keep us together. And that made us happy. It never dawned on either of us to look outside our marriage to solve problems.
Almost three years later, I am still deeply in love with my husband, and probably will be for the rest of my life. Sometimes, the most insignificant little things will still make me cry, but it's happening less that it did a year ago. At my age, I'm not interested in dating again or in being in another relationship. I had the best, my one and only. Even my kids know that Dad was Mom's be all and end all. And I'm good with that.
Thank you Oleg very much and I feel Im the one who was blessed . Yet but for the grace of God there go I . I will pray for blessings for you Oleg , thank you so much and God bless you dear .
I really appreciate you asking God to send a blessing- but your blessing is enough..That might be the way that it all works- These husbands may have been blessed and were in a constant state of blessing the wonderful woman they paired up with for a life time.
Thinking back to the different woman in my life- and how I took for granted their great blessing on my life..I do feel a sense of regret and some guilt..for my neglect and sometimes my cruelty and selfishness...God has sent me many angels...and now I ask for one more blessing from above...Some how I hear this little voice in me that says- "You have had more than your share....you have had enough and there is no more for you"
I just hope that this endless universe will show some grace..and I love the term grace "The undeserved mercy of God".....Perhaps the lonely woman who pine for those who have left will also be sent some comfort...some mercy....I wish this for all of you..............and for myself...Love to you all...and don't cry..save your tears for joy to water the life of one that lives...Nothing wrong with getting some new company..no one should be alone...He is not coming back...death did do you part...as does divorce...sometimes....carry on...The world still needs you.
My grandfather was actually the opposite, he lost his wife first. I know it must of been hard for him but I never really remember he did get over it. We never talked about my grandma and the couple rare times that we did, he actually ignored the topic and would never say anything. I remember he tried to bury himself in his younger kids and other relatives. We went to religious places and he kept her photographs until he died.
Then of course, eight years ago he passed and I still tear up sometimes. His kids (my dad and his siblings) missed him even more since they grew up with him until they were seniors themselves, while I only had him until I was in middle school. Sometimes we get very sad because we think that there's so much more these people could of seen and experienced after they died, they never got the chance, but like one of my friends said it's definitely been long enough. My dad always tries to beat back his disappointment by stating at least he was happy to live such a long life and that, well, he dreamed about him before.
you go on living but you still have memories and things to remind you of them, they stay with you in some way.
..yes, that is true. How can one not forget, or not have it affect, if you've lived with someone for a long time, been intimate with them, loved them....
Quote:
I have found that the first year after someone very close to me has died that I do have an upsurge of memories about them on the anniversary of their death or their birthday. And in another year or two this does not happen, but I may get a very strong flood of memories and feelings provoked by something I am reading, or possibly coming across an old souvenir.
...very good point. I sort of use 'anniversaries' to remember my partner, but the experiences you relate, of memories being triggered, happens to me to. This is also accompanied by feelings of loss & longing, times when I tear up. I'm still fairly close to my partners passing in time (approaching 3 years), so figure this has something to do with it, but I also try to search these experiences out, as a way to remember my partner....
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